AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

[Cathryoi]

Hi all, so my DS is 23, 24 in August. He’s in the first year of his training contract on the path to becoming a qualified solicitor we are very proud of him.
He has been with his girlfriend who is 22, almost 23 since they were 15/16 (she was in Y11 and he Y12). They got engaged over a year ago and are getting married in the summer.

I feel so sad that they will be both so young while getting married, at just 23! I’m also quite sad that DS is giving up his name entirely in favour of her late mums maiden name (she’s also giving up her current surname).
They aren’t having a massive wedding or anything but I just imagined life a bit differently for them.

AIBU to feel sad they are getting married so young and sad that DS is giving up his name entirely?

Yanbu op, I took my dh’s name and only later thought it was so sad our name (my maiden name) was nearly gone. I’d agree be happy for him, chances are they’ll do the stuff you wanted him to experience together and he’ll be as happy.

I got married at just 24 first time round thought I knew it all. He’s an adult and if mistakes are being made then step up at that time and be there. Until then, enjoy his life. How wonderful he may have met his one true love so young, at least he’s not off gallivanting and sowing his seed all over the show. I hope you all have a lovely wedding x

They’ve been together for years. You changed your name @Cathryoi I’m guessing when got married

I think it’s a lovely idea to change to her mums name

dont push them away

People saying they wouldn't want their kids getting married at that age what would you rather your kid to marry at 23/24 to someone they have been in a relationship with for nearly 10 years or for them to marry in their 30s to someone they've only been with for a year

YABU about the surname- it’s just a name, it won’t change anything

I agree they are young to get married by current standards- but my mum got married at 23 (Dad 25) in 1980 which was completely normal then, and they are still together.
Anyway if it doesn’t work out what’s the worst that can happen? Divorce isn’t a taboo these days

Can’t see the issue, if he’s happy and they’ve been together a good while. whats the issue with being young-ish (for today, he'd have been married at 21 or younger a few generations back) would you rather he wait till he’s 40 and then you’re too old to be an active granny? Look on the bright side OP!

The changing name is perhaps a bit outside the norm, but why not. Women do it every day. In fact, DH and I should have done that, my family name was well known and respected in our industry, should have got him to take my name, it’d have done our business a world of good!

We were 24 and 26, still married over 30yrs on.

Same my parents got married in the 80s at 18 and 19 and are still together.

DH and I both changed our names to my mum's maiden name when we got married. His first name didn't work with my surname, and my first name didn't work with his. We wanted a shared surname if we had children. We've been married 33 years now.

It's fine for him to change his name. And it's fine for a women to change her name. Both are fine as long as neither person feels pressured. I took my DH surname as its much nicer than my maiden name. And my brother took his wife's name for same reason.

I would absolutely love for this to be happening to my son, who I doubt will ever have a relationship or get married. So on that basis, YABU. He is happy. He sounds like he is thriving in his career.

I think you would do well to reflect on every reason you have to be so proud of your son. He sounds amazing. Good job.

You will most likely be a young granny so id look forward to that maybe?

i will be 90 if mine have kids ( don't think they will )

lots of blokes are changing their name to their wives name so no guarantees there

Not a judgement on how you feel but wondering what you would have preferred for them both? Longer together but engaged? Or son having other relationships/experiences first?

I can understand the surname thing but suppose it is what mothers of girls experience all the time for centuries. It’s quite progressive.

Is it more about the relationship itself you are concerned?

Is it because he’s taking her mums name by any chance? Is there jealousy? If he were taking your maiden name would you be upset?

You big Wally.

Of course it’s so hard when your little boy grows up but be proud of who he is and get busy pretending you are ecstatic. My in-laws weren’t and while they have many reasons to love me these days I couldn’t say we were close and that is their loss.

I need to ask my parents if they’re upset I married at 24 and took my husbands name..

Did you change your name?

You feel how you feel but highly unreasonable in my view to take issue with him changing his surname. Was it fine for women to change their name to reflect their status as the property of men for hundreds of years? Would you feel similarly sad for her if she changed her name to yours? I doubt you would somehow.

Weird to be sad that your son’s happy.

He’s almost 24. He’s not a bloody child.

He sounds happy and successful. Why exactly do you have a problem with that?

Will he keep his original surname for his professional title ? Loads of women do
If he's doing his solicitor training his current Law qualifications will be in his family name ?
Maybe his fiances mothers name will dwindle out if they don't carry it forward
Or he could double barrell .

23/24 is young but they sound solid ,

Can’t see what the problem is. He’s an adult. I was engaged and married within 2 years. Both of us were 23. Been married almost 40 years. As for changing his name, that’s personal choice.

My husband & I married at 27, still happily married 14 years later. Your son sounds like a lovely man with his head screwed on. Good job, long term relationship, happy getting married. Why should they be waiting?

I genuinely don’t know anyone irl who has stayed with their partner since they were 15.

Wayne Rooney and Jamie Oliver are the only examples I can think of 😂

What is his fiance studying - also law?

There's nothing sad about building a stable relationship and choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone. 23 is not especially young to be getting married and, if anything, perhaps the marriage will allow them to support each other as they both develop and grow.