AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

[Situationallystuck]

I usually sing when I'm happy. Little ditties and bits of tunes, sometimes a full on song. My voice isn't x-factor winning, but it isn't unpleasant. I was in a select choir when I was younger so I know I can carry a tune. I don't make a big deal about singing, and don't try and take centre stage with it at all, more like I'll sing along to a song on the radio or join in with singing at church etc.
Recently on holiday with my husband and teen children, my eldest said that they don't like it when I sing. I understood this to mean in public, which I get, teens don't want their mum attracting attention. I acknowledged this, but then it turned into a session where my husband said he thinks my voice is terrible and I should never sing. That it's horrible when I do. The teens nodded along. I was really hurt. But I figured maybe they got caught up in the situation, later I asked my husband if it was really that terrible when I sing and he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone.
So, today, I didn't sing at all. They all keep asking me if I'm alright because they can tell something is different, but I haven't said a word about the singing and neither have they.
I feel like either the biggest fool in the world for inflicting my singing on the people around me or an absolute arrogant sod for thinking my voice was not unpleasant. I don't want to be a fool or an arrogant sod, so I've decided not to sing again.
I reckon the first time they will properly notice is when my husband has his birthday next month.
I guess my question is, would I be unreasonable to never sing to/with them again, even though I know they will be sad or hurt that I'm not singing happy birthday? They would obviously prefer for me not to sing at any other time.

I used to sing in a choir. The choir leader used to say that it was common that women got into singing after getting divorced or being widowed, and they would say they hadn't sung much because their husbands had told them they were terrible singers. But they weren't terrible singers, they were okay or even good singers.

Why do men tell their wives they are terrible singers when they aren't? Who knows.

I love hearing my son singing to himself around the house. It tells me he's happy and relaxed.

I think it would serve them right if they never heard you sing again.

Or find a choir that suits you and enjoy singing.

You're being a bit childish. Surely you can see that it's quite irritating having someone singing around the house? It would drive me potty. But to throw your toys out and refuse to sing ever again is pathetic. You're also setting yourself up for a fall - they might be quite pleased!

My husband whistles when he’s happy. I find it painfully irritating. We should all be considerate in shared spaces. And you should of course sing happy birthday

I don't know if this would make you feel better or worse op, I'm self-learning a musical instrument at the moment, and I'm somewhere between grade 1 and 2 in ability. I pick it up whenever I have a spare moment at home. All my family have said they love the "toot toot tooting" and ask for Scarborough fair and god save the king etc even though objectively I definitely, definitely sound awful, no maybe about that. The point is that they like it when Mummy is happy.

So don't worry about sounding objectively horrid. Subconsciously your kids will just hear it as "Mummy is happy".

Your dh on the other hand can jog on.

I would never sing in front of them again, sod them. When you are dead and gone they can reflect on their nastiness.

Your voice is probably fine, but that doesn’t mean other people want to listen to it on a regular basis.

it isn’t about how good the voice is, it’s about appropriate times to sing when other people are around.

Ah op I’d be really hurt by that. I can’t imagine saying something like that to any of my family.

Is it a realistic option for you to join a choir because it sounds like this might be a very important outlet that you need?

They are all being cruel. Join a choir and sing away without them listening

I think our voices often sound different to others than they do to ourselves. I fully admit that I couldn’t carry a tune in a wheelbarrow so only ever sing when I’m alone and I don’t feel that I or the world miss out on anything and I find it a bit cringey when others sing out loud, probably due to my own shyness due to lack of talent!

It sounds as though you might have been annoying your family without realising it. Are you a bit of an over singer following your time in the choir perhaps? It is hurtful to hear regardless. I often feel quite embarrassed when someone close points out something personal in that way so I understand that you might be smarting a bit. But chances are they have all been thinking it for a while and just didn’t want to tell you so I’d take them at their word in that they don’t like to hear you.

Does it make you happy to sing as in will your life feel duller for not breaking into song around the family anymore or do you feel as if it’s a sacrifice you can make?

That's awful. Just, why...why are so many men so vindictive and cruel to their wives. Just stamping out any little spark of happiness they might have. Ugh.

YANBU for being hurt and feeing this way but don’t stop singing!! I love singing (can carry a tune but no superstar) and sing all the time. My daughter finds it embarrassing when I do it in public (without even thinking about it) - but definitely don’t stop singing at home!!! And join a choir that welcomes everyone!

It is very for you hurtful to hear this, OP, but I have to say that I find random singing around the house to be extremely annoying, and I can easily imagine that an excellent singer would be extra annoying! - more annoying than a child, for instance.

So, I sympathise with you for the hurtfulness, but also with your family. It sounds like they are annoyed to have quite an intrusive noise forced on them. I don't think it has to do with the quality of your voice.

I think once you have recovered from the pain of just hearing this from your husband, you should find it in your heart to join in with family singing that everyone is doing.

I was a decent singer when I was younger, had lead roles in am dram musicals etc but I’m not a good singer now. Lost it in my 40s and though I’ll sing along at concerts/to loud radio in the car, I know it’s gone off and wouldn’t sing around others daily. the last time I tried karaoke I realised I just couldn’t get the notes like I used to and my voice was weaker. I’d still happy birthday and wouldn’t have a rule about never singing, but I wouldn’t believe i still had it because of a choir in my youth. I think your DH was mean to put it so forcefully and shouldn’t upset you like that, but I think there’s a middle ground where you can enjoy singing but not be doing it a lot around people who don’t enjoy it. It sounds like he should apologise for being so harsh and you could adjust your perspective to some extent without going full on huff about it.

This is a tricky one. I can see how it would be very hurtful to hear this, particularly if it’s an expression of your joy. And I understand the impulse to sing as I’ve always got one song or another stuck in my head and will often hum or sing when I’m on my own in the house or in the car.

However, I find it really intrusive and distracting when other people wander around singing or otherwise idly vocalising. I can’t explain it except that it feels like someone else imposing their mental soundtrack on me, and it also just makes me incredibly embarrassed and uncomfortable for some reason. It’s nothing to do with whether the person has a nice voice or not.

Also, if I’m in the car listening to the radio, I want to hear the music itself, not my driving companion singing over the top of it. And in an enclosed space with someone else singing I can feel quite trapped and irritated.

I wonder if it’s this, rather than your voice that’s the issue - and they haven’t said anything because they can tell singing is an expression of happiness and they don’t want to squelch that. But at the same time they have been finding it irritating and stressful.

I think you are fine tk sing Happy Birthday to your husband, and to sing at church - just maybe fewer Broadway show tunes as you’re pottering around the kitchen.

I'd have to sing more after their comments. You're not doing any harm, carry on!

Sing loud, sing proud 🎶😎👍

Yes, this too. I love hearing the sound of people practising their instruments even though they're beginners and there's more stopping than playing!

You just need to pack it in now. Now and again fine but it sounds like you’re constantly in song - that would drive me insane.

also you assumed your kids meant singing in public … so you do this isn public too?? It’s attention seeking and embarrassing op

Of course there are moments when singing is distracting or inappropriate. Say if your dc is concentrating on some studying. But the correct thing to say is "Your singing is distracting me, please stop", not "your singing voice is bad" because it wouldn't matter if you're Adele in that situation, any singing would be distracting.

Your dc might not understand this distinction but your dh bloody well ought to

Is it maybe the volume that the problem? He said it sounds like shouting, and the teens agreed so you’re actually being quite loud? As opposed to just happily singing along to the radio or humming a tune. Even with a great a singer, it would become very grating over time to hear them really singing loudly most of the day, every day.

Esoecially in public. If the teens had to actually tell you they didn’t like it and you assumed they meant in public then that implies that you’ve been out and about with them and randomly bursting (loudly) into son. That’s not great…

And good singers can lose their tune as they get older, and a child’s voice is very different from being a good singer as an adult. Maybe you don’t have the tone you think you do, and you’re just being a bit too loud with it.

Nothing wrong with quietly singing along to a song, just don’t make a performance out of it.

This post has made me so sad - my Mum
always sang when she was happy, she had a lovely voice. She passed away 4 years ago and I’d give anything to hear her singing away as she pottered about. I know it sounds morbid but I’d love to tell your family, please appreciate your happy singing Mum while you have her 🥺

That’s really not how cohabiting with other people works. You need to actually listen to how your behaviour negatively impacts on others and make adjustments.

My DH sometimes whistles along when I’m listening to music. While it’s quite sweet really and I’m glad he likes the tune, it can also be quite annoying, especially if it’s classical or opera. Could it be that your singing along is spoiling their enjoyment of the music?

I voted YABU because you should not allow them to silence you, and I think if you stop yourself singing when you would normally sing automatically the only person you will hurt will be yourself.

When my DS was a teen he constantly told me to stop singing. I told him he had no right to say that and I would carry on singing, but the problem is once someone's told you to stop singing it sucks all the joy out of it, meaning you end up having to force it just to make your point. I eventually told him the next time he told me to shut up he could find somewhere else to live, and made it clear I meant it. I was not prepared to be silenced in my own home, plus it was triggering for me as my DF told me when I was a teen to " stop making that awful racket - you've got a horrible voice". Friends and other family members have all said I have a nice voice - like you I'm not gonna win prizes but it was pleasant enough pre menopause.

I couldn't stand my parents perfectly acceptable singing voices as a teen myself but would never have said so for fear of the consequences. I would speak to your DS re not making nasty comments, the virtues of learning to bite your tongue around authority figures, and the possible consequences of not doing so.

My DH always supported me with this, unlike yours. Also my DH has no sense of rhythm when he sings, and my DS sings in one key whilst strumming his guitar in another - and doesn't notice! I've never told either of them to shut up. Your DH is being a disrespectful arsehole, especially getting the kids to join in, and it's obvious where your DS gets it from. You need to be having a serious word with your DH about modelling a lack of respect for their DM to the kids. You stopping singing is just doing what they want- they probably won't even notice, much less care.

But are you singing alll the time? Like a Disney princess that they mock in Enchanted or are you quietly singing to yourself as you go about your day?