AIBU to feel sad about my son marrying young and changing surname?

[Cathryoi]

Hi all, so my DS is 23, 24 in August. He’s in the first year of his training contract on the path to becoming a qualified solicitor we are very proud of him.
He has been with his girlfriend who is 22, almost 23 since they were 15/16 (she was in Y11 and he Y12). They got engaged over a year ago and are getting married in the summer.

I feel so sad that they will be both so young while getting married, at just 23! I’m also quite sad that DS is giving up his name entirely in favour of her late mums maiden name (she’s also giving up her current surname).
They aren’t having a massive wedding or anything but I just imagined life a bit differently for them.

AIBU to feel sad they are getting married so young and sad that DS is giving up his name entirely?

I didn't meet my dh at school, we worked together from age 15. Only started going out together at 16. 25 + years later we are very happy, but I'll be sure to let him know you consider our marriage less than ideal.

Classic MN post.

I'm glad it has worked out for you and I wish you 25+ more years together

I think you should feel a real sense of pride in having raised a thoughtful, family-oriented son who is sensitive to his future wife's wishes OP - he sounds lovely. Several of my friends married young, to their first or second partners, and the overwhelming majority are still happily together. I don't think that there is any intrinsic value in having a succession of unhappy or unsuccessful relationships before settling down, and many couples I know who married young have been perfectly capable of adapting to changing circumstances and each other's needs as they have got older. They will have plenty of time to see the world together, from what sounds like a secure financial base.

And possibly worth bearing in mind that the parents of girls very often have different surnames to their grandchildren, and that nobody bats an eyelid at that!

Dont damage your relationship by vocalizing any of this. I hope they have a lovely life.

I got married at 23 in 2012 and still happily married now. Have faith he’s making decisions that make him happy and are right for him.

It’s not unreasonable to feel a bit sad, but it would be very unreasonable to tell him. I would worry about my kids marrying so young, BUT he’s an adult and it’s his life. It might be a mistake and it might not be. I’m in my 40s and people who seemed well suited to each other, who married at the ‘right’ time, are now getting divorced left, right and centre. As for the name, this wouldn’t bother me very much.

But your son told you exactly why he wants/feels the need to change his name, so it's the same as his wife's and potential future children. Very straightforward and probably the most common reason anyone changes their name when getting married no?
Fiancé feels strongly about keeping her Italian heritage, I imagine as well for future children's sake, you son isn't bothered about what their surname is as long as it's the same, good for them.
Tell it to a therapist OP and get over yourself.

I got married at 21 to dh who i met at 17, he was 23 when we married. We faced a lot of backlash from both families. Wveryone was telling us we are too young and we wont last etc.
Proving everyone wrong and still happily married almost 20 years later. Many of my friends got married late 20s or early 30s and are already divorced again now. You never know how its gonna work out, but just because they are young, doesnt mean the marriage has to fail.
Also just in case it doesnt work out then he will probably still be young for a second try. 😄

Totally wrong keep the family name I know two people who have taken their wive’s surname just weird! The world has gone mad

@JonnyHotShots Have you time travelled from 1920?

No funny enough I am watching Dr Who

23 isn't young or am I out of touch? I married at 20, 53 years ago, still married.