AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

I think she's just a wind up merchant. Nobody with access to the internet could possibly not get it.

My partner and I lived with his parents in our 20’s and put our earnings aside each month to save up our house deposit which was around 25k at the time. We weren’t “gifted” anything. I now earn 36k, my husband earns 55k. We manage with two kids, a mortgage and we are sensible with money so we can afford one or two nice holidays each year.

I consider us fortunate - everything I’ve built up (or we’ve built up) has been done by hard graft and self reliance. If I had a handout of anything - money/property/holidays - I would think I was extremely fortunate!

Seriously? You think this is an appropriate post when so many people are struggling with finances right now.
No, I did not have help towards a deposit. Nor did I receive thousands per year in gifts. I earn my own money, not a huge amount, and I budget in order to make ends meet.

Also no not everyone is gifted a house deposit, ours came from working a lot of overtime and moving back with parents to save

Living with family in order to save is still help though.

It absolutely is.

The OP is definitely privileged but I am surprised by the majority of the responses here.

Yes, I agree. They don't have the capital, but they're saving you rent and bills, even if there's a contribution required.

Honestly I think the OP is starting to feel the pinch of the atrocious cost of living nowadays, hence they made a post to get reassurance from all those less fortunate that they are still, indeed, privileged.

Yes, or even watches/listens to news and current affairs. All sorts of reports about housing problems, benefits, food bank usage etc

Volunteering regularly at a homeless shelter or a food bank and talking to the people that use them would definitely give you some perspective.

Honestly I think the OP is starting to feel the pinch of the atrocious cost of living nowadays, hence they made a post to get reassurance from all those less fortunate that they are still, indeed, privileged.

Could be. It's really very strange to be in such a bubble.

my son is privilege in that my late parents left him a large inheritance
this enabled him to buy a house and furnish completely ,pay of debts and buy a car and still have plenty of money left over

he is also privilege in that I give him money to help him out buying stuff , going on holidays

I’m privileged in that I have been able to help him

I don’t know anyone with this level of financial support and my circle is professional people, maybe we just all made it on our own

Your life is privileged by any normal definition of the term.

I think my life is "privileged" and I have somewhat less that you do in all of the aspects you mention.

Why so?

That was to @bagsandmags it didn’t quote for some reason

I'd say you are insanely privileged and frankly not living on the same planet as most people.

I consider myself lucky because I went to a grammar school, then to university in the days that grants existed. I have had a 40y career as a result and been paid two or three times national average all the way through . I have a house that I now own outright. I have a pension which means I can retire now (63) and I am fit & healthy.

But, I had my first job at 13, I have not received any financial support from family since 18, I've not married so paid for my house by myself, I've worked ft for 40 years, I'll pay for ds' university and help with his house deposit because I want him to have an equally good start. He has no family money of his own.

Unless your kids go to private school you may find their are children in their class who live very different lives to yours.

E.g. in my dd's class (very normal town centre primary) there are kids whose parents are professionals (doctors/teachers/lawyers), others earning well, often more than the professionals (e.g. IT/trades), others not earning. Some will likely inherit from wealthy parents, others won't.
Some kids are in big houses with driveways and multiple cars, others in small flats in a council estate. 2 families have been in 1-bed emergency hostels after break ups, 1 family are refugees.
Some parents are still together, others divorced, others always single, others have witnessed DV.

Some go on holiday to Disney or Japan, others have never even been to the beach 10 miles away.

Then there are differing health issues, both parents and children e.g. stroke/mental health issues/ drug addiction (parents), diabetes, allergies, learning difficulties (children).
And different races. One little girl was subject to racist abuse over WhatsApp from one of the parents of another child in the class.

A visitor to the school would see 30 kids dressed the same and think they are similar, but just within that small cross section there is a vast array of privilege of different kinds.

And they all have a privilege others elsewhere in the country don't have - the school is small, safe (apart from the one incident with the racist mum), the school dinners are good. They live in a low-crime town. The secondary schools they will go on to are all pretty good.

Only you know where you fall on the spectrum of privilege. From what you have said it falls on the higher end. Though nowhere near the financial privilege of the super elite who form a small minority right at the very top.

Read this post back to yourself and see how pompous you sound. I had none of that help growing up and nor did my friends. I earn considerably way more than you do now so with all that help you haven’t done that well. You are living in la la land.

OP, I haven’t rtft because I’m assuming it’s more of the same.

I think it’s easy to become blinded to the differences in society when you don’t open your mind. You might mix with a range of people but you’re still living in an echo chamber.

Expand your mind. Read more. Learn about other countries. Learn about your own.

Yes, privileged. And it's quite normal that most people you know have had similar or greater levels of assistance, because birds of a feather tend to flock together. I'm a little surprised, even so, that you don't understand just how very privileged you are.

Or all three.

OP You could volunteer for a youth club on the nearest housing association estate.

I did that in 2024 when I was on gardening leave for a few weeks.
I saw 6yo dcs dropped off by the school bus at 3.30 whose working parents didn't get home until 6.30. The dcs ran wild as a little tribe for 3 hours in all weathers. No shelter, nowhere to do homework, often no coats.
We opened up the village hall, handed out burgers and squash. Played board games and did arts & crafts. Read stories.
Those aren't neglectful parents, they are barely making the rent.
Now we collect food from the local M&S that has gone out of date and drop it at the village hall at 8.30pm. Sometimes £500 of bread, milk, ready meals, salad. It's all gone by 9.

People normally socialise with people similar to themselves. If its average for your friendship group it doesn't really matter where other people sit. Focus on what makes you happy!

Privilege is relative. To be honest the level of privilege shaming on mumsnet is ridiculous - success is something to be proud of!