AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

Not at all, that's just the circle you live in. You seem to live in a middle class circle a couple of generations in.

No one is know was gifted a house. Most people I know are either the first generation in their families to be in middle class professions, or they are sill in working class roles or on benefits. Most the working class either still rent or have saved really hard for a deposit on a low value home and there they will stay. The ones in middle class professions have all took a few years of very minimal spending and living with parents to save up and bought a really cheap house, then overpaid the mortgage to use the house as a savings account before buying a higher value house.

I am currently planning on doing the same, current house is my 1st step and ready for the step up, but I was renting before buying my 1st house as a single parent. Both the rental and my current home were at the lower end of the market so it was achievable without a penny off anyone else towards my deposit. I will never inherite a penny. I get a couple of gifts each Xmas and birthday but zero monetary gifts. No one i know does.

Your life is only average for a couple of generations in middle class background. Anyone coming from a working class family will not have what you and your DD has, but those of us who gave managed to do better than previous generations will hopefully pave the way for the following generations to get what you do. Unfortunately until our deaths we won't be able to give help for our DC deposit as we will be paying massive mortgages up until retirement. But our children will inherite and if they work hard too, their children will be able to get help from the inheritance money

‘She’ isn’t far off, IMHO.

Not that I condone rudeness.

It took my husband and I years to save for a deposit to buy a house. It was mostly about saving work bonuses, having cheap holidays and being frugal. I feel lucky we had bonuses at all. We don't have parents who can't help us out financially. That's just how it is for loads of people.

What is this??

50k gifted as the "norm" for a house deposit? I don't know about others but I had to do it all myself. And I am NOT well off and neither were my parents.

Multiple gifts of thousands of pounds a year? Nope, never. Nothing you have said remotely resonates with me.

Your post is uncalled for. Do you not read/watch/listen to the news? Do you not realise how privileged you are to have a daughter who has been gifted a property by her grandparents? That you were given £50k to get on the housing ladder and that you earn twice the national average salary? What is the point of this thread? Stop looking at the 1%, look at the 99%, be grateful for the good fortune you and your daughter have, do some volunteer work (you won't do that last suggestion).

So, so privileged. Have the honesty to recognise it!

@Finchell

I just sold my car (£200) to pay an unexpected bill. I had to get to the dentist, it crippled my budget.

I make my children food and I eat if they leave some. I chose whether I put the heating on (snow earlier on here) or I just go to bed because that £7 has to last, and a child needs shoes. I eat bread from Olio. (It's free. That is a gift, and I'm not being sarcastic.)

We magically didn't get gifted a deposit for a house therefore we magically don't have one. Fucking magical.

Having my (beautiful) baby has left me with serious complications. Yet I will return to my minimum wage role where I care for others 14 hours a day, which I have done for 2 decades. I don't have parents. That was magical.

I did all the right things, I worked hard, I got married, I waited to become a mother, I saved hard but illness, bereavement and the economy and whateverthefuck keeps happening to the world post covid means my budget just doesn't stack. My wages do not cover childcare. I don't break even.

I spend a lot of time trying to make the numbers work. So I just keep cutting out anything excess. Like my food. Like transport. Because I'm a mother, and a care worker and life is fucking hard and tiring.

Wake.the.fuck.up

Please please get out your bubble some how. If you have spare time go and help at a food bank. Huge swathes of the country are living in dire situations, council housing barely exists and waiting lists are obscene for what little there is.
you and your daughter are incredibly privileged

OP, you could have saved yourself some harsh words with a quick Google search for median salary, average savings per household, and average trust fund amount.

I do find it hard to believe that you genuinely would not realise that your personal experience may not be average just because it is normal to you.

Actually, there is nolonger council housing in the way that it was understood until the 1980s because Margaret Thatcher introduced right to buy to create a property-owning democracy. There is social housing. There are shared ownership schemes. And there is a massive housing shortage, That's shy the government has a target to build 1.5 million new homes. If you read or watched anything about current affairs, you would have an awareness of such things and perhaps come across more sympathetically than you are doing here.

This is bonkers. And I don’t believe anyone is this naive. Every single person you know has been bought a house or had a house deposit given to them?? That is purely because you only mix with people of the same social standing as you and that’s fundamentally because of your private education - you have been so sheltered you think everyone has a house in trust for their child?

This is so embarrassing, I’m reminded of that dickhead Prince Andrew who said in the News Night interview ‘No it wasn’t a party, it was a straightforward shooting weekend’. Fuck me! How are people so deluded. Do you not drive through council estates? Do you not watch the news? Have you never had a conversation with a normal person, like your hairdresser? Or postman? Or the man that fixes your car? Do you think the woman on the till in Tesco has had a house deposit given to her? Or been privately educated or has houses in trusts for her kids? LOL! This is fucking mental.

I consider myself pretty damn comfortable financially but I don’t live in cloud cuckoo land and I appreciate how privileged I am, but I’m not in your league OP.

Just for your reference so it puts things in to perspective for you. I think the average salary in the UK is about 35k, the average FTB is aged 34 and just 6 percent of UK children attend private school.

I’m baffled by what you must do for a job where you earn 71k - yet you have to ask this question?

An expensive education and a good education are not necessarily the same thing. As an example, Prince Harry went to Eton.

This is a tough read, OP. I live in a similar situation to you in that I was bought my first car and gifted money for a house deposit, my wedding, etc. We will also inherent reasonably well from my side. However, I absolutely know how privileged I am.

My husband and I work hard to afford the standard of life to which we have become accustomed, but we would not be able to live that life if we hadn’t been given the financial support we were. It would not be possible, at all.

I work in a school within an area of high deprivation. Many of these young people will work incredibly hard and never come close to the lifestyle we have. They are in stuck in a cycle of generational poverty that is nearly impossible to break free from. I made a comment to a young person about having more than one toilet in my house, they were shocked. They then asked how many bedrooms I have and explained that their bedroom is actually a living room because they live with 2 siblings and a single dad. They had never stayed in a hotel or left the country. All 3 siblings are in school but having to work part-time to contribute to the bills. They rely heavily on school meals to eat. School holidays cause many families stress as they can’t afford to buy enough food. Nobody turns their heating on. Most families don’t have cars as they can’t afford it. We don’t implement uniform policies as families can’t afford them, we’re just delighted the kids are in school! Kids turning up in white trainers? It’s usually the only pair of shoes they have. We had an appeal for Christmas party dresses in the community and had a clothes swap at break times leading up to the Christmas dance as most families couldn’t afford to buy an outfit. The pupils loved it and shopped the donated items with such joy, it was absolutely heartbreaking to watch as it is something I have always taken for granted.

I could write a million different examples but I won’t. Please educate yourself on the reality that many people in the UK live everyday. You’re incredibly privileged and are in a position where you could help. Volunteer at a food bank, family centre, youth group - get to know people truly outwith your social circle and class. I think you’d be a lot more appreciative of what you have.

I suspect you’re at least 10/15 years younger than me or move in very different circles.
Nobody I know was gifted money towards a property. I saved every penny for my own deposit and then painstakingly made the habitable, and by that I mean it took several years before I had standard furniture like a bed. No child I know has been gifted any inheritance or property. Thats a ludicrous and extremely privileged mindset.
i own a small property outright after decades of hard graft and earn 600% percent less than you because I am a carer of a child with complex needs. My life is a constant battle tbh but I still consider myself privileged because I have my health (fingers crossed!) and a roof over my head and am safe.
Your post has blown my mind tbh. You sound so blasé and quite materialistic.

This is an example of why @Finchell‘s poorly educated post is so crass.

Sending you all the best @halftermhalfawake 💐

Outside my street there is a shanty town. My youngest kids have to live of shurbs and small insects they find under the stones. I thought about taking in ironing but I don’t have any electricity. The snow is currently coming in through the roof, there is boiled cabbage for dinner.

You can lead a Royal horse to water...

Eh, I own a home (7 figures), mortgage almost paid off. Zero financial assistance……no financial help for uni/ flat deposit/ holidays. Shocking I know - but I worked and paid for my own life!

Where are all the council houses?! Reminded me of this quote "Are there no workhouses?"

Got to be a wind up surely, and clearly its worked. First post by this OP ...

They don’t so they rent!! Usually for life. Often meaning having to move every 6-12 months to some other shitty house they hate. You can’t seriously not realise a massive number of people can never buy their own home?

Thanks 💕 I think a pps suggestion that the op go to a foodbank to volunteer is a really good idea, hopefully op will think about it.

There are other pps in the thread who have a degree of material privilege too but they clearly have a real understanding of the very different circumstances that exist for many families and individuals; that the world is not always a stable place.

I can't let it break me that I can't gift my children a house, or an annual sum or anything beyond the here and now; because that won't get us out of this, only keeping a level head will do that.

No but people tend to gravitate towards others in their socio economic group. It's natural. Almost all our friends have similar incomes and lifestyles as us and it leads us to think it's the norm when it isn't.

Level-headed love is the greatest gift parents can give their kids.

Fair point.