AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

Not sure why people think you haven’t been clear - provided your message you posted here was word for word, you clearly said not to contact you again. What a shame for him if he doesn’t understand why you would do this, but he should be talking to his own friends and family about these feelings - not the woman who told him not to contact her again.

Since then he has been blocked, but must have tried to call you or message through other socials or he wouldn’t know you’d blocked him (which he does know as he says it in his message). Finding himself blocked he has tried to contact you through a different number and then through TikTok.

This is already harassment and I would go to the police, honestly.

eta: he also physically turned up at your house! This is physically intimidating as well as ignoring your boundaries about contact.

I feel for you, he just won’t accept it will he

Oh and if you get a pm from that bloke who posted on here there’s plenty more men at the rodeo and signed it off from someone at the rodeo… ignore him. Any man worth his salt wouldn’t be trying to jump onto a woman who’s shown she’s vulnerable to abuse…. Suggests he could be looking for someone that he sees as an easy target. I hope I’m wrong, but those were the vibes I got.

It’s now 24 hours after your very clear and reasoned message. You don’t need to spell it out twice - your continued non-engagement says it all.

Keep screenshots etc, watch your back, and don’t hesitate to tell friends what’s going on/get advice/call police. He sounds unhinged 🚩

Just posting here to add my voice to the many other posters who are supporting you

Keep strong, you've done the right thing in getting rid of a controlling, manipulative, coercive man. You felt suffocated because you were being abused (and still are). You can call the police just for advice on how to handle the situation rather than filing a report if that's more comfortable for you.

He needs to go, this is a major red flag. Another thing of course he has to ask before he comes round, it’s your children’s home, he sounds like a major baby!! Read through the things you’ve put on here about this guy, now imagine it was a friend asking for advice, I’m sure we all know what it would be!! 🥴😬

Wow he sounds a bit unhinged.

Just keep blocking. I’d keep copies of all his attempts to contact you though in case he becomes even more persistent and doesn’t back off.

You've told him it's over , blocked him every which way and since then he's been to your house , messaged you on tik tok and called you from another number . He's not taking no for an answer is he. Document everything he sends you then block each contact if you can. If he turns up at your house film him,if you have to speak to him keep your replies short and concise so there is absolutely no way he can twist it in his favour. No means no, end of story and log the time and date. If you have any spare keys hidden outside that he knows about or could find remove them asap. If you have neighbours with a spare key I would tell them he is not to be admitted in under any circumstances, i.e ...he is not waiting for a delivery on your behalf not pet sitting and has not fogotten his key. It sounds over the top but people like this will try and wheedle their way back in through whatever way they can. Emotional blackmail.... I need help, you don't mean it etc then they will try your friends and neighbours and some even become violent , please be vigilant and stay strong. You don't want him in your life, stick to that line.

I would not respond / send him a message. What you wrote was perfectly clear.
any replies are just oxygen and he doesn’t care what you think or want anyway so don’t waste your time
Do not involve your brother in any form of warning or reiterating the message you sent. He will immediately try and get your brother into bother.

if his behaviour continues or escalates contact the police.

You should edit the post to remove your name.

Change your phone number.

Bloody hell, OP, what an absolute psycho he is!

I think you call 101 and ask for their advice now. And don't be scared to call 999 if he turns up at your house again, or at the school, or anywhere near you.

OP also warn your friends and family. He will start contacting them. Tell the school too.

Sorry you are going through this. He is harassing you. I’d go to the police and file a complaint.

I would speak to the police at this point and ask their advice.

Ask them if you need to send one last message - 'we are over, do not contact me again in any way or I will report you for harassment' (for legal reasons).

Or should you just continue to block him.

Good luck 💐

Im assuming you have copy and pasted this but OMG this is written like a teenager with the spellings please dont reply you owe him nothing, apart from being weird and odd he just needs another mummy...its never ok for a man to live alone with his mother no matter what sob story he gives you........i dated a guy once who lived with mummy and i went round to see him and he got his 84 year old mummy to answer the door and say "he doesnt want to see you anymore" i mean WTF

In what delulu land do posters think if you believe police will get involved at this point

I know someone clingy like this but he is much younger than this guy.

Putting the messages here at least means you have a record. I would also inform the police. So they have a record too.
He acknowledges in those messages that he knows you have finished it and blocked him - which is good even if he isn’t accepting that. The sheer number of different ways he is trying to contact you is also evidence.
Hopefully the police will speak to him, but after that court is your next step.

One message back to him: "I have said we are finished, done, and to stop contacting me. I have no interest in ever seeing or speaking to you again. You haven't stopped in spite of being blocked and keep using new numbers and social media accounts to contact me. So I am now going to contact the police for advice about harassment and stalking and pursue a non-molestation order. Do.Not.Contact.Me.Again.Ever.' Then block again.

Also, let your children's school know that he is NEVER to be allowed to pick up or be near your children on school grounds just in case.

As a police officer who deals with harassment regularly, I agree with the one last text to reiterate that the relationship is over and that any further contact from him is unwanted and will be reported to the police.

Not because I think this will stop him, but because it will make it easier for CPS to agree to prosecute.

I can guarantee he has done this many times before, whether anyone has reported him is another matter but if it carries on you need to report him yourself.

Completely agree and I’m glad you came on here to say this.

They will. You need to inform yourself. It's criminal.

Yes, this.