AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

Sometimes a studio yes, sometimes a room in someone else's house e.g. family of 4 (mum, dad, 2 kids) in the grandparents' house but all in one bedroom because the grandparents have the other bedroom. Sometimes a room in a hostel with a shared bathroom. I knew 1 mum who fled domestic violence with her 4 kids from 4-18 and they had 1 room in a hostel.

Then there are the better off ones who have e.g. a 2 bed flat with 3 kids, but are still not able to pay for heating and food.

The stories in the news are sadly the reality for many, many families.

Is your privilege the reason you've not tried to get better employment ie you think you've enough so wages aren't an issue currently?
I'd really look into that as, actually you're not far off being in a pretty crap position if one of you loses their job.

@JulietteHasAGun i assumed available as the alternative is being homeless….

Ok. This is getting silly now.

@Squirrelchops1 sorry I should have said that’s just one income but entire household

Not seeing where the stealth is, TBH.

@Finchell you do seem particularly naive 🤔

Ok a different experience-
i grew up in a deprived area, we wore hand me downs, had no heating upstairs, no dryer, dishwasher, microwave. my mum cut my hair. No car we walked every where or got the bus. Children I went to school with rarely went to uni or even did a levels it wouldn’t have occurred to me to try. No outings or day trips, I didn’t go to a museum, get a takeaway or eat in a restaurant until I was an adult. I played out every day, no extra curriculars, never got any help or support with homework. Christmas and birthdays I would get 2 or 3 gifts, never did Easter, Halloween etc. I first went abroad at 13 to Spain, then to Greece at 16. I’ve never done long haul. I got a job at 16 waitressing and paid board from that point. I moved out at 19 and got a live in job in a hotel, my friends and I started getting married/ having kids in our early twenties which was normal ( this was late 90’s) when I bought a house with ex dh we fortunately got a 0% deposit as we had no money. Never had any financial help from parents as they dint have any savings either. We got furniture for our house from free ads or stuff family didn’t need. We had a inflatable settee for a few months that I won at a fair.

And my friends who are ftb are in their early 40s with a combined income of around 100k (estimate). So 20 years of working to save a house deposit.

Unbelievable! What is with all these posts on MN lately, all from people living in a little bubble where they have absolutely no idea about the lives of anyone outside their social circle? I can't recall ever meeting such ignorant people in RL, and if I did I would be giving them a wide berth.

You are very privileged OP. HTH.

@BendingSpoons can they not go to the council for proper housing? That must be horrendous especially for children

There's not a magic supply of council houses. The wait for a 2 bed flat is over 10 years in many places unless you are highest priority e.g. disabled etc. The wait for a 3/4 bed house is often 20+ years.

I consider myself very lucky and privileged. We were lent £7k by DHs mum to buy a car 17 years ago (we paid it back) but otherwise have not had any hand outs or free houses or deposits or anything. Very very rarely holiday outside the uk. Earn well (about the same as you). But I consider us to be very secure financially and know how much better off we are than most people. Can afford food, heating and clothes. Can afford kids’ hobbies and can support with rent at uni. Choose not to afford meals out.

Volunteer at your local food bank? Make friends with some single mums who didn't go to Uni? Socialise outside of your class or cultural background. It's not difficult!

You know nothing about the social situation of the UK then. Never watch the news? Probably don't vote? Everything that is wrong with the UK frankly.

Amongst my peers the salaries range from min wage to £100k+. Only one has had a gifted deposit, another two got their deposit through an inheritance and everyone else has had to live at home into adulthood and save it themselves, or rent. Some grew up in nicer houses and had high flying parents, others grew up working class households with a parent in the trades, and others came from an unemployed single parent home and lived in a council flat. Absolutely none of them get gifted thousands of pounds a year for funsies.

I find it utterly baffling, and frankly unbelievable, that you could have made it to adulthood without having ever known anyone who came from anything less than privilege.

What’s this all about then, I don’t understand the post…

Well you've passed on the upset in spades.

I don't particularly care personally because I understand statistics and know what average actually means, plus don't get riled by others having more or less than I do.

But your posts come off as willfully ignorant of how little financial breathing space a lot of people in the UK have. You keep asking what average actually looks like. Use that good education of yours to research it! It'll take you seconds.

What?

Just because you choose people who are even more privileged than you as your basis for comparison doesn’t mean you’re not hugely privileged. How about compare yourself to the folk out there who are busting a gut just to pay for the rent on their shitty mouldy private flat and relying on food banks to feed their children? Does thinking about all those folk not make you realise how privileged you are?

A huge number of people are homeless though , mostly in temporary accommodation. How can you not know this? Your ignorance of this fact shows how very privileged (and unwilling to look outside your bubble) you are.
https://england.shelter.org.uk/media/press_release/at_least_382000_people_are_homeless_in_england_today_

You either taking the piss or too stupid to be allowed outside alone

Are you due a big inheritance or is that all there is, and no more? If so how much approx. I think you are fairly privileged but not on the scale of the mega wealthy. I got help too, most of my friends did not get anything or less than me, it’s just a question of how your family allocates things because some hoard and that is not necessarily any better.

It IS horrendous. Cross posted with you. Google 'council house waiting times in London/Manchester etc'.

@Genxhausted i have two friends who are single mums! Again they have similar experiences to me