Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

411 replies

Situationallystuck · 01/04/2026 23:13

I usually sing when I'm happy. Little ditties and bits of tunes, sometimes a full on song. My voice isn't x-factor winning, but it isn't unpleasant. I was in a select choir when I was younger so I know I can carry a tune. I don't make a big deal about singing, and don't try and take centre stage with it at all, more like I'll sing along to a song on the radio or join in with singing at church etc.
Recently on holiday with my husband and teen children, my eldest said that they don't like it when I sing. I understood this to mean in public, which I get, teens don't want their mum attracting attention. I acknowledged this, but then it turned into a session where my husband said he thinks my voice is terrible and I should never sing. That it's horrible when I do. The teens nodded along. I was really hurt. But I figured maybe they got caught up in the situation, later I asked my husband if it was really that terrible when I sing and he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone.
So, today, I didn't sing at all. They all keep asking me if I'm alright because they can tell something is different, but I haven't said a word about the singing and neither have they.
I feel like either the biggest fool in the world for inflicting my singing on the people around me or an absolute arrogant sod for thinking my voice was not unpleasant. I don't want to be a fool or an arrogant sod, so I've decided not to sing again.
I reckon the first time they will properly notice is when my husband has his birthday next month.
I guess my question is, would I be unreasonable to never sing to/with them again, even though I know they will be sad or hurt that I'm not singing happy birthday? They would obviously prefer for me not to sing at any other time.

OP posts:
Dollymylove · 02/04/2026 00:01

Perhaps your singing isnt quite as good as you think it is. I once recorded myself singing, it sounded quite harmonious to me but when I played it back I realised sounds like an asthmatic rottweiler 😅😅

Astra53 · 02/04/2026 00:01

I went away with my friend for a weekend. I then discovered she sang at full volume in the shower every morning. Her voice was not bad but it was very invasive, not only for me but for other hotel residents. It was truly awful.

If you love to sing, then maybe find a choir and put your talent to good use with like minded people.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/04/2026 00:02

Your family have been shitty.
If you hold grudges then don't sing Happy Birthday and if asked, tell them why. I wouldn't fault you for that.
If you have a different sort of personality get up before everyone, putter in the kitchen singing Oh, What A Beautiful Morning! and go from there with show tune after show tune. 😊

Happyjoe · 02/04/2026 00:04

I think it's a crying shame. I wouldn't care if you sang like a bag of cats (not saying you do), to see your loved one happy and singing along to the radio or whatever is lovely. Am really sorry they've ruined this and hurt you, it's unkind.

Someone told my partner years back he couldn't carry a tune and I have never heard him sing. He's quite paranoid about it actually, not even a hum along. I would love to hear him sing, esp as his most loved thing in life is music.

bowlinginthesun · 02/04/2026 00:04

Sing if it makes you happy. Your family have been cruel.

BMW6 · 02/04/2026 00:08

It all sounds rather performative.......and annoying if you do it all the bloody time!

How would YOU feel if someone constantly made jokes all the time? Or hummed incessantly?

LeftieRightsHoarder · 02/04/2026 00:09

JumpinJehoshaphat · 01/04/2026 23:24

If your own family hate you singing, I think you need to listen. It’s probably really annoying. I’d stick to singing when you’re alone.

Bad advice, both for OP and for her family. OP should go on enjoying the harmless, healthy pleasure of singing. The children and husband need to learn some courtesy and tolerance.

OP, why not join another choir if you can afford the time and cost? There’s even a national network of Tuneless Choirs if your voice really has deteriorated! or even if it hasn’t: the Tuneless Choir is about just singing for fun.

Bobbie12345678 · 02/04/2026 00:11

My daughter has a good voice. Sometimes I love listening to it. She does tend to sing more than I like as I find it quite distracting if I’m trying to do something else and sometimes quite rude as she sings when other people are trying to have a conversation. I also sometimes just want to listen to the actual artist if a song is on the radio rather than my daughter‘s version of it. I have certainly asked her to stop several times. I hope I was kinder than your husband and kids

Even if you do have a good voice, is it possible that you are just indulging it for too much for other people‘s comfort?

lifeisgoodrightnow · 02/04/2026 00:13

Depends if you’re humming or belting out loud noises. A mate of mine belts out one liners in the middle of conversation they’re nothing to do with the conversation and are very attention seeking. It’s annoying.

Wellretired · 02/04/2026 00:14

I think thete are a few things going on here. There's your hurt, especially as if you really don't sound good why did DH take so long to tell you? The what exactly do your family hate about uou singing? How should upu respond and behavdvjn future in light of this? And the loss of something you enjoy. With the last one, its easy - singing on your own/in the shower, and join a local choir - yhere are loads, from no audition community choir to highly competitive major choirs. Take your pick, enjoy yourself, and as a side effect get a fair idea of how good your voice is. With the other questions, I fo think you should go back and ask; why not tell me before, explain how hurt you are, clarify with the teens if you can. Then decide the way forward.

malware · 02/04/2026 00:14

My husband was appalling but enthusiastic singer. But then he joined a choir at work and they told him that he'd been singing in the wrong key all the time and that actually did improve things quite considerably.

So I would say: don't stop singing, just learn to do it better!

RedRec · 02/04/2026 00:15

I would be like you and pointedly not sing in front of them ever again.

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 02/04/2026 00:16

You could start whistling instead? It’s so annoying they’ll probably beg you to start singing again.

GinAndJuice99 · 02/04/2026 00:16

I would always love to hear my family sing. I don't care if they have good voices or not. What a miserable bunch

Eggandspoonrace2 · 02/04/2026 00:17

LeftieRightsHoarder · 02/04/2026 00:09

Bad advice, both for OP and for her family. OP should go on enjoying the harmless, healthy pleasure of singing. The children and husband need to learn some courtesy and tolerance.

OP, why not join another choir if you can afford the time and cost? There’s even a national network of Tuneless Choirs if your voice really has deteriorated! or even if it hasn’t: the Tuneless Choir is about just singing for fun.

No, it depends very much on whether she burst into song an insufferable amount and whether she is as flat as a pancake.

If she is a terrible singer or very intrusive with it and always bothering and attention seeking, they may have a point. It would be discourteous and intolerant of the OP to continue if this is the case.

She needs an independent assessment of her voice, not a long ago choir, and to be realistic with herself about how much she is doing this.

It is possible they are just being horrible to her - if so, that needs further investigation.

I know two young women who are thoroughly embarrassed by their mother who will burst into song at the drop of a hat. She bought a gold suit from a second hand shop, a shiny stage type suit, and wears it on evenings out (it belongs in a musical number on a stage, but it gets attention). The other day she was walking through the mall with deely boppers on, a 61 year old woman hoping to be looked at (yes of course age is relevant, we expect everyone to learn more self awareness as they age). There is recent video footage of her cavorting, attempting to moondance etc on a night out with her daughters, putting herself in the middle of a group and basically demanding attention. When Singstar was popular she bought it and would force the family to join on karaoke competitions.

She is talentless, at both singing and dancing and they find it utterly cringeworthy and embarrassing. She seeks attention and lives in a bubble where she's actually quite good.

I will confess this is the sort of person I thought of when I read the OPs post. I could be wrong.

On the other hand, the woman I mentioned is quite entitled to behave like this, it's harmless and it brings her pleasure. But others are entitled to hate it too, and if they live with you it can be problematic.

It is absolutely impossible to know the reality of this situation, as the OP must be treated as an unreliable narrator. We all think we're far better than we are at certain things, this might be one of those things.

Sndns · 02/04/2026 00:18

Honesty I agree with the family. Quieten down a bit.

Whoops75 · 02/04/2026 00:23

I cringe when people do things like sing out, I can’t help how I feel. If my husband did it and asked if I liked it I would have to be honest and say no.
My friend does it and laughs louder than others at things too. Do you do this?
Some people are just more expressive but for those of us who aren’t it’s cringe, sorry.

YABU to never sing happy birthday,
Being passive aggressive is nasty, figure out a mature way to manage this.

HortiGal · 02/04/2026 00:25

I think whether your voice is wonderful or not, I’d find you singing every day very grating, especially full songs!
Have you never considered it’s a bit annoying?

OneKhakiFish · 02/04/2026 00:26

I feel sad that they had to be so hurtful, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't sing again in your home, as pp said you could join a choir, I enjoy singing when I'm on a walk, no one around,

Bristolandlazy · 02/04/2026 00:30

What a grumpy bunch, I can't sing particularly well and neither can my daughters, but we all sing along to the radio etc sometimes or randomly sing something in our heads, i assumed most people do.

Idontknownowwhat · 02/04/2026 00:31

I dont think you should need to be a good singer to sing around your family.
Its mean of them to have said what they have.
I sing a lot, badly. But my toddlers love it.... i am the most wonderful thing theyve ever seen. I know hits like the ABC song, twinkle twinkle little star and the wheels on the bus...

I wouldnt stop. If theyve got an issue with cheerful singing, that really is their issue

trumpisruin · 02/04/2026 00:37

If any of them dared to sing a note I would tell them in great detail how dreadful they sounded.😡
I would also probably sing alone after that though.

PullTheBricksDown · 02/04/2026 00:38

LeftieRightsHoarder · 02/04/2026 00:09

Bad advice, both for OP and for her family. OP should go on enjoying the harmless, healthy pleasure of singing. The children and husband need to learn some courtesy and tolerance.

OP, why not join another choir if you can afford the time and cost? There’s even a national network of Tuneless Choirs if your voice really has deteriorated! or even if it hasn’t: the Tuneless Choir is about just singing for fun.

This. And invest enough time in your choir going so that you aren't available to give them lifts, cook meals for them, or the other favours you do for them. 'Sorry, you'll have to sort that yourself, I'm going out to sing'. Watch them rue the day they complained about it.

Also, don't hold back on pointing out any of their annoying habits. I'm sure they have them.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/04/2026 00:39

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/04/2026 00:02

Your family have been shitty.
If you hold grudges then don't sing Happy Birthday and if asked, tell them why. I wouldn't fault you for that.
If you have a different sort of personality get up before everyone, putter in the kitchen singing Oh, What A Beautiful Morning! and go from there with show tune after show tune. 😊

Walking on Sunshine and Don't Worry, Be Happy would be good ones, too. I'd do the latter in a variety of voices as well. 🤣

trumpisruin · 02/04/2026 00:40

@Eggandspoonrace2
The gold suited mother sounds unbelievable, clearly not in the Q when they were handing out self awareness😬