Page 32 | AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

Theopdore · 2026-04-01T09:05:14+00:00

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it. his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice? in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that. he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy? we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

Supporting2026 · 02/04/2026 21:00

Just read the rest of the post. Well done for being so strong. Clearly 100% the right decision. Report to the police if he keeps stalking you. If you mention you have young children at home and you are scared about what he might do I am sure they will take it seriously.

Left · 02/04/2026 21:02

Well done OP! He’s an annoying boundary pusher. Your posts about him is making me want to dump him and I’m not even dating him 🤣🤣

YourOliveBalonz · 02/04/2026 21:14

All we know is this guy has been intense, insecure and clingy and that is how it’s been for 6 months - with OP largely tolerating that. He’s been dumped by text suddenly without it actually stating it’s over and then blocked everywhere so he cant respond. We don’t know that he’s going to turn into a dangerous stalker. He might, but as I’ve said previously, I really think a further message is needed in response to the one from his work phone, making it clear the relationship is over permanently and that further contact has to stop.

If I were him, I would have taken every bit of hope from your message that you are just wanting a bit of space, and therefore he might see all of this as his way of fighting for the relationship he wants to keep. A completely unambiguous message that makes it clear its final and further contact is harrasment seems sensible. That might be enough for him to go lick his wounds by himself, and if not then you have a firmer reason to contact the police.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/04/2026 21:15

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 02/04/2026 08:10

I would suggest you visit your local police station for advice. Do not minimise his unwarranted contact. Tbh, I could have placed a bet on him contacting you again. Don't ever reply. He will see that as a win.

Agree. @Theopdore you had already told him not to contact you again (unless I've mixed up from another thread), therefore, these continued messages are harassment. Please report this immediately to the police. Crazy smothering types like him are exactly the types that stalk and harass women. You really do need to get this reported now and DO NOT REPLY.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/04/2026 21:18

YourOliveBalonz · 02/04/2026 21:14

All we know is this guy has been intense, insecure and clingy and that is how it’s been for 6 months - with OP largely tolerating that. He’s been dumped by text suddenly without it actually stating it’s over and then blocked everywhere so he cant respond. We don’t know that he’s going to turn into a dangerous stalker. He might, but as I’ve said previously, I really think a further message is needed in response to the one from his work phone, making it clear the relationship is over permanently and that further contact has to stop.

If I were him, I would have taken every bit of hope from your message that you are just wanting a bit of space, and therefore he might see all of this as his way of fighting for the relationship he wants to keep. A completely unambiguous message that makes it clear its final and further contact is harrasment seems sensible. That might be enough for him to go lick his wounds by himself, and if not then you have a firmer reason to contact the police.

No, she has already made it very clear to him that he is not to contact her again, which he has repeatedly ignored. The police would advise her NOT to contact him again. The only thing she needs to do now is to report him for harassment, and get security cameras for the front and back of her house. @Theopdore you can buy a pair of cameras on Amazon for about £20.

SupervisorySpecialAgent · 02/04/2026 21:20

ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/04/2026 21:18

No, she has already made it very clear to him that he is not to contact her again, which he has repeatedly ignored. The police would advise her NOT to contact him again. The only thing she needs to do now is to report him for harassment, and get security cameras for the front and back of her house. @Theopdore you can buy a pair of cameras on Amazon for about £20.

Show quote history

Police would advise one final message to make it undoubtedly clear, as has been said by a police officer upthread and what officers told me and others on this thread who were in the same situation.

BountifulPantry · 02/04/2026 21:25

I had one of these. Clingy and obsessive until he drove me away then wouldn’t take no for an answer after SO many conversations about how suffocating he was.

He did fuck off… eventually.

Good luck love, you aren’t alone.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/04/2026 21:27

SupervisorySpecialAgent · 02/04/2026 21:20

Police would advise one final message to make it undoubtedly clear, as has been said by a police officer upthread and what officers told me and others on this thread who were in the same situation.

Show quote history

Only if she hadn't already been undoubtedly clear, which she had, her message to him said two times that he was not to contact her again. If she replies to him now, all of his contact attempts since her first "do not contact me again" message won't count as harassment.

thetinsoldier · 02/04/2026 21:41

TheNorns · 01/04/2026 10:13

He doesn't sound at all a 'nice guy' to me -- he sounds like someone encroaching, attention-demanding and presumptuous, who has sidestepped much of the time-consuming gruntwork of adulting by continuing to live with his mother. I'd dump and run, or, if you like him enough to want to keep him around on different terms, you set those terms, very firmly. 'No, Nigel, you will not be spending the Easter weekend here. No, I will not be phoning or texting you in the morning, I am getting my children up and getting ready for work. No, I do not want to spend every child-free moment with you.'

Tell him you'd like to see him only once a week (or whatever would work for you), and his reaction to that will tell you a lot about his 'nice guy' credentials.

This.

Christ, I’d get rid. He’s a nightmare.

Relationships are meant to be fun, not hard work, at this stage!

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/04/2026 21:42

thetinsoldier · 02/04/2026 21:41

This.

Christ, I’d get rid. He’s a nightmare.

Relationships are meant to be fun, not hard work, at this stage!

Show quote history

RTFT

HearHareHere · 02/04/2026 21:45

Sorry to derail but it drives me mad how many people, despite it being many pages into the thread, comment on just the first couple/few of the OP’s posts.
PP - you can select ‘see all’ if you don’t have time to RTWT but please for the love of all things sacred do this before clogging up a thread with advice which would have been helpful one or two pages in but which is now completely irrelevant. 😬🙄😡

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/04/2026 21:49

HearHareHere · 02/04/2026 21:45

Sorry to derail but it drives me mad how many people, despite it being many pages into the thread, comment on just the first couple/few of the OP’s posts.
PP - you can select ‘see all’ if you don’t have time to RTWT but please for the love of all things sacred do this before clogging up a thread with advice which would have been helpful one or two pages in but which is now completely irrelevant. 😬🙄😡

Edited

Totalled agree.
It's lazy.

Filtering the OP's posts is so easy.

Tillow4ever · 02/04/2026 21:50

@Theopdore how are you doing? Are you still safe? It’s been a while since you posted and I know a lot of us are worried for and about you with your ex escalating as he has done. I hope you’re just busy!

Babyghirl · 02/04/2026 21:52

Of course he knows where he stands, you told him not to contact you again that is enough to tell him its over, jog on.

SquirrelMadness · 02/04/2026 21:52

I think the message she sent was clear, she said "do not contact me" twice and also told him not to come round. I think he understands, which is why he's getting so desperate. I would also call the police and ask for their advice rather than unblocking and sending another message.

Hope you're ok OP.

Pessismistic · 02/04/2026 22:07

Oh op he is delusional you need to tell him either on the phone or text sorry x I think you are confused I don’t want temporary space I don’t want to carry on the relationship i did tell you a few months ago your too clingy you don’t respect my boundaries. I do not want to hear from you again if I do I will have no choice to report you.

SquirrelMadness · 02/04/2026 22:08

Also OP please don't let him talk you into meeting him face to face this weekend. I know you haven't suggested it and that nobody else on the thread has suggested it, I'm just speaking from personal experience. You don't owe him anything and you're doing really well in blocking him and staying strong.

thaisweetchill · 02/04/2026 22:10

I had an ex who was like this, in the end it got so bad I phoned the police. They went to his house and cautioned him, I never heard from him again.

I would recommend you do this.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 02/04/2026 22:15

Don’t know if anyone saw but OP has a 6 ft 7 brother, I’d get him to go round to creep’s house to warn him off or have him do school drop off/pick up a couple of times.

twoontheway · 02/04/2026 22:35

YANBU but don't hust leave. If you really like him, really communicate with him about this and see what happens. Be honest and clear but kind, keep it light.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/04/2026 22:38

twoontheway · 02/04/2026 22:35

YANBU but don't hust leave. If you really like him, really communicate with him about this and see what happens. Be honest and clear but kind, keep it light.

FFS RTFT before writing banal comments.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 02/04/2026 22:39

GreenGodiva · 02/04/2026 13:05

I would reply “if you message me again I will be contacting the police as this is now harassment. Once again, I’ve told you to stop contacting me andI have blocked you where I can. But you are contacting me across multiple platforms and from different phone numbers. Stop all contact with me now or I will 100% report you to the police.

This

Louisec1819 · 02/04/2026 22:41

Like many have said there is a lot of issues here, good you finished it :)

Happyjoe · 02/04/2026 22:42

thaisweetchill · 02/04/2026 22:10

I had an ex who was like this, in the end it got so bad I phoned the police. They went to his house and cautioned him, I never heard from him again.

I would recommend you do this.

Yes, I don't think there's any harm going to the police. He may have history of this behaviour too which is known to them.

Mimicking · 02/04/2026 22:45

OP, I appreciate you're probably having some quiet time, but please pop on to let us know you're okay.

My concern is his last message reads as frantic. He's trying to tone down his annoyance at being ignored but he exposed himself by multiple requests for some form of acknowledgement from you.

It's a good tactic to keep one line of communication open even though you have no intention of responding to his messages. It gives him a feeling that he can still communicate with you. This takes down the likelihood of him coming to your home. However, please consider reporting harassment. It's wise to keep it logged. People like him become consumed and irrational. Stay safe.