AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

He has now messaged off another number

How many devices has this man got?
I was just reading through the updates and wondering if his next move would be to get his mum involved to go and have a chat with the OP.

Tell him to please stop contacting you as this is harassment You do not want any more contact from him.

I would suggest you visit your local police station for advice. Do not minimise his unwarranted contact. Tbh, I could have placed a bet on him contacting you again. Don't ever reply. He will see that as a win.

What has he messaged @Theopdore ?

I will reply after school run

I would reply, once. "You are fully aware that our relationship is over and the reasons why. I have asked you repeatedly to stop contacting me, by any method. Any further contact will be regarded as stalking/harassment and logged with the police".

At this point I might be inclined to call the non-emergency police number and ask for their advice..I don't have personal experience with thia but I think I have read in here that they can be helpful. Buying new sims (presumably), just to get through you after your message not to contact you and continued ignoring is definitely harassment at the very least.

At this stage you need to reply to that number and state: ‘to clarify without out doubt: I do not wish to communicate with you any further, Do not contact me again as I will report you to the police for staling and harassment’.

Once you have done this you are in a position to do precisely that. Keep screen shots of his messages so far.

ETA actually ignore that - you told him not to contact you already in clear terms. He is aready breaking the law. I’d follow the advice to contact the police at this stage. They may be able to have a chat now and nip it in the bud and if not, you have started the process. I think a Clare’s law enquiry is also overdue.

I would be tempted to just reply with a very short message clarifying that it is over forever and he is not to contact you ever again, if he does by any method you will inform the police (or you could say you already are doing that).

Wow he is persistent! He's not really getting the space thing, is he?

Contact the police now. This is stalking. He’s not going to stop without outside intervention, I know this from experience. Take your cat and go elsewhere while your kids are away if you can. I don’t mean to scare you but he’s really not going to just go away now he’s stuck on this.

So he clearly hasn't understood the request not to contact you.

The whole thing is obsessive and stalker-like behaviour.

He's entering stalking territory now OP. Contact the police.

Good morning it's * I'm on my works phone, I'm not giving up on us yet, but u have a good day and enjoy ur time on ur own and have a good weekend, u know were I am if u wana take ur mind on things, I jus want u to b ok, so whatever will b will be, u can imagine how I'm feeling right now, but u jus get urself backto happy sam love you xxxxx

I would block and not reply. Any engagement will encourage him.

God he really doesn't get that he is the issue does he? He's making this all about you.

yeah don’t reply. People like this will hang on to any scrap of contact. Block and report him for stalking. He needs a chat with a police officer. Hopefully that will be enough to get him to back
off.

Wtaf? He’s not giving up is he? Block him again.

OP please don't reply to anything. It will just feed him. You made it clear to not contact you in your first message. Honestly I'd have thought that was a kid messaging you! Hurt my eyes trying to read it.

He clearly is not right and thank goodness you've ended it now! Do you feel unsafe?

He understands it all right. He’s just not interested in complying with it. Only time and silence will see he learns.

Agree.

Good move. He has no respect for your boundaries. That’s not good.

On the plus side, you can be well sure this man is unhinged now op!

he has contacted you by various means over a dozen times now since you told him not to contact you.

I think I might be inclined to send one very very clear final written message talking about the police, harassment, stalking, controlling etc

probably not on WhatsApp because unless you cut and paste it across so that he doesn’t quickly send a message when he’s unblocked.

then block again.

we can help you with this message.

I think this because a few posters have felt your initial message wasn’t completely clear, and remember you are dealing with someone who is completely incapable of considering he’s anything other than great.

‘dont ever contact me again, via any method, as I will be contacting the police for harrassment.
our relationship is over. This is due to YOUR controlling, creepy behaviour.

Please contact the police, make a Clare's Law enquiry, and get a Ring doorbell or similar if you don't have one already. He's said he's "not giving up" despite being clearly told not to contact.

💐