AIBU to feel unable to take in partner’s nephew right now?

[Flossyrocks]

Little bit of back story - we’ve been together 3 years and I have 2 children from a previous relationship. I’m pregnant with our first baby and we are renovating a house which only has 2 bedrooms and are relying on planning permission being accepted. Which I know in itself is not the wisest decision. My DPs sister is probably going to lose custody of her DS(10) and my partner is the only one who can take him in without him going in to care. Of course I am not advocating for him to be put into care. And I want my DP to have a clear conscious so I have put no pressure on the situation. Just been there and supported him best I can. The nephew is a really difficult child through no fault of his own but this does effect my children. He can be really malicious amongst other things and causes a lot of stress. I really don’t feel like I can take him on. Especially being pregnant, with my 2 DCs and the bedroom situation in the new house. Am I a total bitch? I would never ever expect him to put his nephew into care, in my current state of mind I feel like we are going to have to separate. I know resentment is a killer and either way this would be an extremely difficult situation

There is no way you can positively say that.

OP knows the nephew and is far more likely to accurately assess the risks involved to her children, one of whom will be a newborn, than you.

Brilliant!
However I think MIL would have meals on a tray in the attic and not be allowed at the table 🤣
15 minutes in the bathroom is pushing it as well!

OP, I mean this very kindly.
Hold strong and firm.
From what you have written your own children are at huge risk of real trauma of their own.
Children need and thrive in stability and peace above all else.
Yours have had this volatile child on their sofa for weeks.
A new partner for you.
A pregnancy and a new sibling soon to grabble with.
Potentially moving house.
I'm no psychologist, but that strikes me as a huge amount of change for them.

You can only look after your own.
You really have a lot going on.
I'd be putting yourself and your future first.
Sad though this is, this child is not your responsibility, the two you have are.
I'd be worried about them.

OP

Regardless of whether you are for or against the child moving in, in all likehood social services are not going place him with you or your partner. You can find out yourself by contacting the social worker or childrens gaurdian. Nothing wrong with making that enquiry. It would allow your partner to know where he stands and perhaps have a say in future care planning.

I dont have the foggiest on wether you should marry the guy, move in or whatever. But, making decisions at a time of heightened emotions is never wise. Maybe best to detach yourself from the drama and just concentrate on a calm pregnancy. After the birth you will have a clearer picture.