AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

[Situationallystuck]

I usually sing when I'm happy. Little ditties and bits of tunes, sometimes a full on song. My voice isn't x-factor winning, but it isn't unpleasant. I was in a select choir when I was younger so I know I can carry a tune. I don't make a big deal about singing, and don't try and take centre stage with it at all, more like I'll sing along to a song on the radio or join in with singing at church etc.
Recently on holiday with my husband and teen children, my eldest said that they don't like it when I sing. I understood this to mean in public, which I get, teens don't want their mum attracting attention. I acknowledged this, but then it turned into a session where my husband said he thinks my voice is terrible and I should never sing. That it's horrible when I do. The teens nodded along. I was really hurt. But I figured maybe they got caught up in the situation, later I asked my husband if it was really that terrible when I sing and he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone.
So, today, I didn't sing at all. They all keep asking me if I'm alright because they can tell something is different, but I haven't said a word about the singing and neither have they.
I feel like either the biggest fool in the world for inflicting my singing on the people around me or an absolute arrogant sod for thinking my voice was not unpleasant. I don't want to be a fool or an arrogant sod, so I've decided not to sing again.
I reckon the first time they will properly notice is when my husband has his birthday next month.
I guess my question is, would I be unreasonable to never sing to/with them again, even though I know they will be sad or hurt that I'm not singing happy birthday? They would obviously prefer for me not to sing at any other time.

I think you're right - enjoy your singing when alone, and don't sing around those killjoys again.

They've made it clear they don't like it, so hearing their mum/wife in that sort of cheery mood is wasted on them.

"Passive aggressive"? I don't think so, you don't have to be meek about it. If they ask you to join in Happy Birthday, just say "Nah, fuck that, you can make fools of yourselves if you like."

Good or not, I find people singing all time very selfish. Singing is fun. I love singing. However, imposing the noise on others is not on. Just as people decide when they want to listen to music or the radio, they should be able to decide when they hear singing. That's why most people only sing in private.

It sounds that your family were being incredibly kind and tolerant but this was the opportunity to finally tell you that they don't enjoy hearing you sing.

The sound of someone singing little ditties or to the radio etc, is the sound of someone feeling happy. They’re relaxed and secure enough to express themselves. Life can be really tough and no one should ever be trying to dampen others spirits, especially not people who love you.

It sounds as though they’re jealous and bitter. They need to give themselves a shake and realise having a happy mum/wife is a blessing. They need to sort their own shit out and not pick on someone else.

I’ve had coworkers who thought it was reasonable to sing entire songs along with the radio all day long so honestly I have to go with YABU. A one off every now and then is fine, but constantly can get annoying. A road trip and everyone is singing? Fine. Constant singing? It would probably get on my nerves.

Saying that, I think you had a bit of a bullying session at home. Their opinion was finally “out” so they’ve all decided to pile on. I’d be hurt about that, but you need to communicate it.

Not singing a simple happy birthday is silly and petty.

Isn’t that exactly what your family would love? For you to stop singing around them?

We have a family member that sings. All the time and it is really annoying (and her voice is fine)

you would be exceptionally petty not to sing happy birthday

You would be unreasonable never to sing with them again because in relationships people say some hurtful things and you need to tell him how hurt you are.

He was unreasonable and rude to insult your singing so much. Even lovely singing I did annoying if it is disrupting my thoughts, which most of the time it will be. If he had said something along the lines of constant singing is annoying I would agree with him. But he didn’t, he insulted your voice and damaged your ego and he really didn’t need to if he just wanted you not to sing. That was hurtful and rude and he should apologise for it, as well as for getting your children to join in with the insults.

Its possible that they thought it was light hearted ribbing and don’t realise how hurtful it is.

Do people really talk and explain things like this to adults? It sounds like you’re talking to a 5 year old.

This
Read the room, they want peace and quiet

Me too! Was so surprised by the majority of comments saying otherwise!!
It would annoy the hell out of me if my DH made random songs about stuff and was constantly singing throughout the day. I couldn’t bare it - regardless of how good / bad their voice is.

OP if you enjoying singing why not join a choir again, maybe the more modern pub choirs etc ? A nice way to socialise and get your singing fix with likeminded people.

Nah, nothing "petty" about it - in fact that's a very petty accusation.

They've made it clear they don't want to hear her sing, so she really shouldn't have to humiliate herself by joining in, knowing she's only being humoured (with barely concealed rolled eyes) for the sake of that one inane song.

If you're singing enough that after one day they ask if you're ok, then no wonder they want you to give it a rest. That must be so annoying.

So you don’t think petty for the op to sit there with her mouth clamped whilst the family sing happy birthday for one of her children? On come on!!

It’s not whether your voice is good or bad it it’s just bloody annoying.

My dad does it he has a really good voice but it drives DH and our teens mad. We don’t say anything as it would hurt his feelings but fear if we lived with him all the time we might have to.

How big is your house, how repetitive is the singing (bits of songs over and over is very different to a whole song once through), and what proportion of the time are you doing it? My mother has a lovely voice and I enjoy signing with her but it’s like torture hearing her repeat the same bar of a song that she sings the same few notes of every day in a house that you can’t escape from other people’s noise in.

I also sing much of the time - only silently and in my head as I see how annoying it is when my dad does it out loud.

Not at all "petty", and she doesn't have to "sit there".

Her kids have explicitly told her they don't like it when she sings, and that she should never sing around them.

If anything, it would be a petty protest to ignore their wishes and join in.

"It’s not whether your voice is good or bad it it’s just bloody annoying."

It's this. Truly. Unless your voice is of an exceptional standard, no one wants to hear you sing on the regular...and even then, it would grate eventually.

Singing out of context can be quite jarring whether it's a nice voice or not. If you thought they liked it you're understandably upset to realise that they don't.

I'm a decent enough singer and get told to stop as well. It's fine...I get annoyed by stuff myself. I sing in the car.

Don't think you should sulk and refuse to sing ever ever again. Bit manipulative.
Just accept that they don't always want to hear your singing voice and behave normally.

I actually think your family have been quite forbearing. Mine would have cracked years ago and said something if I’d been warbling round the house.

Especially when that’s concluded with “that’s what I’m not singing so there! Have a great birthday…”

I think you’d be petty to not sing happy birthday. Not everyone enjoys listening to others randomly sing around the house. If someone is telling that you can’t sing it’s horrible and terrible and others are nodding along in agreement then I’d say you probably don’t have the voice you think you do. I wouldn’t let that stop me singing at home though if that’s what I enjoyed doing

My mum likes to sing and reckons she has a great voice. Yeah, it is deeply annoying and we do eye roll behind her back sometimes but wouldn't dare comment.

I think there can be a middle line - tone down the public singing, you've been told how irksome it is. That isn't the same as singing happy birthday or hymns in church etc - there is a time and a place.

Ok now THAT is cringe, fair enough 😂

Gosh this is so sad, and all the people saying you shouldn’t sing if you’re not good at it. WHAT? Go tell the birds.

sing because you feel joy. Sing because you feel pain. Sing because it’s spring. Sing because your heart needs it in a world of misery.

i live with my three teenagers and we all sing, none of us have any talent, or desire to show off, but we sing because we’re free to, it’s as instinctive as breathing, I’ve never given it a second thought.

my mum was told as a child that she couldn’t sing, and now at nearly 80 she’s spent her life not enjoying music like she’d like to, being too uncomfortable and shy to sing at birthday parties. What a fucking tragic waste of joy.