To not sign a Congratulations on your baby card BEFORE the birth

[BringBackCatsEyes]

Just been invited to sign a card for a colleague going on Mat leave next week.
It has congratulations on your new arrival on it. She’s not due for a couple of weeks still.
I said I was uneasy about signing it before the birth and would opt out if I was the only one who felt that way. Got a reply saying “I understand, thanks for letting me know”.
I have already sent my best wishes to the colleague, but wondered…would others feel like this?

It's not an ecard it's a physical card signed by her colleagues

The OP said it’s an ecard

It's actually so thoughtless anyway. Surely it should be messages wishing her well, encouraging her to put her feet up etc. Not congratulations on the baby when they aren't even here. Annoying and thoughtless.

I think the replies on here saying, "yeah totally fine, no problem with signing the card prior to the baby's arrival" are really weird tbh.

I wouldn't sign it either.

Yanbu!! I refuse point blank too. The only couple of times I did if the baby was still birth. I know totally refuse and explain why if questioned. Cards and presents after birth only.

It's not going to be a 'miscarriage' if she's just about to go on maternity leave, is it?

I don't understand why people are so casual about this stuff. All this sneering about 'superstition' or saying that the mum won't think twice about it if something happens is really cruel. If, god forbid, something did happen it would be horrible to have had a card like this.

She’s getting the card regardless though

I agree. Don't congratulate someone on something that hasn't happened yet.

The OP said: It's an e-card (we are an entirely remote international team).
The words inside are entirely appropriate for a baby that has been born.

I got one of these and don't remember what the words on the front of the card said, but do remember some of the lovely messages inside.

If the intention is that everyone signs it and then it's given to her once the baby is safely here, then fair enough, but I don't think it's wise to preempt that. Not through superstition, but if the worst were to happen it might be one more 'thing' that causes pain amongst lots of things that are awful signifiers of what has been lost. There are cards specific to wishing someone well as they start mat leave which would be a much more sensible choice.

Ageeed.

I’m sorry why would people think this? You surely don’t think everyone but you is stupid?

It’s not superstition, it’s experience. Not everyone who goes on mat leave brings a baby home. I’m really glad you don’t have that in the back of your mind. I wish I didn’t.

Have you asked why - especially if it's an e card!

At my place of work we have an office lunch where everyone brings in something to eat, to celebrate the mum-to-be going off on mat leave. But we don't send a card/flowers etc until we know the baby is safely here.

At my office my boss took the same view so we couldn’t send a card until everything was definitely fine but the admin team seemed unable to remember team members who were not physically present in the building. A friend of mine was given her ‘congratulations on your new baby’ card plus some baby clothes when she came back to work after mat leave. Sadly the clothes didn’t fit her 13 month old daughter.

I think in this case the card chosen is wrong, but it really does make sense to do something for the colleague before she leaves the office.

One of my very dear friends lost her baby one day before her due date. That was awful. I understand your reasons.

Bit odd to have chosen that e-card but I don’t think I would have emailed the organiser. I probably would just have written a message that applies to her still being pregnant ie nearly there!/best wishes for the safe arrival of your little one and an easy recovery for you etc.

I wouldn’t either.

Bizarre that they can’t just schedule a e-card till the due date.

And this is why organising gifts and cards for colleagues is such a stress, nuisance and minefield. Everyone has a view and nobody is volunteering to do it!

I had a neonatal loss and for that reason since then no I would never sign and send a card before baby has arrived safely and all is well. It is such an overwhelming upsetting time and although I would know that it was meant well by colleagues, seeing a congratulations on your baby card would be upsetting, the little things still do matter. On the other hand I was very appreciative to receive condolences cards.

They should obviously send the card after the baby is born, it’s weird to do it before. It’s like sending a congratulations on your wedding card weeks before the wedding takes place. I’d sign it but I’d tell them they should send it once the baby is here, not before.

Ok, so this actually happened to me, but I have to say my memory isn't the best from that time.
It definitely isnt a miscarriage if your at the congratulations card stage, I'm not minimising them at all, they're horrific and heartbreaking but I had a natural birth and a funeral after.

I remember we got a gift basket with some nappies, baby grows and some books from DH's work before we had our son. He was our third baby. I honestly don't remember if we had a card, but I know we had the gift before we had our son. I think there would have been a card with it, but can't say for sure. I've no idea where the gifts went either actually, dh must have quietly got rid of them.

I'm not much help here really, but if the worst was to happen, I don't think she'll remember getting a congratulations card before the birth. If they're sending it anyway I'd sign it, but you're right, it's ridiculous to send it before the babies born.
But I also don't think she'll care about it should the worst happen ❤

And what if the mother herself dies? It’s rare but it does happen, more often than it should.

Every collegue I've had that has gone on maternity leave has received their card on their last day, usually with some flowers or a cake. As pp said, usually the card says "you're leaving to have a baby". Personally I can't see the problem with this. It's an exciting time for the parents, and they usually enjoy it.

If the worst were to happen, I doubt an e card received a few weeks earlier would even cross their mind.