Unreliable daughter - do I put my foot down?

[AyiaNanna]

As much as I’ve been very excited for grandchildren I have always made it clear that I’m not prepared to do any childcare. She only returned to work last week and already she’s asked me to cover next week. Supposedly she’s only just found out that the nursery is closed.

Should I agree or am I opening up the floodgates and encouraging yet more requests!

Do I say no and let her sort herself out?

That seems wise under the circumstances!

I'm not a grandparent yet its just my love for my parents doesn't come with terms and conditions. I've never had set day childcare from my parents and we all still have a great relationship. Why wouldn't we.

Maybe its because you are rude.

There is a huge spectrum between not helping out at all and being the full time minder.
My dds understand this. We have a great relationship and they understand we will help but we wont be rearing.
Its rediculous to think it has to be all or nothing.

OP's daughter hasn't asked her mum for full-time or even regular childcare though as she has put her baby into nursery. As she only went back to work last week, she obviously wasn't aware that the nursery would be closed all week.

As OP's daughter has just returned to work after maternity leave I can understand that she would be reluctant to ask for time off at such short notice. OP hasn't said that she is busy or at work so can't look after her grandchild. She just doesn't want to do any childcare at all.

She hasn't said she doesn't want to do any childcare at all

I would. Her children - and she needs to sort out regular childcare.

Well she should be aware it wasnt open.
Big mistake. Still not emergency.
And op didnt say she wouldnt do any.

From the OP:

“I have always made it clear that I’m not prepared to do any childcare.”

Depends what people mean by childcare though there is childcare and babysitting. Some people think of childcare as replacing nursery or nanny. But who knows as op disappeared days ago 🤷‍♀️

Oops. Look at you, completely misunderstanding my post.

Fucking hell, you won't help out your own DD with childcare when she needs it? You sound lovely.

I am sure she will bear this in mind when she is choosing your care home one day.

OP, do you work? Or are you going to be just pottering around next week while your dd struggles? If so, I think that's cruel.

Do I say no and let her sort herself out? - Yes, you could do this. And then when you're old and frail and need a helping hand suddenly and with no notice, maybe your dd will say no and let you sort yourself out.

Ooops look at you not undertstanding sarcasm.

Scarleh for ya.

Don't be surprised when you're old and frail and your DD doesn't help you and you have no relationship at all with your grandchildren.

I cannot imagine being this selfish, although I have a mum who is like this.

My own mum would never help out but I had a MIL who was great when my eldest DD was little. My MIL, the Nan to my two youngest lived too far away to be helpful but she would have, had she lived closer.

I help my DD 4 days a week. We do the afternoon school run when they're in school and I look after them those same 4 days when they're on school holidays. I absolutely cherish the time spent with them and dread their need for me coming to an end.

So the ONLY reason an adult child might help an elderly parent who’s suffered a fall and needs emergency help is because that parent offered childcare to young grandchildren?

Are you out of your mind?!

I’ve never come across a culture where this is the norm. I can’t believe it would last that long.
With children like this you really have to worry for the wellbeing of any grandchildren. Apparently all a woman deserves is to procreate, raise children, help raise her daughter’s children. It’s like the Stone Ages!

WOW. Personal choice I guess but I have 8 grandchildren aged from 3 up to 19. They are my world and I have them stay over, take them on holiday or day trips as often as I can. I’d much rather take care of them than them you to child minders or nursery school.

When will she ever learn what? Having children can be unpredictable. Do it or don't do it, but don't pretend it's for her own good.

That is not a nice thing to say. Grandparents should not be seen as automatic on demand free childcare. Whatever your thoughts your comments are not at all nice and are extremely unhelpful. Each family has their own dynamics.

I think they being your world is not the flex you think it is.

I get it being last minute is annoying and that should be worked on by her. However, you sound incredibly cold here if I’m being honest. Most grandparents would enjoy spending that time with their grandkids. It’s not like you’re agreeing to a regular weekly arrangement, which would be very different.

I would have a think. You are under no obligation to help at all, but your title and your OP are full of contempt. Would be good for you to look at that if you hope to have a relationship with your DD going forward.

I'm confused - you are making a point that this is unreasonable as it is last minute - but you also said you made it clear you don't want to provide ANY childcare - so it isn't the short notice that is the issue, is it?
You are perfectly entitled to say no - don't come back with a post complaining you don't get to spend time with your grandkids and the other grandparents are really close to them

I haven't read all the answers, or any more of your comments, because your first post has me enraged! Looking after grandchildren and being trusted with them is an incredible honour, and one you should be grateful to be able to do!

I struggle to understand this mindset to be honest.
Family is the most important thing in the world, my mother died at 54 and never got to meet her grandchildren. My husband and I didn’t have anyone at all to help and it was hard.
I can’t wait to have grandchildren one day and they’ll have a second home with me.
You go to most other places in the world and families are so much closer, inter generational living is the norm, family support networks are stronger.
With such a selfish and standoffish attitude, don’t be surprised to find yourself alone in your older years.

Are you saying it was unpredictable that nursery would be closed for a week over Easter?