To not sign a Congratulations on your baby card BEFORE the birth

[BringBackCatsEyes]

Just been invited to sign a card for a colleague going on Mat leave next week.
It has congratulations on your new arrival on it. She’s not due for a couple of weeks still.
I said I was uneasy about signing it before the birth and would opt out if I was the only one who felt that way. Got a reply saying “I understand, thanks for letting me know”.
I have already sent my best wishes to the colleague, but wondered…would others feel like this?

I'm not sure what you're getting at.
No, I didn't ask.
No, I didn't challenge.
No, I wasn't curious.
It's obvious it's something the PA didn't consider as inappropriate.

I opted out and told her why. The PA is not daft, she could quite easily have explained her choice of words.

I agree with you OP, I do sign them but wish them good luck or something similar and put money in the collection rather than congratulations on an arrival that hasn't happened yet. Looking back at the card I got for my second mat leave most people did the same - said they'd miss me and good luck.

I have had a stillbirth. I wouldn't buy a card with that on it but I would sign a works card with my own message. My workplace gave me a teddy for the baby when I went on maternity leave and it is something I treasure now so gifts for the baby are not necessarily inappropriate.

Definitely this! I know two ladies that have been through this too. If I attend a baby shower, I buy a gift for mum to be. I always wait until baby has safely arrived before buying for baby.

This. I don't celebrate the arrival of any baby til it's made it's way into the world safe and healthy, because sadly not every baby does.
I don't buy gifts for a baby til it's here so no I don't attend baby showers or buy cute little baby onesies for a pregnant friend.
Once that baby has arrived and mum and baby are both safe and well? Then I'm shopping

But the recipient will only receive the card if all goes well. Nobody will be giving her a cheery signed card from everyone if it doesn’t. So I really don’t see the issue in signing it now - it’s obviously not going to ‘jinx’ anything or cause bad luck.

Simple its the wrong card to send at this point.

No, the OP specifies on the thread that the colleague is being given the card before she goes on maternity leave. It’s not being held over and sent later, though I suppose the recipient might keep it till after her baby arrives.

Ok, so this actually happened to me, but I have to say my memory isn't the best from that time.
It definitely isnt a miscarriage if your at the congratulations card stage, I'm not minimising them at all, they're horrific and heartbreaking but I had a natural birth and a funeral after.

I remember we got a gift basket with some nappies, baby grows and some books from DH's work before we had our son. He was our third baby. I honestly don't remember if we had a card, but I know we had the gift before we had our son. I think there would have been a card with it, but can't say for sure. I've no idea where the gifts went either actually, dh must have quietly got rid of them.

I'm not much help here really, but if the worst was to happen, I don't think she'll remember getting a congratulations card before the birth. If they're sending it anyway I'd sign it, but you're right, it's ridiculous to send it before the babies born.
But I also don't think she'll care about it should the worst happen ❤

I’ve been in some awkward, similar situations before. I just won’t tempt fate like that. So no, I wouldn’t sign.

YABU. Yes, the wording on the card could be better. But if everyone else is signing it, why not just sign it? You're not being asked to organise it yourself. If something goes wrong with the pregnancy/birth it's not because of the card.

'everyone else is' is not a reason to sign something I am not comfortable with.
I don't know if everyone else is anyway. I have also emailed by best wishes to my colleagues.

Er, the family, the husband?

Such a stupid and unnecessary point to try and make. And considering it’s an ecard being emailed to her, nothing physically in her house it’s quite a stretch.

Yes I completely agree with you - YANBU.

Surely they would send the card once baby is born if an e card

As I've said upthread, she is being sent the card next week when she starts her leave.

Agree. For various reasons when my boss mentioned it, I asked him not to arrange a collection or a card until after the birth. My friends also knew how I felt and did nothing until after the birth. I was an elderly primip, with a medical history and a family history - I didn’t even decorate the nursery until after the birth. Call it ‘not wishing to tempt fate’.

I know. Just seems weird. Why doesn’t the leader /orgnaiser just wait till baby is born

I agree anything could happen best not to temp fate

I'm the same, I bought a card for someone going on mat leave and I didn't feel it was right to buy a new arrival card so I bought a card that was relevant to her going on leave. When someone questioned it, I pointed out that once baby arrived we could do a card for that too!

YANBU at all, I refused to have my pram, cot in my house until he was here safe, as I knew if it went wrong I didn’t have the bandwidth to see it. I wouldn’t say “I’m so glad they arrived safe” until there is a parent holding a baby somewhere eating a slice of toast.

I think I got a "good luck" card but not sure that felt quite right either. I'd probably just sign it and not think too much about it tbh, but I totally agree it's a weird choice as you're congratulating someone on something that hasn't actually occurred yet. Equally, an e card is a bit weird too, are they going to print it? Or is it like a moon pig one...? The nice thing is having all the cards up when you're out the office, if it's an actual e card, as in, go on your laptop to see it, then that's the weirdest thing as hopefully she won't be on her emails for at least 9 months

It's an e-card because we are an entirely remote international company.
I suppose the PA could have collected virtual signatures, printed them out, stuck them in a physical card and sent it to her in the post but it seems a lot of effort.

I've worked remotely in such teams for many years, e-cards (wedding, leaving, birth) are very common.

I wouldn't sign. A colleague a few years ago has a stillbirth at full term. I never discuss children in her presence (moved to another team so now rarely meet).