AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

[Situationallystuck]

I usually sing when I'm happy. Little ditties and bits of tunes, sometimes a full on song. My voice isn't x-factor winning, but it isn't unpleasant. I was in a select choir when I was younger so I know I can carry a tune. I don't make a big deal about singing, and don't try and take centre stage with it at all, more like I'll sing along to a song on the radio or join in with singing at church etc.
Recently on holiday with my husband and teen children, my eldest said that they don't like it when I sing. I understood this to mean in public, which I get, teens don't want their mum attracting attention. I acknowledged this, but then it turned into a session where my husband said he thinks my voice is terrible and I should never sing. That it's horrible when I do. The teens nodded along. I was really hurt. But I figured maybe they got caught up in the situation, later I asked my husband if it was really that terrible when I sing and he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone.
So, today, I didn't sing at all. They all keep asking me if I'm alright because they can tell something is different, but I haven't said a word about the singing and neither have they.
I feel like either the biggest fool in the world for inflicting my singing on the people around me or an absolute arrogant sod for thinking my voice was not unpleasant. I don't want to be a fool or an arrogant sod, so I've decided not to sing again.
I reckon the first time they will properly notice is when my husband has his birthday next month.
I guess my question is, would I be unreasonable to never sing to/with them again, even though I know they will be sad or hurt that I'm not singing happy birthday? They would obviously prefer for me not to sing at any other time.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

How long ago/ how old were you when you were picked for the choir?

Join a choir ! Get the fun back in your singing

Does it sound childish? Her husband of 20 years has said she should only sing when alone. It is not passive aggressive to not sing happy birthday to him, it is only doing exactly what he’s said she should do.

his comment was horrible, the kids were mean and I wonder if he’s as nice as you say because it was really nasty of him. I would talk to him. But is there something he does you don’t like that you can now firmly say you should never ever have to see it again?

As usual the first comment nails it - criticising for someone for happily singing as they go about their day is like a personal attack. I voted YABU because I think you just need to say "singing is a big part of me, I thought those comments were cruel and I'm really hurt" and carry on being you.
In terms of whether your husband is being truthful, it is possible to have a voice that sounds lovely in a group with music but not so fabulous when solo acappella. I have a relative who sings as part of a famous choir and she does a great job in the choir but her voice isn't the best unaccompanied. Not terrible though, just not amazing. I probably wouldn't sit and listen to her but I also would never say anything negative to her about it. She loves music and she's a joy to be around, which I'm sure you are too. Carry on singing, tell your DH and DC to pull their heads in!

My mum sings all the time. She’s not got a great voice but it’s not awful either it’s just non stop. A song comes on an advert and she’s belting it out, she overhears a phrase in someone else’s conversation out in public and she’s singing the song it reminds her of.car journeys are painful as she sings non stop. She often gets the words wrong too. It makes her happy but it made my childhood miserable to the point I never sing out loud because I don’t want to inflict that on anyone else. It is so intrusive and so all pervasive and if we dare
to ask her to stop, for example because we’re trying to have a conversation with her, she gets extremely arsey with us.

my brother now too sings all the fucking time. It’s not happiness with him it’s that someone once told him he has a good voice and so now we all have to hear it so we can praise him.

Ironically another brother is a professional singer and he never sings randomly or because he’s happy despite it being the thing that makes him feel the happiest.

Yanbu to feel hurt and to never sing happy birthday to him as he asked you to only sing in private so a bit of malicious compliance won’t go amiss. Yabu to think having an ok voice at 9 entitles you to sing incessantly when your family are going about their business 30 odd years later

Unfortunately no, the first comment didn't nail it at all. Much more information needed, and the OP cannot provide it herself as she obviously thinks she's quite good - anybody ever heard of Florence Foster Jenkins? People can genuinely be very deluded about their own talents.

It depends very much on whether she bursts into song an insufferable amount and whether she is actually pleasant to listen to.

If she is a terrible singer or very intrusive with it and always bothering and attention seeking, they may have a point. It would be discourteous and intolerant of the OP to continue if this is the case.

She needs an independent assessment of her voice, not a long ago choir, and to be realistic with herself about how much she is doing this.

It is possible they are just being horrible to her - if so, that needs further investigation.

We can't help, because we cannot hear your voice and we cannot know how intrusive you are about singing.

If someone can carry a tune, no one's voice is bad. They just don't want to hear her singing and using a hurtful insult to make her stop.

Sorry but sounds annoying as fuck irrespective of how good your voice is

Singing or whistling all the time when others are around is obnoxious and controlling. They probably said your singing was crap hoping you’d stop. I’d warrant they’ve asked nicely before and you’ve ignored.

What's "unreasonable" is that you didn't speak up to say how hurtful that was, and they need to understand that you sing for your own enjoyment.

I grew up with a father who sang all the time. Your family are miserable shits OP, they should be pleased to hear you happy.

Controlling 🙄🙄🙄

You sound like a real joy.

I've noticed that many people have a kind of shame around singing - they're ashamed to sing themselves, or think it's cringe, and feel vicarious shame around anyone else who sings or shows that they enjoy singing. It\s as if they are thinking "singing should be left to the professionals". Even on school trips there are loads of kids who can't bring themselves to join in with the bus ride singalong. I feel sorry for them. It's really a sad situation that your family cringe when you sing your happiness, but that feels more like a them problem. What is wrong with people singing? Everybody should sing more! It's good for our mental health.

Yes, it's unlikely that it's come right out of the blue isn't it? I think they probably had to be blunt with her because she was not listening.

DH can objectively sing. It still drives me mad when he sings and hums all the time. #team family.

Obviously the family insulted OP to make her stop, but hth is the act of singing controlling? 🤷‍♀️

I don't care how well can someone can sing, I would find it irritating to have it in my home ALL the time. Sure, a little here and there but sometimes I just want to think in peace. Same goes for loud talking or someone watching a screen without headphones. I think it's a little rude for one member of the household to expect everyone else to listen to their noise, unless maybe if they are under 5 years old.

Everyone should make annoying noises as much as they like no matter how it makes others feel! That is precisely what you just wrote when you look at it realistically.

Nope. I sing around the house, I sing in the kitchen, when working, have been in an a capella group and actually have been told repeatedly I have a great signing voice. I taught my kids when they were young that we sing because it fills us with joy.

I still don't overdo it, I don't sing when people are watching shows, sing over shows loudly embellish other people's music, take over at parties, insist upon karaoke or any of the other attention seeking behaviour that I have seen displayed by amateur singers.

Three people in her family are irritated enough to call her out on it. This means she is being discourteous and intrusive. It's certainly not her right to do so at other people's expense.

The other option is they are bullying her for some reason.

The answer is not "I will do what I want, fuck my family as it pleases me!" I think we can safely say that's never, actually the answer.

Do they not listen to music? Or do they listen to music and not sing along?
No singing when your favourite song comes on the radio in the car?
No singing while cleaning?
No singing along to catchy ads on TV?
We're not good singers but we're happy and enthusiastic singers!
I suppose a good old boogie in the house isn't allowed either?!

There is a huge difference between “the constant singing gets really annoying, please stop/do it less” and “your voice is terrible, keep it to yourself”.

On the basis your H chose to say the latter, I wouldn’t bother singing happy birthday to him. He was unnecessarily hurtful and I’d feel beyond self conscious about it as a result so I wouldn’t say it was petty to actually do what he said.

This post made me feel really sad for you, OP. I would take the opportunity to sing when you’re driving your car and that sort of thing, and when your family are out of the house. And join another choir. Your husband is a fun sponge and I think your decision not to sing Happy Birthday to him is the right one.

I agree. I've never known children liking their mothers singing once they get past the little kid stage. I can remember hating my mother doing it, she had a habit of singing while washing up.

Just don't.

I dont sing much but my ds tells me im a terrible singer whenever i do sing along to a favourite song on the radio and tbh know I'm a terrible singer. But I really wish ds didn't spoil my fun and little moments of happiness. Little comments like that can be hurtful and really knock your confidence. Although thats not the intention.
Id still sing along at dhs birthday op.

I think the fact it's singing is kind of a red herring? You are doing something that irritates/annoys your entire family. It doesn't mean you have to stop singing altogether. It just means they don't always want to hear it. If it were the other way around, wouldn't you want your feelings to be considered?