To not sign a Congratulations on your baby card BEFORE the birth

[BringBackCatsEyes]

Just been invited to sign a card for a colleague going on Mat leave next week.
It has congratulations on your new arrival on it. She’s not due for a couple of weeks still.
I said I was uneasy about signing it before the birth and would opt out if I was the only one who felt that way. Got a reply saying “I understand, thanks for letting me know”.
I have already sent my best wishes to the colleague, but wondered…would others feel like this?

Is it superstition?

YANBU at all.

I also feel the same about Baby Showers.

I like to celebrate the safe arrival of a new baby.

I wouldn’t write it personally because it is factually incorrect, not because I think it will jinx it.
However if it was already on the group card then I would still sign it.

Nope. Not until baby is here and alive. Not a chance in hell.

I think yabvu. It's just a card.

Not superstition, no.
Until the baby is safe in her arms it seems wrong to congratulate her.
You wouldn’t wave someone off on Mat leave in person with a “congratulations on your new arrival”, would you?

Superstition, bad luck call it what you want. I wouldn't do it either.

YANBU. It should have been a "we'll miss you" card as that's really what you're saying. And then once the baby is here you send a card and gift to her home from everyone saying "congratulations" and "welcome to the world".

I don’t think it’s superstitious, I think it’s appropriate. I know two people who have suffered the agony of still birth with full-term pregnancies and I don’t like to congratulate or buy gifts for a baby until they are safely here. I will happily buy a gift for the mother but I cannot bring myself to buy things for baby.

I don't give gifts or cards celebrating the baby arriving until the baby actually arrives!

Call it superstition, or whatever but it's always felt a bit weird for me. I have been to 1 baby shower but that was more about the new mum than the baby - no over the top games or anything like that, just afternoon tea and a catch up before the baby arrived.

YANBU.
well, it would ok if the card is prepared now and kept until after the baby is safely born.

But for anyone minimising your concern as being superstition, surely anyone can see that of the worst happens and the baby is stillborn, having this card would just be an additional knife in the wound.

I think it’s the wording of the AIBU…

I agree that the card should have different wording.. but OP isn’t asking if she should suggest getting a different card, she’s just declining to sign it and asking if she is being unreasonable for not signing it.

Presumably the lady is still getting the card whether or not OP signs it… so I don’t really see the point in not signing it.

I’m exactly the same OP. I always make a point of wishing them all the best, hope things go smoothly etc but never sign a ‘congratulations on your new baby’ card until it’s safely arrived.

I don't do anything until a baby is safely here. I don't want in any way to add to the pain of a newly bereaved mother by her having to decide what to do with a bunch of cards all showing the hope and joy she was expecting on that day. I'll contribute to vouchers or buy a gift for her, but no, I wouldn't sign a congratulations card or tiny clothes that could go unworn.

Why? There is no 'new arrival' yet?

Sorry my AIBU wasn't clear, I was typing quickly on my phone.

I don't sign things just because everyone else is. Yes, she'll get the card, but I won't be associated with it.

That is a bad idea to give a congratulations on your new arrival card before the baby is even born. Quite shocking. Yes, definitely do not sign that.

She's already getting the card anyway so I can't see what difference it would make other than you being able to say "I told you so" if the worst should ever happen.

As a Mum who's been bereaved twice it's weird and slightly offensive that people think signing a card could cause 'tempt fate' or whatever. I also found it lovely when people acknowledged my daughters birth (she died in neonatal, my son was a bit older.) The 2 card i got congratulating me and welcoming her mean so much.

I wouldn't sign it.

I am not superstitious as such, but there is a lot that can go wrong even at this late stage.

Someone I knew many years ago had a stillbirth, but had been feeling the baby kicking and moving up till about 3 or 4 days beforehand.

It was very upsetting for all involved, and even though she wasn't a close friend, that stuck with me for years.

It's not superstition.
If you think this is about me wanting to say "told you so" then you have me very wrong.
If me not signing a card BEFORE a baby is born is offensive then I really am losing my way.
I have acknowledged friends who have had any sort of pregnancy loss, that has nothing at all to do with me not wanting to congratulate a colleague for something that has not happened.

You can get cards that say things like “You’re leaving to have a baby!” which is much more appropriate imo. We had a card going round at work the other day for someone which said “Congratulations on your baby“ and loads of people had written things inside like “congrats on the new arrival!” which I thought was odd given it hadn’t arrived yet, but maybe people didn’t realise and thought it had?!

@BringBackCatsEyesI would be uneasy too. Superstition is irrational and linked to luck. Being concerned that you welcome a baby prior to it taking its first breath, isn’t superstition. It’s obvious something could go wrong! So not irrational luck. I’d much prefer to sign a leaving card and wish her well. Then send a baby card after the birth!

I agree with you it’s a terrible choice of card but I wouldn’t actually refuse to sign it

Is anyone else not signing it? It only says that on the front of the card right? Just write “all the best Mary” inside. You are really over thinking it, I bet the card organiser is rolling their eyes!

It's an e-card (we are an entirely remote international team).
The words inside are entirely appropriate for a baby that has been born.
I have never met the card organiser, she is the team PA and I very much doubt she is rolling her eyes. She said she understood. I don't mind if she rolls her eyes.

I have sent my good wishes to my colleague.