AIBU? My wife tells me to "anticipate things" and I have no idea what she means.

[otiose1001]

Husband here. My wife frequently tells me I need to "anticipate things" and act before she asks.

Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to be predicting.

What is the smallest, most specific thing your husband fails to anticipate that makes you furious?

Add something on the shopping list when stocks are getting low.
Diary MOT and car services to book appointments well before the due date.

TBF we don't as it seems the OP is not returning to clarify.

emptying bibs before over flowing, checking to see how many loo rolls are left ditto other household items etc rather than waiting to be asked to fetch them (since retiring he does most shopping) it’s the mundane mental load stuff

Anticipate that a (usually predictable) scenario is coming and you can take advance action to be ready for that scenario rather than reacting to it once it's there. In my household we call it proactive (me) vs reactive (DH) living. Being proactive (ie anticipating stuff) in everyday life is basically about reducing future stress, cost, and friction by acting before the need becomes urgent.

There's a time and a place for both tbh. Sometimes I'm overly proactive and create additional stress for myself.

Lots of good examples on here. I like @Bjorkdidit's example of growing children and pre buying the next size up clothes. Or buying antihistamines and sunscreen in advance as summer is an annual event. When are the next dentist appointments due? When do the passports expire? Etc

Take note of the renewal dates for house and car insurance, shop around in advance. Check your tyres before winter. Or oil levels before they're an issue. Stick the dates in a spreadsheet that you can both access and set a calendar reminder for next year.

Loads of things.

What food do we need as a household when ge goes shopping… LOOK IN THE CUPBOARD?

When the school holidays are…. LOOK ON THE SCHOOL
WEBSITE AND DIARISE THEM ALL INCLUDING INSET DAYS AT THE START OF THE YEAR!

The cleaner is coming tomorrow- TIDY UP TOAY INSTEAD OF RUNNING ROUND LIKE A BLUE ARSED FLY IN THE MORNING!

I booked us yet another family holiday for Easter, summer, at the start of this year - START SAVING NOW SO YOU HAVE SPENDING MONEY AND DONT RACK UP A MASSIVE CREDIT CARD BILL!

Just off the top of my head 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is this even a genuine question?

My DH often says , while I'm tidying the kitchen or washing up, "leave that, ill do it" ....and yet if I do leave it....he doesnt!
I know for a fact he won't have considered getting Easter eggs for DC yet...if it crosses his mind at all

Nothing. I didn’t choose to marry a man who pretends he can’t do domestic work.

The mental load of day to day life. What’s for dinner, does the washing need doing, have the children got uniform, do we need shopping….etc ad Infinitum…..

Wooowww.

No...he's meant to realise that a grown up should have an awareness of the many things pp have listed..planning ahead, noticing. He should know when childcare clubs need booking, swim classes arranged, when dc are growing out of clothes, need a haircut, a costume for school, the milk is low or off etc.

She’s got a point; you should have been able to anticipate you’d get your arse handed on a plate for posting your OP on here!

Thinking ahead. Loads of examples already but basically being a fully functioning adult who doesn't say "What's for dinner" or puts their plate on the counter over the dishwasher rather than in the dishwasher.

For me, I choose someone who has a similar idea about how one must live than I do. We share a cultural background and I think that helps.

I cant think of anything where he would leave it but I'd want it done. I don't expect him to read my mind but he anticipates enough for me not to feel overloaded.

But that's on you to choose a man who has been taught similar responsibilities at home. You cant choose a man who has been pampered by mummy all his life, never washed a dish, and expect him to become domesticated during the wedding ceremony.

And then likely dismissed all the insight on the basis of “nah my wife takes care of all that…she LIKES doing that stuff”

Exactly! I see why women here detest men so much. They married very, very badly.

Its been less than 3 hours since the thread was started in the wee hours of the morning.

We could give better advice with a bit more context. I immediately thought of packing a bag for a trip out- thinking through that you might need to take water, sun cream, a jumper, a waterproof, a colouring book etc etc, and can’t just wing it in the way you can pre-kids.

Use your eyes, OP!! 👀

“oh look, the dishwasher is finished/the milk is nearly gone/the bin is full/the laundry basket needs emptying etc etc”

Change toilet rolls proactively, think about cleaning the kitchen surface spontaneously, perhaps plan a meal, offer to take the kids to their hobby.

Mainly, relieve some of the invisible mental load in your wife’s head.

Duplicate post

The "normals" you all imagine here makes me feel really sorry for you.

She probably didn’t mean go online and ask a group of women to tell you what to do and do all you thinking for you. And men so often wonder why women see sex with them as a chore.

We're all different, but it would bug me if someone in my family:

1. chose what to cook without consulting me - I might have wanted to cook something very specific, or have two particular ingredients available to use together

1. washed the bedlinen and put the same set back on - variety is the spice of life

Also disagree with the idea in another post (though in that case it was the DH who imposed it) that toddlers should never be allowed to run in case they fall over. Toddlers need to fall over sometimes to learn their limitations.

I think in this situation I would ask for a list, or better still, do in to the conversation with my own suggested list (to show I'd given it some thought) but be prepared to discuss which of those things are or aren't needed. Like me in the example above - I'm kind of territorial about cooking so I wouldn't appreciate unexpected help in that area, but I'd love it if my adult DC (the main offenders in our house) remembered to put the recycling out more often, or to do a batch of washing up without being specifically asked.

Mines a fully functioning adult so rarely fails

i suggest you spend a week and write down everything you get asked to do and look at the pattern

my suspcion is it’s every day normal still like keeping the house clean and tidy ( because it prevents illnesses and accidents in case you think it’s a waste of time ) , and using the calendar to see what’s coming up for the family - hold has birthdays party so a gift and card and someone to take them are all standard - unless you don’t want your child to get invited ever again