I want the house. AIBU?

[HouseFair]

I feel like this might be controversial…

My boyfriend and I are buying a house. We have been together three years and I’m pregnant! Happy surprise. I own a flat but we live together in a rented house as he has three older kids so my flat isn’t big enough for us all. I’m selling it to provide the deposit on the house.

Part of the mortgage discussion is on life insurance. I have told him I want mirror policies in place which pay off the mortgage which leave the house in the surviving person’s name. He seems reticent about this and I think it’s because he thinks it should be left to his kids.

AIBU?

Because, once again you’ve misunderstood how these things work.

Go on…

Exactly. It’s his choice and I absolutely wouldn’t be buying a house with him.

Ultimately, if I die, he would be significantly better off (because I care about my child’s security, the house will be paid off, and he’ll be able to live in it until our child - and all of his - are adults) in a house he’d have no way of affording otherwise.

If he dies, I’d be selling the home and would have nothing from him.

How is that fair?

Oh FFS. Then don’t buy a house there.

Buy a house somewhere else. Or don’t get involved with a man with kids if you’re going to complain about every aspect of it.

You want him to cut his children out, or take out separate insurance so that one gives you a free house and the his kids get none of it.

What you want is not fair and selfish. What you’re being told is the fair way to do it to protect everyone. Turning round now and saying “but I don’t want that house” is just stupid. It doesn’t change anything.

You don’t want to live there? Then go ahead and sell it, move but his kids are getting his share. He can still have life insurance to pay off the house. If it’s work £800k, then you’d walk away with £500k after it sold because the insurance would have paid off the bank and you get your deposit as well. That’s plenty. His kids would get their share.

But it seems that you really will not be happy until his kids are cut off. He should run a mile from you.

His life insurance would pay off the mortgage. You would then get half that when the house sold. You are getting something from him. Stop acting like an idiot, it isn’t a good look.

You would get half of a completely paid off house. Exactly the same as he would get if you died once insurance paid out and the house was sold and split. Or if you want to be really shitty about it then his kids can just get his share of whatever he paid in, and you keep all the rest of the equity that the life insurance pays for. But that’s really shitty and exactly why he should run a mile from
you.

You clearly do not understand how this works. Anyone who thinks an ex can sue for “lost CMS” should not be doing anything financial themselves.

Go and see a solicitor.

HE DOESN’T HAVE, AND REFUSES TO TAKE OUT LIFE INSURANCE.

Then he won’t get on the mortgage. It’s very usually a condition of getting a mortgage that you have life insurance.

I’m not talking about now, while he doesn’t have life insurance. I’m talking about when he has a mortgage and is required to have life insurance. Obviously.

Even if the bank doesn’t require it, you should. What idiot buys a house with someone without life insurance to cover the cost?

You’re both as clueless as each other.

That’s not what will happen. To get the mortgage, he needs life insurance. If you find a bank who will do it without then you’re just as stupid as he is. Don’t buy a house with him without insurance. Then he’ll take it out.

It really doesn’t sound like he is the sort of man anyone with sense chooses for their life partner. And you do not at all sound like the right sort of person to be a step mum. Mistakes all round here.

Or he has misunderstood…

the house is only ever owned tenants in common. His % is left to his kids in equal parts, yours is left to yours in equal parts. Joint children benefit from both sides of the equation.

Both of you have a legal right to remain, to move, to see out your days. No one ‘just’ leaves it to the kids, he leaves his portion to a Trust in which you have a life interest and vice versa. Mirror wills are not required (and don’t work). It is also quite normal to have excess life insurance to give current needs.

if he won’t give the life interest then fuck that. If he doesn’t understand how these things work, that’s different.

Either party can decide to give up the life interest, but no one can be made to.

No one gets booted out. Assets from the life insurance don’t exist until a death. If things change in 5 years a will can be rewritten.

Ah well then he’s knob and you should def call time on him.

You can also take a life insurance policy out on him. He doesn’t need to do it.

Get a policy for both of you to cover the cost of the house and add that to your household bills cost, so you’re both paying for them.

One of you dies, house paid off, split between survivor and the kids, everyone gets plenty. It’s honestly not that complicated.

Of course she has an insurable interest, it could be considered a family expense, but really would you bother?

It’s not required, it’s “highly recommended.” He’s said he’s not wasting his money on that or a will.

And quite. Which is why I have decided I won’t be buying with him. I do have insurance.

OP you need proper advice here, from a professional. You must know you’re unlikely to get a mortgage approved without him having life insurance? If both of you are just winging these important legal considerations without actually knowing what your options and limitations are you won’t get anywhere.

That’s utter nonsense. The mortgage does not need to be insured. Crazy, but true.

I don’t think OP does need the legal advice now as she has taken on board what has been said, and has decided not to buy a house with the idiot. 💐

Cross posted. I think you’re right not to buy with him. Big decisions like this often show the cracks in how you approach things. Unfortunately since you’re having a baby you’re kind of stuck with someone you now know is either stupid or reckless when it comes to money, but you can at least protect yourself by keeping finances and home ownership separate.

That would have been the end of the conversation for me. Wouldn’t even have bothered going on to discuss wills, certainly wouldn’t have come to mumsnet so ask how to cut the kids out of the house. I wouldn’t have got past “no insurance” conversation with him. But you obviously did, because you only decided not to buy with him after being told it was standard for him to leave his share to his kids. Weird that you got that far when he refused to get insurance at the first step.

so it seems but for the four mortgages I’ve had, insurance has been a requirement.

We don’t share all household bills, so it’d be me paying it. He’s said he won’t pay it. And frankly I don’t know why I should have to shoulder all the monthly payments to provide for his kids, if he can’t be bothered?

The rules have changed. No need to have life assurance, some providers might ask, but it’s not required.

For the two I’ve had, you haven’t (though of course I have taken one out), and we’ve spoken to Halifax and L&C lately who’ve said it’s not legally required.

But even if not legally required it’s often a requirement of the bank (though this discussion is now academic since you’re not proceeding!)