Being fat stopping me from being happy

[SunFunGin48392]

I'm so so so unreasonable but I this is too stupid to say in real life and yet incredibly massive for me. I have a nearly 2 year old DS. I went back to work at 6 month post partum, I'm successful career wise, make good money. DS is thriving. I have a nice house. DH is not the best at doing his share but not the worst. I should be enjoying life and I can’t. All I can think of is how much weight I have put on since I went back to work. I've gone from a size 8 (I lost the baby weight after I had the baby) to a size 14. I have no photos with DS in the last 6 months as I look awful and it's so sad. I'm on the taller size (5'7") so I just look enormous. My skin is awful too.

I'm also extremely sleep deprived. DS still wakes once a night, and more if he is sick. I've made various attempts at diet and exercise but they go out the window when DS gets sick and starts waking 4 times a night.

I work 50 hours a week so there is very, very, very little time to exercise. It can only happen if DS sleeps and my day goes as scheduled.

This Easter weekend I'm so exhausted, I can barely get up from the sofa. I do have some health issues made worse by lack of exercise and being fat so that's not helping.

I feel worthless and completely unlovable.

I haven't seen friends for months and I've backed out of plans with friends tonight for the same reason. I just don't want to be seen by anyone.

Anyone else feel the same and managed to change?

Name changed for this as I know how fucking stupid and embarrassing I am.

You’re being really hard on yourself- you are a busy Mum with no time to do some of the things you want. Actually, size 14 isn’t fat at all- you’re just bigger than you want to be. I’m sure you look fine. Concentrate on getting the rest you need and getting support so you can exercise sometimes. I’m sure you will soon start to feel better. It’s a big change you have been through so give yourself a break!

Firstly, size 14 is not huge but I get it if you're not happy this size. Don't be so hard on yourself , your life sounds exhausting. Have you considered weight loss meds to get you closer to the weight you want to be? Might inspire you to start exercising again. Having said that if you're completely wrecked all the time and skin looking bad might it be worth a GP appointment to check checked out?

You need to look at food as nourishment for your body. You don't need to exercise for things to get better. Being sleep deprived massively impacts us. I don't eat perfectly, but I'm doing things like adding nuts and seeds to my weetabix, having tuna and salad, adding veg and beans/pulses were I can. Think about were you might be nutritionally low and look into supplements. Do you have a skincare routine?

I'm sorry you feel shit. Exercise is nothing to do with it. You've gotta exercise for a bloody long time to work off anything.

what eating habits have you got into that you know are unhealthy?

Don't be tempted by WLI, as suggested, it won't do anything nutritionally and you'll add hair loss into the mix.

Can you work less than 50 hours? It's 10 hours a day. You carry a lot with work, housework and a young child.
You need a bit of time if you are to commit to diet and exercise I think.

Sugar. Lots and lots of sugar.

DS was waking every 2 hours on the dot when I went back to work. I remember once in a meeting I couldn't function and thinking I've 4 had hours of sleep total between Sunday and Wednesday FML. Donuts, brownies and every pastry out there.

Plus a G&T after putting baby to bed.

@SunFunGin48392
be kind to yourself here

14-16 is the UK average and out
bodies all Change after having kids and being so busy we sometimes grab convenience items rather than peeling tonnes of vegetables.

Try and relax this weekend - everything is always worse when we are exhausted.

You have 2 years of sleep deprivation and are working long hours. I do understand that, after a lifetime of being slim, it’s hard to
get used to a new body but, right now, it’s the body you have.

you need to be kinder to yourself, you work long hours and have a toddler to look after. I work 37.5 hours a week and my youngest is 17 and I still struggle to find the energy to exercise!

can you go for a walk at lunchtime? Not for the exercise or to lose weight but simply for the well being benefits of getting away from your desk.

Can dh step up more? Can he do some of the night time awakenings? Have you spoken to him about how the weight gain makes you feel?

honestly at 5ft 7 size 14 is still fairly slim but I do understand that you’re used to being very slim.

I voted you are unreasonable because you feel worthless and unlovable and nobody should feel like they ❤️

Mounjaro worked for me. I know how people feel about WLI, but working the same sort of hours you do and after years and years of dieting, exercise etc I just wanted to stop thinking about it all 24/7.

You sound burnt out and exhausted - and one of the consequences of that can be weight gain & tired looking skin. I feel you - I certainly felt fat at a size 14. Some people can look great at that size, but I didn't. I then crept up to a size 16, and I felt the same way you did.

You need more time to rest - sleep & stress have a huge impact on weight gain. Please talk to your DH about stepping up more to give you a break - he needs to know how unhappy you are, and how this is affecting your life.

I'm not necessarily recommending them to you - but WLI have changed my life. I haven't had any hair loss, or any serious side effects, I just feel amazing. I've been on them for the past 11 months and it's made it very easy for me to lose the weight I had been carrying for over 10 years. If you don't have the time to dedicate to diet and exercise, can afford them, and the weight is making you miserable, it may be an answer.

Oh gosh, I have been there and have the (oversized!) t-shirt. Your post was so relatable to me. I’ve struggled with food and being overweight all my life. All I wanted to do was hide away from the world. My confidence was on the floor.

Mounjaro saved me. Please don’t rule it out. I have lost 6 stone slowly and sensibly. Mounjaro doesn’t melt away the fat on its own; you have to put the work in! I have completely overhauled how I eat.
Only downside is that I’m now spending a lot on clothes. Thank goodness for Vinted! I absolutely love myself now.
Best of luck.

Your weight is completely unrelated to the 50 hours of work your doing and your sleep deprivation due to your toddler.

Do you eat loads of sugar/snacks as you're knackered? I think it might be worth getting some bloods done at the GP if you're so exhausted. As you sound like when I was severely iron deficient and anaemic. I had to eat something every 2 hours to keep going and piled on weight. When I dealt with the iron deficiency I didn't need to eat so frequently for energy boosts and it seemed to have helped with cravings. You want a ferritin over 30 minimum, so clarify your result even if they say it's "satisfactory".

Sleep deprivation is awful though and won't be helping, what's the usual wake for? Have you considered sleep training? As your current situation of broken sleep is not sustainable with those work hours and a partner who isn't the best

I’ve never eaten so healthily and my hair looks fantastic.

Not true. The OP will (quite understandably) be reaching for the wrong foods/snacks out of tiredness.
So yes, maybe not a direct link, but you can see how it happens.

Lose the weight

The job will still require 50 hours a week

lose the weight

the toddler will still be up multiple times a night

If you are eating healthily then yes, you will look better. But I do wonder if you were capable of completely, instantly changing your diet, why did you need WLI? The OP can do that without spending hundreds and having the possibile side effects. Most people just take their appetite suppression and don't make changes, then put weight on once they've stopped. For a size 14 woman, who hasn't tried making changes, they shouldn't be suggested.

DH is not the best at doing his share but not the worst.

Well this is a low bar isn't it?

I don't imagine he gets away with doing less than everyone else at work, and his boss just says "Oh well, he's not the best at doing what we pay him for, but he's not the worst".

Get him to do his FAIR share and you'll find you have more time to look after yourself.

I hear you and you are not alone! It's so miserable feeling like nothing looks nice on as well. Everything went to shit when I went back to work full time after having my second DD (now nearly 1). I'm just clinging to the hope that she'll start to sleep better soon and I'll feel better and things will stabilize again. They did after my first DD, around 18 months I think. Hang in there, you are doing the impossible and this phase doesn't last long. Buying yourself a few clothes you like in the right size might help in the meantime.

My ferritin is 13, I had a check up 4 months ago because of other health issues. Vit D and B12 is low too. I've been taking b12 and vit D but unfortunately iron supplements made me incredibly sick, I've spent over £200 on everything on the market. GP said ferritin is not low enough for me to get an injection so stick to eating more meat (I eat meat every dinner anyway) and it's not low enough to cause symptoms anyway. So I'm a bit stuck on that unfortunately.

There is nothing I can do about DH. We've had the chats, the fights, all of it. He's not doing any more.

I'm keeping him around for now, I don't have the energy for a divorce.

Shit sleep is so bad for your health. Sorting your sleep out will help however you want to improve your health.

Plenty of us took the WLI so that we could sort out our relationship with food without dealing with significant hunger at the same time. And have therefore managed to keep the weight off (2 years so far for me).

OP, I’d definitely consider WLI if you qualify and can afford it. There’s loads of support out there (including the boards on here) about how to make sure you’re getting good nutrition. I also think you need talk to your DP. He should be solo parenting your child for a couple of hours each week so you can do exercise. Looking after your physical health is an important thing and a decent partner will want that for you.

So to me this sounds root cause of unhappiness.

An unhappy marriage