AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

Ffs, how illiterate is he??? That hurt my eyes

ha ha ha

@Theopdore ignore, ignore, ignore.

do not react at all to anything
if messages escalate, call 101

Block this number too. He clearly thinks you give a shit how he’s feeling, he’s going to start playing the sympathy card soon!

Yes, that level of illiterate textspeak is a dumpable offence on its own, even setting aside the stalking.

u can imagine how I'm feeling right now, but u jus get urself backto happy

Still putting his feelings first, with you as a bitter afterthought!

Looks as though you'd best "get yourself back to happy" chop chop pronto OP, so that you can resume where you left off with this nutcase.

I wonder what his work would think of him using company property to stalk someone. I wonder if someone having a chat with him there would get through to him.

Once he’s out of your life for good, please do some serious work on yourself before dating again. This guy is so so far below your worth, it’s bonkers. I would love for you to be at the stage where you spot this far sooner.

He’s also admitted he’s using his work mobile to send personal messages so if he’s employed and things do escalate I would also report him to the company for harassment

I would reply and say this clearly shows your lack of understanding or respect for my boundaries and that you're not listening to me. This is absolutely the end.
Then block.

I would reply with a short text saying “The relationship is over. Do not ever contact me again.”.

Then block him again and ignore ignore ignore.

Actually, seeing as it’s the work mobile I might be tempted to reply on it. Simply saying “this now constitutes harassment and stalking. Any further communication will be reported to the police and your workplace.”

And as others have said, do Claire’s law request on him. I have a feeling he’s got form for this and his whole “I was previously dumped for being too nice” is very telling.

Mine are curling too… I would have had to end it with him purely because of that, let alone anything else!!

Exactly he isn’t acknowledging what he has done wrong

He really isn't acknowledging any wrong.

You shouldn’t have said you need space, it sounds like a temporary measure and gives him hope.

I would have said something short, clear and unambiguous like “Sorry but I don’t feel the same about you. I do not want to continue seeing you or have any more contact. Best of luck for the future/ I wish you well”.

Would it be worth replying one last time saying sth like: "It is over between us, it is never gonna work. Stop contacting me completely or I'll have no choice but to contact the police for stalking and harassment."

I not only read it, I quoted it in my post.

It is not a very clear message at all.

I had a relationship like this. The final straw was him ringing me in hysterics threatening to k*ll himself. I believe my final words were 'Fuck off or Im calling the police'
A week later he was going out with someone else....That relationship ended when he kicked in the classroom door where she was teaching. There are some scary unbalanced men out there

Ohhh. That's not good at all. He has major trust issues, prob from being cheated on but this is not your problem to fix op.

I'd get rid. Not a good sign so early in.

Unfortunately, he's behaving in the way, I thought he might. He's heard you, but he's not listening. The part about 'not contacting you again', has clearly fallen off his radar. He's not going to give up. Don't reply. Don't unblock. Hopefully, he might get the message, but I'd be prepared for the nasty side to appear, once he realises that you are serious.

If it escalates, report to the police and I would request a Clare's Law. Even if there's no previous, by reporting him, it's on record.

A friend of mine ended up with someone who love bombed her, he seemed lovely. Slowly started to move in with her, just the odd thing at first, then suddenly post for him started appearing at her address. He moved himself it, but he started to be controlling. After she kicked him out, he love bombed and then when he realised it wasn't working, he became abusive. He'd lent her a phone because hers mysterious broke, he'd cloned it, every message she sent, he got a copy!! She ended up reporting him to the police and requesting a Clare's Law. He had a report as long as your arm.

You’ve asked him not to contact you and he’s ignored your wishes. This is the point at which you tell him never to contact you again, and that if he does will consider it harassment and report it to the police. Then block him on his other number too.

Also take a note and screenshot of every interaction in case you do need to speak to the police.

Do you also blame rape victims for what they were wearing at the time? Jesus

It's time for the, 'Stop contacting me. If you do so once more, I will go to the Police' message and start logging everything.

It's also time for at least one camera on the house.

He has the emotional intelligence of a stick.

This is the pleading stage. I can promise you the next stage, when he realises you're not playing ball, will be the angry and threatening one... possibly threats to self-harm...

I don't like the sound of that 'I'm not giving up on us'. As if you have no say in this! I agree with the PP who said you need to do some work on your own boundaries.

He cannot see any problem with his behaviour before or now, even tho @Theopdore set clear boundaries.