AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

[Situationallystuck]

I usually sing when I'm happy. Little ditties and bits of tunes, sometimes a full on song. My voice isn't x-factor winning, but it isn't unpleasant. I was in a select choir when I was younger so I know I can carry a tune. I don't make a big deal about singing, and don't try and take centre stage with it at all, more like I'll sing along to a song on the radio or join in with singing at church etc.
Recently on holiday with my husband and teen children, my eldest said that they don't like it when I sing. I understood this to mean in public, which I get, teens don't want their mum attracting attention. I acknowledged this, but then it turned into a session where my husband said he thinks my voice is terrible and I should never sing. That it's horrible when I do. The teens nodded along. I was really hurt. But I figured maybe they got caught up in the situation, later I asked my husband if it was really that terrible when I sing and he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone.
So, today, I didn't sing at all. They all keep asking me if I'm alright because they can tell something is different, but I haven't said a word about the singing and neither have they.
I feel like either the biggest fool in the world for inflicting my singing on the people around me or an absolute arrogant sod for thinking my voice was not unpleasant. I don't want to be a fool or an arrogant sod, so I've decided not to sing again.
I reckon the first time they will properly notice is when my husband has his birthday next month.
I guess my question is, would I be unreasonable to never sing to/with them again, even though I know they will be sad or hurt that I'm not singing happy birthday? They would obviously prefer for me not to sing at any other time.

She is certainly not backwards at coming forwards 😅Mostly, it's harmless enough, but I'd have died of embarrassment if she was my mum (or dad to be fair) and could not have easily lived with her.

She doesn't embarrass easily, let's put it like that 😄

You know voices can change as you age, right?

It sounds like they'd had enough, especially if you sing in public when you're not getting paid for it.

Maybe join a local singing group or choir.

On the positive side, it sounds like they have actually been quite tolerant and respectful for a very long time about this issue. On the less positive side, that longstanding tolerance has worn thin and caused it to bubble to the surface in a rather harsh manner.

Obviously you should respect that it is very irritating/upsetting for them to hear constantly and not sing idly in front of them anymore. In private, have at it. If you have actually been doing it in public… well, in addition to being embarrassing many bystanders will think you are unwell or unhinged so that is worth considering. However singing happy birthday and Christmas carols and whatever are fair game and you should continue to do that. Joining another choir or going out for karaoke with friends would be great outlets too.

I think once emotions have subsided it would be fair to have a talk with them. Explain that you’ve heard them about the singing and will hang it up while around them, but that the way they raised it really hurt your feelings. That way you can apologise to each other for being inconsiderate on both sides and hopefully smooth it all over going forward.

If you sing at all times, that’s really annoying. Can you not see that? Even little ditties…. You might have the best voice in the world but someone constantly chiming in with little tunes is so irritating.

Fuck’em OP. I have a shit voice but like you can carry a tune- I love singing and no one can stop me. You carry on doing what makes you happy.

This is absolutely the right way to deal with this op. Tell your family how this has made you feel. Their comments have taken away your joy in something. Maybe your singing is a a bit irritating to them but there are ways of saying things and living together means compromise. You should be able to sing sometimes and they can sometimes ask you to stop if it is really bothering them but saying you have a terrible voice is just unpleasant.

I sing in a choir although my voice really not great in terms of tone. I dont sing loads around the house though I do sometimes, especially when practicing before a performance and DS does complain but DH says my voice has improved over the years and never complains. He has a nice singing voice naturally though

I dont let DS put me off, although he never says I sound terrible just asks me to.atop politely, which I always do and in fact I try to practice outside of the house, sitting in the car nowadays so as not to disturb him if he is home when I need to practice.

I would however be incredibly hurt if DH and DS together told me I sounded terrible and to never sing in their presence again. Singing is one of the very few things in life that brings me real joy and I'd be really upset to have to give it up or to not be able to do it in my own home ever again.

As a singing teacher, I have taught many an adult with perfectly adequate voices who have been told they can’t sing etc. and it has stuck with them for life. This is so unfair of your family - if you want to sing, sing!

Why dont you join a choir. Seriously. You'll be with others who like singing. And just forget about the singing at home. They probably found it annoying.

Definitely join a choir, then you'll know for sure. Sing when alone. Sing while doing the jobs you dislike - if they don't like it, they can do those jobs!

It doesn't matter how good your voice is, singing randomly throughout the day is annoying to most people. My mum did this all the time when I was a kid. It was good that she was happy but it was still like nails on chalkboard when I just wanted to listen to the music she was singing to or hear my own thoughts in silence.

I think all of the ‘you have a right to sing’ responses ignore that fact that other family members have a ‘right’ to peace in their home. You are telling her to get on and sing with no idea how much she does it. They might have been driven mad for years by relentless warbling.

I don’t want to sound mean but it can be annoying, I had an ex who would rap in public I found it so cringe

Honestly some of the comments on here are downright nasty. If singing makes you happy then bloody well do it, your ‘d’ H can leave the room if he doesn’t like it. Your DC are probably just being teens.

My partner has made comments when I sing. It hurts but I totally ignore him. I don’t sing as much as I used to but I sing all the time with my grandchildren. Singing is a huge release OP.

Nope I would someone singing all the time annoying. Fine if you sing in the shower but throughout the day yep I’d be rolling my eyes. It’s not so much your quality of voice, but the noise. It’s intrusive.

This is very much a reply to isthisit2025. I have no idea how much you sing OP.

A question for isthisit2025.. what would your take be if someone loved crafting that included hammering. Would it be reasonable for them to regularly just start up in a shared space all the time? Should their DH have to leave the room all the time? In my opinion, one persons enjoyment of something does not make it something that everyone else has to put up with.

I come from a singing household, so don’t even realise when doing it, same with my siblings/parents. we are all likely awful but just feels good to have a sing! Husband is not, so I can imagine it drives him a bit bonkers, especially around our whole family. Luckily he has a lot of annoying habits too, so I’d be bringing those up if he ever mentioned it

@Bobbie12345678 I get what you’re saying but comparing hammering to singing is not the best comparison. Singing is proven to be highly therapeutic, and quite frankly if you knew your loved one found this so enjoyable you’d not be making nasty comments.

My amount of singing is minuscule these days but I still get rolling of the eyes. I’m sorry, these things are (can be) put downs.

How often do you sing OP? If you’re evening singing in public, it does suggest that you sing a lot and it’s more likely that they are fed up of it rather than hating your voice.

And don’t be petty by not singing happy birthday - what sort of message is that sending to your children? You’ll be showing them they can never raise any concerns with you without you being passive aggressive and stroppy.

I used to hate my family singing round me and they have decent voices but it used to cringe me right out.
We were always a generally close family and I get on with them but even now if they start singing (2 are in a choir) I can go and watch them happily at a performance but at each others houses I have to leave the room.

To be fair though I could never even stay through the singing sections at my children’s tots groups.

I'm an appalling singer but in this case I'd be adding some terrible dancing in too.

Maybe hammering isn’t a good example. But it was the best I could come up with. For some people crafting it is highly therapeutic. Anything that one person enjoys but someone else finds irritating could be substituted.

I haven’t tried to make nasty comments. I have just tried to say that maybe everyone telling her to just sing should think about the other side. He should absolutely be kind and it sounds like he wasn’t. But he is maybe allowed to say something.

I am sorry if you get put down for occasional singing. I agree that is unpleasant of those around you.

Never stop singing! it is too good for the soul to be told by anyone to stop.

You've decided something quickly in a moment of hurt. but I really hope you reconsider. Tomorrow why not tell them how this made you feel and that actually you will continue to sing. It is not a choice to sing, it is simply something within you 🙂

I think you've had a lot of very mean replies here, op, with many people projecting their own experiences and ignoring aspects of your post where you make it clear you only sing at appropriate times and not in an attention-seeking manner.

Please ignore all those you have assumed that just because your husband has been cruel to you, it must mean you're attention seeking.

I don't think you're unreasonable to not want to sing around them again but next time they ask you should tell them.

All this talk of an "independent assessment" is rubbish, you don't have to sing perfectly to sing in private!

Yeah 100% this.

OP, my partner plays an instrument, he actually plays it really well, but after about an hour (half an hour?!) of listening to it I get irritated. I try not to be an arsehole about it, but I have explained to him that although it does sound lovely and melodic and stuff but still it can get irritating after a while. It’s a house, not a music school or a choir in your case. Both sides need to be mindful and conscious, I can’t stop him from his hobby but he also can’t force me to have to hear it every day. I think there’s a balance and maybe that’s what went wrong with your singing?

Going around the house singing randomly on a daily basis would drive me nuts. That's really annoying AND arrogant to think people want to hear it.

Your voice is probably not terrible at all. You do sound very dramatic to be this hurt at being told to stop singing all the time.