AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

I'm exhausted and have the ick just reading about him. He will become a nightmare.

Got such a banging head ache now.

Do you have any friends or family who could come over to support you? It’s also worth ringing 101 uk police for some advice. Well done for ending it, he has more than a few issues.

Definitely ring the police if he keeps up this.

Exactly what I thought. Every update just shows it getting worse and worse. He's textbook abusive controlling arsehole. I had one of those and it ended up with me being beaten on quite regularly. Dump his ass straight away and don't let any pleading or promises to change deter you. He's going to make your life hell if you stay with him. Please show him that you aren't putting up with his controlling bullshit. Hope you can do it for your own peace of mind

Came here to say this. He sounds extremely unstable and you need to speak to the police.

Clare's Law Request

Call them ASAP.

I urge you to call the police, log as an incident and ensure you have someone with you.

I absolutely would not put it past him to turn up at school or be at your car. This is not just for your safety but for your kids.

Also - because let’s be honest you’re not completely sure on his past - have a set ‘check in’ with a friend to ensure you are ok throughout the next few days. At this point you can be considered ‘at risk’. I understand this is scary to consider, like I’ve said you can’t be sure of his past.

Im sorry you are going through this though - sending huge hugs

I agree with this.
OP i dont think this is a good one.

He sounds too much! I would be wary anyway of a MA bloke still living with Mum TBH. The fact hes so clingy as well ,does he not have any friends to see or interests ? I would say to call it off now.

Just read updates. I agree with this. Call the police if he comes near you again.

I’m so sorry, I didn’t know (don’t know if you’ve already mentioned and I’ve missed it). I know he wanted to be with you or rather expected to be with you whenever they were away, so assumed he hadn’t met them yet. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and have experienced similar myself.

Yes I would flag with police asap and start logging incidents. Also would make the school aware if you think he might show up there.

End it. He’s a huge red flag

Can you get someone to go up the school with you?

OP, you did the right thing by standing up for yourself, well done!

I second to call the police, report it now.

Do not engage with him anymore, don't feed his need for your time and attention. Police, a Ring, whatever precaution you need to avoid him. And talk to your school as well.

And enjoy your weekend on your own!

Can you get someone else to collect the children today?

If you are forced into "bumping into him" don't engage, just repeat "I've told you not to contact me" over and over again.

This is harassment and a police matter.

This behaviour would make me feel sick. How unattractive. And it would also make me nervous about what lay ahead. I would run a mile. Good luck ending it. He won’t make it easy.

This is terrible advice.

He's controlling and a bit mad. Just dump him.

I wonder if the person who cheated on him because he was “too nice” had actually ended the relationship but he saw it as cheating because (as you are seeing) he couldn’t accept it was over.

Is there anyone you can ask to pick up the kids today for you?

You don't need an encounter in front of children - yours or other people's with this guy. And yes, log it with the police. Explain that you have ended a relationship with a guy you felt was unstable and told him to stay away from you - and yet he has kept phoning from different numbers and has turned up at your house. Tell them you are worried he will confront you at your DCs school. Ask for advice and tell them you want this logging.

I have voted-YABU, because you're acting as if you have no say in the matter.
He invites himself over for 4 days, and you say - "No, I can see you Saturday and Sunday. I am not available the other days".

If you can't say that 6 months in, you're probably not yet equipped for a new relationship.

This is emotional abuse. A massive red flag. If he doesn’t have his own hobbies to occupy his time he is not the right person in the long term

Yes I agree with all the PPs. You need to log it with the police!

just read the whole thread. Good luck and well done for ending it.

And here is your evidence that he is obsessive!! Calling without caller ID and then turning up on your doorstep! OMG this guy has stalked people before!!

I would speak to him though on the phone. Just make it clear it is not working for you and it's not the sort of relationship you want and you hope he one day finds someone who can be the sort of person he wants. Just stand your ground and be polite.