AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

[Situationallystuck]

I usually sing when I'm happy. Little ditties and bits of tunes, sometimes a full on song. My voice isn't x-factor winning, but it isn't unpleasant. I was in a select choir when I was younger so I know I can carry a tune. I don't make a big deal about singing, and don't try and take centre stage with it at all, more like I'll sing along to a song on the radio or join in with singing at church etc.
Recently on holiday with my husband and teen children, my eldest said that they don't like it when I sing. I understood this to mean in public, which I get, teens don't want their mum attracting attention. I acknowledged this, but then it turned into a session where my husband said he thinks my voice is terrible and I should never sing. That it's horrible when I do. The teens nodded along. I was really hurt. But I figured maybe they got caught up in the situation, later I asked my husband if it was really that terrible when I sing and he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone.
So, today, I didn't sing at all. They all keep asking me if I'm alright because they can tell something is different, but I haven't said a word about the singing and neither have they.
I feel like either the biggest fool in the world for inflicting my singing on the people around me or an absolute arrogant sod for thinking my voice was not unpleasant. I don't want to be a fool or an arrogant sod, so I've decided not to sing again.
I reckon the first time they will properly notice is when my husband has his birthday next month.
I guess my question is, would I be unreasonable to never sing to/with them again, even though I know they will be sad or hurt that I'm not singing happy birthday? They would obviously prefer for me not to sing at any other time.

I’m 100% behind the suggestion that you join a choir, OP. I persuaded my partner to join a Male Voice Choir as he did so little just for himself. A couple of years later, what with weekly choir practice, choir committee meetings, choir concerts and competitions, extra pre-concert and -competition practice sessions and choir socials, he’s out and about all the time, enjoying singing and socialising with a lovely group of friends. What a pity if your miserable family had to get used to having you around far less as you took your singing out of their earshot!

People saying "join a choir" - you know choir members are expected to practise between meetups, and learn the songs?

I sing even more than before since I joined a choir, and it makes me happy... but I'll feel very self-conscious about singing in the house after reading this thread... and probably won't do it so much

I have a niece who has quite a lovely singing voice but it is so uncomfortable when she just starts singing out of the blue for no reason! The kids would call it "cringe". Sorry.

I have a niece who has quite a lovely singing voice but it is so uncomfortable when she just starts singing out of the blue for no reason! The kids would call it "cringe". Sorry.

I have a niece who has quite a lovely singing voice but it is so uncomfortable when she just starts singing out of the blue for no reason! The kids would call it "cringe". Sorry.

It's totally appropriate to ignore kids saying ordinary things like singing, wearing jeans or smiling at people are cringe. Real adults don't give a hoot about that. You just sound a bit mean. I hope your niece has some nicer relatives, because you are awful.

My mother used to sing around the house and more recently a neighbour in her garden, both really irritated me. Only now in later life do I realise that I'm not just a miserable person but also suffer from misophonia!
You might have a lovely voice, so please don't let this upset you, but maybe bear in mind your family could have problems with all sorts of sounds.

Why? Someone singing, as long as they aren't singing out of tune really badly or the same lines over and over is a joyous thing. My ExDP has a good singer, loved it when he sang.

Why? Someone singing is a happy thing.

Absolutely agree with this. Op, if you can, get an objective opinion. Ignore the teenagers, they tend t shrivel if someone does anything at all individual or attention drawing.

This.
Your husband needs some blunt feedback himself.
He's a nasty hurtful arsehole at times and it definitely impacts how you feel about him. He really needs to keep his nasty hurtful opinions to himself.

Twat.

I have come across people who when challenged about their behaviour respond with "just saying it like it is"or "thats just the way I am"

I have found responding with "fair enough, I am just choosing to not be around it", extremely effective.

I just dont get this
The teens and DH have shared that they find the Ops singing all the time, her own admission,difficult, as she is out of tune and they are nasty ?
What on earth?!
I find this baffling
People share a house and should be respectful to everyone who lives there
Out of tune singing all the time isnt joyful, its actually unpleasant , selfish and Op is lacking self awareness and empathy to others needs.

Those saying OP should carry on singing whenever she wants - how would it work if her husband chose to put football on TV or up the volume on the radio? And her children take up practising a musical instrument all the time?

It would be absolute bedlam, but if OP is encouraged to sing why is it only her who gets to be heard?

It’s quite concerning the way people leap to assumptions on here, OP has irritated her family with her incessant singing, they’ve now pointed it out and her husband is being called a nasty arsehole, is he threatened etc
It’s wild, people are allowed to say they don’t like something, would you be saying the same if it was reversed? no; it would be tell the selfish man to shut up!!

My daughter is an objectively excellent singer- has achieved a distinction in every grade exam, taken part in choirs, been asked to perform solos etc. She sings all the bloody time and I do often ask her to stop as she doesn’t even notice she is doing it. Sometimes it is across conversations or just background noise when I need to think and I can’t cope with it.

Some people are background noise people and some people are not. I’m sure it’s not your actual voice but more just that you are constantly filling the space with it.

This all makes me so sad. I am an ex professional opera singer, and so would like to add my story to this (although I did encourage some time ago on the thread). I have one of those (trained) voices that will hit the back of an auditorium, over the top of an orchestra.

I have three children, and I used to drive them bonkers. I would sing around the house, especially when learning something new,, and would make things up in my vocal exchange, 'haha! you are just so.... naughty!' Aka recitative. It isn't good for the voice to shout. They used to tell me to shut (the fuck) up. I'd sing the reprimand..

A couple of years ago. my son arrived home in the early hours. He'd spent lots of time with one of my ex students. She said to him, simply 'your mum used to ope her mouth to sing, and the sun came out. It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard'. He was incandescent. He apologised to me for telling me to shut up. Profusely.

He apologised for his years of telling me to shut (the fuck) up. he also told me that he thought that Opera was the finest form of music. He was pissed, obvs! But there was truth and acceptance.

I'm not telling you this because you're an opera diva, or choir diva, or anything else. I'm just asking you, again, to do your own thing. As for joining a choir - tops idea. Also find a qualified singing teacher who can work with you on technique. Never, ever doubt your ability.

I expect that I'll be slated for this for blowing my own trumpet. It's all true though, so I wanted to share it.

In the meantime. Never stop singing. And if anyone tries to stop you, Poke them in the eye with a blunt stick.

@Situationallystuck ... Just out of curiosity, how old are your children and are they boys or girls? Because I was told when I was 10 years old that I should only mime at the school concert because I sang flat! I never sang out loud again. About 50 years later I mentioned this to a friend who is a serious pianist and she was immediately on the case. Right, she said, let's get to the bottom of this! First she tested my ear, to make sure I could hear a sharp/flat note, then she made me sing back small random phrases of music. Spot on. Her conclusion was that most of the others, particularly the boys, were probably singing sharp. Apparently this is typical at that age. I now sing whenever I feel like it.

Ignore your husband, obviously.

I should perhaps add that my mother did the warbling thing. She thought she sounded like Kathleen Ferrier, but it was very much more Anna Russell. 😂

To be fair kids have undeveloped minds and think everything is cringe

Honestly the quality of the voice is not the issue. I know id find it annoying if someone was bursting into little ditty's randomly throughout the day regardless of whether it was Pavarotti who was doing it .

If he actually hated your voice, you’d have heard about it years ago.

I suspect what they really mean is they don’t like listening to real people sing, this is fairly common, it’s something that’s fine every now and then but if you’re someone who sings regularly (I do too!) then I think it can become icky for people around you. My mum has an objectively nice voice, but for some reason I find it quite annoying when she sings.

I’m sure your voice is lovely, they just don’t want to hear it so much.

I would compromise. Reduce the singing but don’t stop.

This. I'm an awful singer but I like to sing songs. Me and my boys sing everything. We sing adverts. We sing our own made up songs. We sing songs from tv programmes. Music and singing is a fundamental part of life. It makes us happier. I'm guessing it made you happy too so I'd say stuff them @Situationallystuck I'd be doing it even more like @yikesss said.

Oof.

This is really hurtful of them whether they mean it to be or not.

I remember overhearing my mum and her friend laughing at my carefree singing as a child and feeling heartbroken. I didn't think I was an amazing singer but just tended to sing a bit when happy and pottering about.

When my son was born I'd sing in front of him. He's never complained. I never sang in front of his dad though.

One ex (my youngest's dad) I felt emotionally safe to sing in front of as I pottered about, or along to the radio in the car but I feel like unmasking generally as a person and relaxing in front of him made him realise he didn't actually love me. 😞

I think other than my very loving kids I'll not sing in a carefree way in front of others again, so I really do feel your pain op. It's really hurtful of them.

YABU to stop doing something that gives you pleasure, because of the comments of others. You wouldn't like your teens to change themselves because someone at school was mean. Be yourself (and tell them they were rude and hurtful).

I would be very very hurt OP. But my suggestion is to get out of victim mode. You need to tell them all that what they said really hurt your feelings and that it was shitty of them, esp DH, to put you down like that. Then reiterate that YOU WILL be singing anyway! Cos fuck them and you do it for you.

Do it defiantly but -equally- maybe do it a bit less if it's something you do a loot as it can be a bit of an imposition

But really horrible for you, sorry OP.