AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

[Situationallystuck]

I usually sing when I'm happy. Little ditties and bits of tunes, sometimes a full on song. My voice isn't x-factor winning, but it isn't unpleasant. I was in a select choir when I was younger so I know I can carry a tune. I don't make a big deal about singing, and don't try and take centre stage with it at all, more like I'll sing along to a song on the radio or join in with singing at church etc.
Recently on holiday with my husband and teen children, my eldest said that they don't like it when I sing. I understood this to mean in public, which I get, teens don't want their mum attracting attention. I acknowledged this, but then it turned into a session where my husband said he thinks my voice is terrible and I should never sing. That it's horrible when I do. The teens nodded along. I was really hurt. But I figured maybe they got caught up in the situation, later I asked my husband if it was really that terrible when I sing and he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone.
So, today, I didn't sing at all. They all keep asking me if I'm alright because they can tell something is different, but I haven't said a word about the singing and neither have they.
I feel like either the biggest fool in the world for inflicting my singing on the people around me or an absolute arrogant sod for thinking my voice was not unpleasant. I don't want to be a fool or an arrogant sod, so I've decided not to sing again.
I reckon the first time they will properly notice is when my husband has his birthday next month.
I guess my question is, would I be unreasonable to never sing to/with them again, even though I know they will be sad or hurt that I'm not singing happy birthday? They would obviously prefer for me not to sing at any other time.

I find this so sad OP. Nobody in my nuclear family is a very good singer but we all love hearing each other sing because it means we’re happy. (Plus it sounds like you actually are a decent singer anyway). Your husband sounds like he was being really horrible, I can’t understand why.
maybe join a choir? Then you can enjoy your singing with people who appreciate you.

I also love singing. At work I often sing while moving round the building, at home while cooking/moving round the house. I certainly don't sing while people are working (like in the office/library) or when we're watching TV or start belting out show tunes in public places, but singing is part of who I am. I've joined a choir in the last few years which I attend once a week.

As a young woman I was told repeatedly to shut up/stop talking and for years I stopped singing/chatting, or became very anxious about social interactions because it seemed I was too much for others. But now I've become more confident in myself and have as much right as others to be myself.

I don't want to listen to my kids go on about Minecraft/Roblox/Pokemon all the time but I certainly don't rudely tell them never to talk to me about it again. Teens sometimes need pointing out that they're not the centre of the universe and that relationships are give and take, but you're husband shouldn't need to be told that what he said to you was unkind.

I see Ms Von Trapp never returned 🙄

Well it's hurtful and embarrassing to realise that you've been annoying people...more so when you had no intention to.

The OP is probably feeling a bit shit about it all, especially as people here have been so frank about their own experiences with those who like to sing. I'm glad there are other 'singers' on the thread to provide balance.

Oh my god !
like thats a fair comparison! What planet are you on !!
Huw Edwards ! For heavens sake .
So the OP singing annoys her family sometimes. It’s not a crime !!!!

In fairness, I can see why.

It's not meant to be a comparison and have not said singing is a crime, however annoying it is when unwelcome. I'm sure you must realise that really, so you can spare us the faux outrage.

What I am saying, if it needs explaining, is that just "being yourself" is not a good argument for continuing behaviour that you are aware is annoying, distressing or upsetting the people in your orbit who you are supposed to care about.

Human beings are naturally selfish and need we to adapt our behaviours (whether minor or criminal or anything in between) to live harmoniously with the people around us.

If we genuinely believe that "being ourselves" trumps consideration for others we are likely to find ourselves alone or in constant conflict with family, friends and colleagues.

Gosh you are miserable. Anyone can sing be they good or not and the family can simply walk away should they not want to hear it or use headphones. I hope she ups her singing now.

How does your family deem it fit to express joy? Its all a bit taliban

Forcing other people around you to hear you incessantly singing is all a bit dictatorial.

I do not know any child or husband who likes to hear their mum or wife warbling. I've heard lots of women say their kids, once past a certain age, cringe if they sing. I used to cringe at my mum singing when she was washing up, she would be offended by me saying anything.

Exceptions are if mother is a professional singer, especially if she is well known. Then it is normal.

Even then I bet their teens are 🙄

I used to love my mum singing along with the radio while driving the car.

Made dull journeys seem like a treat.

I hate to say it but a lot of people are very delusional about how well they sing. Sometimes they can hold a tune but the things they sing are painful to listen to on repeat. I don’t think your family would say this to you if it didn’t actually bother them. It’s hard enough with kids who make perpetual noises let alone an adult.

You have a communication problem not a singing problem.

teens fair enough probably find it embarrassing

given after one day they ask if you are OK suggests that either you sing more than you realise or your mood is outwardly being affected.

as for hubby thats extremely petty to retaliate by not singing for his or anyones birthday. Are you sure you don’t need to be centre of attention cos this behaviour signals just that. Singing happy birthday is about the birthday person not the person singing

I would just carry on. If my teenagers said my singing was bad or embarrassing I wouldn’t make too much of it because they are wired to be embarrassed by us. I’d probably do it more just to annoy them. But your OH was particularly cruel and that would really bother me. I sing in Rock Choir and my husband slags me off sometimes in a lighthearted way but he’d never be so hurtful as to say my singing was terrible even if it was! Are you sure this isn’t a deeper issue in your relationship? Some people enjoy being negative, contrary and sucking the joy out of things. He might not really think you are terrible, but has some weird resentment of the happiness it brings you.
Maybe you should join Rock Choir or find some other outlet for your singing. In RC it doesn’t really matter if you aren’t a great singer. I’m feeling really bad for you OP- they are all rotten gits.

I understand totally why you feel upset. I think your family are being mean. My mum hasn't a note in her head and we all love her singing. And at 92 she still sings away and we join in with the tuneless wonder. This is part of your personality so their loss. Sing your heart out when they are not around. If I were you I would look to join a choir, take some time for yourself to do something you enjoy.

This is fucking horrible
We are allowed to be happy and to take up space. My singing is awful ..if people dont kike it they can put headphones on or go somewhere else

sing! it keeps you happy, they do not control you!

I know ! What kind of fucking idiot compares someone who spontaneously sings to a bloody paedophile!

I practice plenty between rehearsals but I usually do it when no one else is around.

Some people sing for the pleasure of others. Some to bring joy to themselves. I fall in the latter category and often get ribbed for it by my family (but surely everyone sings along to the Christmas songs that play in supermarkets at a certain time of year??)
If you love to sing, keep doing it - avoid singing during public events IE a graduation or an awards ceremony, but with your family just enjoy your song. I am 100% certain that they may have actions or quirks you could do without too, accepting someone with all that makes them unique is a part of love.

My kids hate it when I sing. I don’t have a good voice. Occasionally I just laugh it off and sing anyway. They’re my loved ones, so I don’t get all petty or take it to heart.

Please don’t stop singing. Singing is something magical our bodies allow us to do as long as there is capacity in our bodies to do so. Doesn’t matter what it sounds like. I love to sing…I may very well sound terrible, but I’ll tell you this: last year I had laryngitis and could barely speak a word for months. It sent me into a sadness similar to that which I experienced when I had several teeth removed and could only eat soft foods for months. There is a depression that descends upon us when particular senses are deprived. Our senses are not designed to be dampened. We ache and yearn for the wholesome fulfilment that comes with using them. Please sing…keep singing…for every one or us with laryngitis, for every newborn that arcs their hearing toward the sound of their mother, for every Julie Andrews among us that romanced the hills but whose physiology relegates such things to memory, for every grown up kid who would give every limb to hear their late loved one caterwauling with gusto, for all the plants “they” say thrive on such vocalisation, for all those aching for lost lovers, parents, children…please sing…the world is a better and more beautiful place for voices lifted up in joy and life and sheer appreciation for the fact that we have the ability. Fuck ‘em…and sing your bloody heart out…I’ll join you! X

I'd stop singing. Probably not the best solution, but it's what I did, after being told I didn't have a beautiful voice. Until then, I was convinced I could sing well, and would sing around the house. I haven't sung in public since ... not even when it meant I got punished in school, with the day, for not singing in assembly. I sang at night, to my babies, when they were babies, but never since. It's a horrible feeling.