AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

Oh now I’ve read OPs comments on council housing and I realise now that clearly some people are that dumb…

You are very privileged, OP.

i have never had a penny from my mother, and my father died penniless so no inheritance from him either. I was a single teenage mother who rented for 12 years and worked 3 jobs in order to save for a deposit. It was unbelievably tough.

I have had a similar experience to you - gifted £40k for house deposit, grandparents contributed around £5k for last year's summer holiday. Earn over £80k. I consider myself VERY privileged compared to the vast majority of the population despite many of my friends being in similar situations to me (since I met them at Grammar school and University its not surprising). I am acutely aware that my situation is not average, or the norm

You are welcome. You can look it up yourself but as a starting point:

https://www.merton.gov.uk/council-tax-benefits-and-housing/getting-a-new-home/apply-social-housing/bands-and-waiting-times-social-housing#

A LA at random - they house 2% of the people on their list each year and say 'many people never get an offer'

Given there’s Council housing why would I think four people would be in a studio?!

In 1980 when the population of the UK was 56 million there were 5.5 million local authority housing units. In 2025 there were 1.57 million with a population of 69million, do you see now why there might be a bit of an issue ?
Add to that the cost of buying a house, 25 years ago I could have bought in my local area in the North, a fairly standard 2 bed terrace for 50k , now it would cost 200k minimum, and when I say bought, I mean as a single person, 3 x salary. Now you need at least two average salaries, plus you need to be able to save whilst paying out at least a third of your wage in rent.

Have you ever considered that you are perhaps only friends with similarly privileged people and that perhaps not everyone has parents that can just give them 50k for a house deposit?! 🤦‍♀️

All that money and privilege and you are massively uneducated, ignorant and unable to at least use Google.What a waste!

I consider myself a privileged adult. And yet I was not gifted a house deposit, nor yet granted a house in trust. I saved up for my own deposit. You're definitely privileged.

71K is a bloody lot actually.

Your post is tone deaf in the current economic climate.

I don’t know how you cope tbh. Only £71k gasp 😦 Your DD only has ONE house in trust. You were only gifted £50k for your house deposit.

Do you need a food bank referral?

You really don’t need to come on a forum and boast about how privileged you are. So the responses you are receiving are very appropriate to be honest.

did you expect a pat on the back?!

My DF worked in a bakery ~ I am the youngest of 5

Would you like to guess whether or not I was gifted a house?

This. 100%

I’m really hoping this is a windup but if not… OP, you are surely aware of the average salaries in the UK, the stats on children living in poverty, the overwhelming numbers of families living in insecure and over crowded housing, etc etc etc. If you genuinely don’t know anyone in these situations, you are living in a bubble.

My bubble is people paying off school loans forever, scrimping and saving for years for a deposit on a home, hoping their children do better than they are doing themselves. I am on the fortunate end of my bubble - paid off my school loans by now, we own half our house, and we have decent jobs. But my children certainly don’t own property and no one gave us 50,000 for our home.

There’s nothing wrong with being lucky but there’s plenty wrong with being insular and ignorant.

@Finchell if your parents paid for your house deposit why didn’t you pay for your daughter’s deposit?

Why are your parents paying for generation after generation yet you seem to expect to still be partially funded?

What happens in the next generation or two when the grandparent money runs out?

age old
rags to riches to rags? it happens @Finchell enjoy you are part of the riches sweep

There aren't enough council or housing association properties for the people who need them. Families are often put in unsuitable over-crowded temporary accommodation sharing bathrooms and cooking facilities with other families. It's a pretty miserable existence.

You obviously live in an upper-middle class bubble with no insight about how less privileged people live their lives.

So already you work in finance with a salary more than double the national average. Average. Which means you are privilieged just when it comes to your earnings. I also had a 50k deposit but this was my heritage because my mum died. Otherwise I wouldn't have had any. I know people who are very wealthy but I also know people in council houses who work as cleaners, teachers etc. Thanks to my dc akwayq being in state school they made friends from all social classes and I made mum friends as well. My best friend lives in a council house with her two girls and works as a cleaner. She works bloody hard (3 jobs).

I'll rent all my life because I can't afford to buy a house AND rent and I'll have no help from my parents. I work 55 hours a week and have finally pulled myself out of the benefits trap and managed a small amount of savings, my pension pot has £1000 in and my husband bought a motorbike thr other day from a guy who was so overdrawn when the transfer went through he showed a zero balance and I was so grateful to no longer be constantly overdrawn. YABU to not recognise your privilege, I hope your life is amazing, so many people live month to month just scraping by. (Oh and BTW I don't drink or smoke, I don't fritter my money away I just mae ends meet).

Loads of people can never buy. Never mind be given a deposit.

You mix in very affluent circles.

That you know so little about how other people are living (i.e., you seem to think that anyone in need just has to ask "the Council" and is given what they need!) indicates that you indeed are living in a bubble. Moreover, you seem to have little grasp of how local government is even funded or run. Do you even live in the UK? If so, you are really insulated from broader society.

A quick google shows that average, net, disposable household income is around £35k. The average household wealth is around £300k, including houses and pensions. No one can possibly believe that most families have the means to give away tens of thousands in house deposits, several thousand a year as gifts, and leave grandchildren entire houses.

Op says she had a good education. Reader. Op did not.

You sound naive, bordering on stupid to be honest. And that’s coming from someone who moves in the same circles as you.

You and your friends are all privileged. They are just slightly more wealthy than you.

How many friends do you have that free up in a rough area and went to a sink school?