I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

Okay. There can be more than one place that’s unsafe for women 🤷‍♀️

All I can say is that no one should pressure OP to go. Every place in India is different. People have good experiences and bad experiences. My DC love Bengaluru when we go.

That’s what I was told.
Hotel staff told me that going out on my own would unsafe as a white western women with blonde hair.

I'm fairly well travelled, unfortunately I wasn't able to enjoy India much though I found it interesting - I was staying in Mumbai and I was struck by the amount of poverty. It was impossible for me to have fun spending money when so many people on the surrounding streets are struggling to just survive day to day. I couldn't go back to India for a "holiday", but would go back for a specific reason e.g. work/friend's wedding etc

I went with my husband and neither of us felt unsafe. Food was great, many people were very kind to us, lots of interesting buildings to look at. I don't know how it would feel as a lone female traveller. Also, not sure how other areas of India would compare as I've only been to Mumbai.

I don't think OP is being unreasonable to not want to go if she is after a fun, relaxing holiday, it's just a shame that her DH won't go without her as that's the easiest compromise

No it's not unreasonable. Why can't they go without you?

Did you enjoy Bengaluru?

Hmm I backpacked India alone for a month ( white blonde) and never ran into any danger

Am not as much of a fan as I used to be, but more for traffic reasons! Great jumping off point for Hampi and wildlife though!

@Harshreality Feel the fear and do it anyway. You have been resisting for 25 years, so it is something, an anxiety, that is a constant. Go, and you never have to think about it again! Go for your husband; go for your child; go with a curious and interested mindset. Life is all too short, and one day you may not be healthy enough to go; or you no longer have your husband to go with. Or, don’t go. Nobody can make you. Your life; your choices, and deal with the knowledge that for your husband and child this will never truly go away. They would rather do it with you and make adventurous memories with you, than without you.

I wouldn’t want to go either and I’m concerned that everything is driven around your husband’s needs - what about what you need?

That’s because it’s GOA. It’s western tourists’ playground and is very far from the real India. (Although rapes are still happening so that persists)

Except it doesn’t work.

Where?

She doesn’t want to go!!!!!!!! Why are you trying to guilt her into changing her mind?

Delhi, Varanasi, agra Jaipur( hated there) jaisalmer, udaipur pushkar Amritsar bikaneer

Good for you. Doesn’t change my experience though does it?

What actually happened to you? Can't see it in the thread

OP, what exactly does your husband say when you ask him to go alone?
The India bit is irrelevant.

Because her husband is clearly also over planning the holiday and they are constantly doing activities

I've been to some of the places you listed here and didn't enjoy it. I think it was due for the time of year I went. The heat

I went to India on my own and loved it, felt quite safe and didn't get ill at all, that was 30 years ago admittedly. I'm sorry to hear how bad it's got.

He sounds rather childish if he will only go if you go too. I can't imagine enjoying a holiday with a very reluctant companion in tow.

Says I'm pushing him away. Whiney.

Just seen it'd be average temperatures of 45° which is another massive no for me. Did Dubai in similar heat, and not a resort. Walked through the markets and neighbourhoods. It was diabolical

If you don't want to go, then say you're not going. Personally, I don't blame you.

Tell him he can take your 12 year old and have a daddy/daughter trip. You're going to have a quiet holiday somewhere else, something you've always wanted and he hasn't.

If he won't go without you, that's on him, not you. You can pick someplace else together if that's the case.

Depends on which time of the year you go and where. Northern India and parts of Southern India can be from 7- 18 degrees in winter. Not all of India is hot and not all the time. I was in Delhi last March and it was 20 degrees.

But apart from all that, your husband is being wildly unreasonable in claiming you are driving him away.

Totally understandable if you'd rather not go. It's your choice where you travel.