AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

You are 100% in a gifted bubble, but obviously know it given your strange boasting post… I make decent money (£53k in Scotland) but worked my tits off for it, I was privileged in that my dad gave me £1,000 towards driving lessons with any extra going towards my first car when I was 17 (16 years ago). Where you are is far beyond the (as you clearly know) average “privileged” person.

You live in a bubble out of touch with reality then.

This is not normal.

Is this meant to be a joke? Never seen a thread in 18 years so out of touch

Cause you’ll never understand ….

I think its bizarre that you would discuss personal details like this at work. Sounds extremely gossipy

Are you serious? My stepchildren saved up for years to afford their deposits themselves. Rent in the north isn’t as mental as down south just fyi. as an educated working class woman who grew up in council estates you’re hugely privileged and it’s not the norm at all. I don’t have any savings, any rich family to fall back on. But I also have no debt. I don’t drive, don’t go on holidays- never been on an aeroplane. I get free school meals for my older children. It’s ok to be privileged-but don’t try making out it’s normal to be as well off as you are because it really isn’t.

I live in a similar social circle to you and have been gifted a lot by family including towards my flat and Cleaner and a car. My friends alll get similar help but some much much more - but I went to private school. I know that all of us are privileged in comparison to most humans in London or the country.
however I also know that my income after tax is similar or less than many single mums on benefits (I work 3.5 days but similar full time equivalent salary to you) and I don’t get rent paid or nursery refunded 85% and child maintenance doenst touch the sides. So in terms of my monthly purchasing power I’m not privileged compared to the average family with kids.

how much do you think single mums on benefits get ?

Why are you trying to pretend someone buying your daughter a house is normal?

troll.

Oh they’re all still here, but even those rich, bragging ones realise that they walk amongst poor people, they’re not ignorant enough to think that they are the ‘norm’.

Most wealthy people realise how fortunate they are - you’d have to be really fucking thick not to see how bloody hard life is for most people right now and home ownership / a private education / property in trust for a grandchild puts you in an extremely small bracket of adults in the UK.

I genuinely think this is one of the most offensive threads I’ve ever seen. Thinking this is normal? Fuck off and get an idea of the real world. Astounded.

About 39% of adult population in this country have savings of less than £1k and 16% have no savings. How many of these people are handing out deposits never mind houses to their adult DC?

Of course you are privileged. I had an ordinary start too - council house, state school, DV/single parent. I am ND. Never had an inheritance, or a bursary, or a leg up. Worked - along with DH - for everything we have. Our children have AuDHD and one has had significant MH issues so life has been bloody hard in the last 10 years.

However, we are financially successful, our retirement will be pretty luxurious, our kids will never want for anything and will inherit from grandparents, extended family and us. My DH is a good man and adores me/the kids and would never hurt a hair on my or my now adult DCs head. I am also white (unlike most of my adoptive family/half siblings), British, able bodied and gifted with intelligence that offsets my ND.

I am beyond privileged, as are my children and pretty much everyone I know, including the ones who had shitty starts like me or struggle with ND.

OP, you really need to take a moment to understand what ‘privilege’ means - it’s broad, multifaceted and far-reaching. And the biggest indicator of your privilege is the fact that you have no idea that you are. Count yourself very very lucky.

Don't fucking inflict her on us. What did we ever do to deserve that?

I'll bite. I didn't get quite the leg up the OP got but have had a solidly middle class, comfortable background all my life. My family were never in a position of having to worry about money and as an adult,, neither have I. Holidays, meals out, theatre, concerts are normal every day activities.

Income wise I'm in the top 1% in the UK. Aside from the house I live in I own 2 flats, mortgage free worth around £450,000 to £500,000, one of which my son (private school obviously) lives in. Most, possibly all, of the people I know socially are the same, or even better off: ;many of the people I work with and for are same, some are considerably richer.

I'm also possessed of the remarkable facility of being able to read the news, watch television, attend lectures, even listen to politicians and generally be fully aware I and my social circle are immensely privileged.

You're privileged. You're surrounded with privileged people and therefore think it is average. You don't have to apologise for your privilege, enjoy it! (I am as well as are my friends) But surely it is not hard to imagine that an average household making £55k doesn't have a trust fund for grandchildren and saving £50k for their children's deposit.

You are very privileged. I say that as someone who is also lucky enough to be privileged. Please try to educate yourself on what life looks like for people who aren't privileged. Having compassion and understanding for people who aren't as lucky as you is really important for our society.

Feeling a bit bored were you?

In the hope you do genuinely want to educate yourself about the wider world, in parts of North London time the waiting list for a council property is 12,000 people. In practice that translates to a 12 year wait. That's why families are living in one room.
And yes, you are incredibly privileged, as much as I am with the financial help I had from family when I bought my flat.

As well as broadening your horizons by volunteering, OP, here's another suggestion: educate your daughter so she understands that she is privileged and never comes across as tone-deaf as you have done on this thread.

My mum and dad left school at 14, as most people of their generation did. My dad owned a successful family business with my uncle and we lived in an comfortable new-build house in one of the affluent suburbs of our city. My mum wanted my brother and me to understand we were privileged so she took us on the bus (we had no car) to see heavy industry at work and tiny, grimy terraced houses on the other side of the city.

My life has been materially privileged because both my parents had died by the time I was 23 and I inherited, and I went to university when relatively few people did, built a career and worked hard. That privilege has passed to my daughter. She and I have had conversations about relative privilege since she was a teenager. I have taught her that having people who love you unconditionally, a roof over your head, food on the table every day and access to education is privilege, because many people in the world do not have those things. We have talked about the privilege of going to private school for sixth form, possible because I earn well, of visiting foreign countries two or three times a year throughout your childhood, and of being able to learn to play musical instruments, go to concerts and eat in restaurants. We have talked about the value of hard work and financial independence for women.

Please consider finding your own way of helping your daughter understand her privilege too, so that she goes out into the world with poise and confidence from knowing who she is and where she fits in.

Typo

Love this response !

I was actually feeling pretty inadequate about my crappy life already tonight, and this thread feels like the last straw! Never been gifted a penny, have no family to fall back on, have a stressful job and huge responsibilities and my house (that I saved and paid for myself) is falling apart. I bet the OP can't even imagine someone like me.

If OP is not a troll, then I hope to God she isn't saying these things to people in real life.

Privilege is relative I suppose. I was able to borrow £3k for a house deposit (1999 - house was 21k - cheap even for then) from my mum which I gave back to her 3 years later when I sold for 36k and used the equity to buy a bigger house. I don’t know anyone else in my friend group who was gifted or even borrowed from parents. My husband and I earn a decent wage and have a lovely home and 3/4 children are adults. We couldn’t afford to gift them a house deposit (maybe we could afford it for one but not all four) but we help where we can (childcare help to save costs, taking them on holiday every so often etc) I feel we’re privileged and I believe our dc would say that they are too.
Only one of dh’s 7 siblings own their own home and none could afford to gift substantial amounts to their children. They all work. None have had any help from parents nor will they inherit anything life changing.
My friend group all own their own homes and some have been able to help their children but most are in a similar position to us.
With kindness, I feel your post is a little tone deaf but suspect it’s because of the circles you’ve always moved in. In my opinion, you are privileged, this is different to being rich or having no money worries but you and your daughter are in a position many people could only dream of.

I was privileged financially when I was younger

my parents paid my mortgage (deposit from grandparents passing, 95% mortgage on a cheap house) as they didn’t have one to pay (while I was a student)
I am grateful but I would also have liked to have had a mum who wasn’t abusive so I guess privilege comes in different forms. The house was held over me and used to blackmail me into a termination of pregnancy

now I earn 29k, live alone and it’s tough when things go up. I was given 8k by a relative and just sat and cried as I could finally clear some debt I had been trying to for ages. That money was life changing for me

You've got a fair bit of money and your family does too. Above average according to statistics, re savings, wages, assets. I don't think rich people are "privileged" though, they're just rich.