AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

This, why feed it?

OP you really do need to educate yourself about the desperate shortage of Council and social housing. Many homeless families are put into bed and breakfast accommodation which involves a whole family, with their belongings, living in one room. That is not what anyone would call a ‘studio’.

I've only read the OP's posts. You are very privileged @Finchell .

It’s quite difficult not to be in a bubble. I went to a university where there were a lot of wealthy students. The majority of the the friends I made were all from strikingly similar backgrounds to me, state school attendees with working class parents who had access to to free education in the sixties and got professional jobs as a result. I now work at the same uni and can confirm that the class system is still alive and well.

This sounds like all the white men that spout ‘where’s my privilege’, just because you don’t recognise it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

My parents told me ‘you know we can’t afford to help you right?’, I watched my dad work 2 jobs my whole life and still have to beg and borrow, he still can’t afford to retire now nearing 70. I couldn’t go to another nearby city to study because I didn’t have any money to move or live there. There wasn’t always a lot of food in our cupboards, and we never had disposable income for clothes or days outside like some of my friends. My husband grew up poorer than that.

We’re both luckily in the situation with our jobs and views on savings that our children will be in a much more privilege’s position. We will be able to help them with a house, be gifted money, taken on holidays, bought whatever they want (within reason). And I can’t wait to be able to do all that for them. I don’t want them to grow up struggling with less opportunities like we did.

But they will know they are better off than others and will be taught to appreciate the privilege they have.

You are not Joe average, you are privileged and would not have had an education, job, house or opportunities without this privilege. You have to accept that and appreciate it.

I can not belive this! Surely you must realise that most people have no help and save up or simply do not get on the housing ladder. I live in the nw in a area of terraced housing with a mix of owned and housing association rented. You can not be so out of touch to realise your bubble of an area is not the normal for the whole of the uk?

Stop your nonsense. You are deliberately setting out to make people feel like sh*t

And you know it

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Uni worker here too. I denied the class system existed until I started working in a Uni. It definitely still does. Spent the other month sitting in a Uni library listening to students speak about how many houses their parents had! It’s another world.

@Finchell

I grew up in rented accommodation in a deprived area. We didn’t have birthday or Christmas presents. Occasionally, neighbours would give small gifts such as a doll or a colouring book and I remember being thrilled. We didn’t have our own toys, so we played with our neighbours’ bikes and whatever they were willing to share.
At one point, when we had to leave our home, the only things I truly “owned” were four library books I had taken out and those were the only items I had to pack.
Despite that start, all four of us went on to university at a time when university fees weren’t required and we were fortunate enough to receive grants. Later, I unexpectedly received a £5,000 inheritance, which I was incredibly surprised by and deeply grateful for. I used it towards a deposit.
From there, I made good financial decisions, alongside a fair amount of luck. I was able to pay off my home by the age of 30, before I was even married or had children.
I’m very aware that my situation now is one of real privilege. My children will likely inherit over £1 million each. I don’t take that lightly, and I recognise how fortunate I have been.

The council won't house people who they feel are adequately housed. They don't care about overcrowding in owned or privately rented houses. If you leave safe housing (even extremely overcrowded) they will say you have made yourself intentionally homeless and they won't help.
There are many people who earn "too much" (16,000 per year household income) to receive pupil premium, free school meals etc...but they still can't afford to live comfortably.

But you say you mix with lots of people from different backgrounds so you must have friends that also earn modestly , save for a house deposit, pay monthly for their car, and spend a couple of hundred on Christmas ? Then you must see you.are privileged in comparison?.

There is always someone with more than you. In your circle you may not seem privileged.

Mumsnet has people from single mothers though people working on the breadline and then just many with no parental gifts or less well paying jobs.

There are also a few people who earn more, own millions of pounds etc. and a bunch of people who lie.

Objectively on Mumsnet and in real life you are privileged.

So you think everyone who has bought a house had deposits given to them or a house given to them? Yes in some cases thats that's true through inheritance. Or just on general family were able to help.

But most people i doubt it very much . If that was the case there wouldn't be so many people private renting. Or in socal housing. Would be familys living in hostels/hotels /temporary accommodation. People living in HMO . Every one would be in a house thsts mortgage or bought outright.

@FinchellYour life is privileged - you have no clue how others have to live so your privileged. Your life is relative to you and you haven't been shown differently, however privileged you are.

For context, I was born into affluency, a professional middle class family. My late mom side was extremely wealthy, along with the extended family and wider friendship circle.

My life story didn't follow that trend. My childhood was unhappy and I recreated that as an adult with money.

I finally took my how adult children and I and fled. Blood sweat and tears to rebuild our lives I've been through the whole system in this country.

The Tories started selling off social housing in the 80s and it's never been rebuilt.

I was hidden homeless with my 4, between 2000 - 2023 so the sell off of social housing was already biting then.

As for now 14 years of Tory rule have destroyed this country.

This link will tell you more about poverty below, from the Joseph Rowntree trust.

21% of the British population are said to live in poverty. That's about a quarter of the British population.

Look up about social housing and poverty, foodbanks and poverty etc. you will be shocked

www.jrf.org.uk/uk-poverty-2026-the-essential-guide-to-understanding-poverty-in-the-uk

Cry me a river

Also no not everyone is gifted a house deposit, ours came from working a lot of overtime and moving back with parents to save.

You are very well off and lucky. There is no one in my life who could give me a lump sum of money. There will be no inheritance on either side of my family. My parents spend max £30 for Xmas and birthday presents. My partner has health problems so can’t work full time. We earn around £50k per year between us. I feel pretty grateful as many others I know have it worse.

Of course it would be nice to be given money but I am also a grown woman and proud of my achievements. I would find it infantilising to be dependent on others for money.

You've had houses gifted to your kid and a huge deposit to you. Most people have some deposit help but my experience is around 5k so you're already 10 times better off than the people around me.

Then the house gift is really really privileged.

2-3k a year is also way above any level of financial support I've heard among my friends.

I'd say I love a decent and somewhat privileged life by owning a home, running a car and having holidays.

It's OK to be privileged, it's not OK that you think you aren't.

I was born in the mid 50s to working class parents. I passed my 11+ in the 60s and went to a Grammar School, I went to University got a grant and left with no debts. I know that I was privileged to have had those things although I had to work hard and live frugally to raise the deposit for a house when I was 32 and a single parent.

Nobody ever gave me large wads of cash. I don't know why you can't see you have had massive privilege.

Are you serious?
I have had less than £1,000 from parents in my entire life, no help with anything ever, and I earn £15k.
I could only dream of support like you have had… you are extremely fortunate and well off!

I think a better way to put this, would be that this is average within your circle, but obviously looking at the world, and the country in general, it is privileged.

For what its worth, I have had a similar experience to you, or one of your friends. But I would always recognise that privilege, and understand that that’s not the case for everybody.

It seems really strange that you don’t understand that, particularly as you are educated, surely you don’t live in that much of a bubble?

You 100% know this isn’t standard adult life

I am just confused why you’re asking this? Surely you knew it would mean getting some negative responses?

You are privileged. 100%