AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

He's 38? Bloody hell
That isn't a reasonable message OP, he's deflecting and not listening to you.
Please consider a Clare's Law request and/or contact the Hollie Gazzard trust. I think there's an app for that org.
Make sure your closest friends/family are aware, and get a ring doorbell or simar if you haven't already.

He's a nasty creep!

Yeah sure he was just around the corner when (wen?) he got your message. Handy coincidence that.

Also, regarding your cat, I'd think about keeping her/him in for a few days and getting a tracker in the meantime. Tractive do an excellent one with a real-time app.

He doesn’t respect your boundaries.

why are you pandering to what HE wants?

you know what you want, your gut is telling you to finish with him. Listen to it!

He sounds scary. Please get out now while you can. Tell him you’ve got back with your ex or whatever you need to say to make him go away.

He sounds horrible! And needy and controlling. For your kid’s sake please get him out of your life!

Oh, dear. Texts like a sub-literate teen and lives with his mum? Oh, and of course he's looking after her, which is why he has so much time for mithering you.

So good you've binned him off, though like others I imagine he'll be persistent.

From his text (great language btw not!) I can guarantee this isn’t the last you’ve heard from him. He’s probably stumped as to why you dumped him and might want answers.

Fucking hell

DEFINITELY do a Clare's Law request, he sounds unhinged.

If you can't have an adult conversation about needing your own space then thats a huge red flag. You are only 6 months in and already feel smothered and have to deal with him pleading you.. this will only get worse.
Ive had friends that have cheated as it was the only way to end the relationship as tbr guy wouldnt let them go and leave them in peace and they had to blow up the relationship and cheat to get the message across. By that time the relationship was obviously one sided but some men just wont leave when asked.

You don't have to decide if he's "too clingy" or if you're "not ready." The bottom line is: this specific situation with this specific person isn't working for you. You don't need to diagnose it. You can just end it. Six months is enough time to know.

He won’t stick to what he said . He will try for two days or so and when he realises you aren’t changing your mind . He will keep pestering you .
When he doesn’t get his own way by walking over you , he tries to sound reasonable . When he really isn’t .

You say you feel exhausted at the thought of spending the weekend with him - that is a clear indication he's not right for you. And men who claim they are "too nice" always make my spidey senses tingle.

You've done the right thing, hope he leaves you alone now.

I dated someone who started off like this and and he became incredibly abusive and coercive. He hacked my phone and tracked my every move. I couldn't see the wood for the trees at the time but he was an incredibly dangerous individual. I don't know how I survived. He wore me down and wouldn't let me end our relationship (albeit I tried numerous times).I became a prisoner in my own home.

Please be very, very careful.

”Look, I think maybe this might be a little too much too fast.
I need to slow down and back off a bit - I’m feeling overwhelmed. Thank you.”

You can answer whatever he says - like that you just got out of a 20 year marriage and you’d like to stand on your own a bit.

Of course you like him, don’t be silly. You just realised that you needed to breathe.

If the dude doesn’t like that, well, there’s many more dudes at the rodeo and they’re just waiting for you to sashay up and say howdy.

Snding love from from the land of rodeos ❤️

Oh for goodness sake. Get rid. Red flags EVERYWHERE. You don't desire his company and thought of him coming round is burdensome. There is no future there. It should be fun!

The OP blocked him several updates ago.

Dump him for his grammar and spelling, if nothing else. Ew.

Dump!

If he's generally nice, I would just have a sit down and explain you want space. It is very likely to be different for someone who has been married and had kids, to someone who has basically had the kind of experience many of us would have had as teenagers. That doesn't make either of you wrong, or bad people.
In most countries, someone living with family rather than alone wouldn't be seen as a problem-if I'd broken up with a partner premarriage, I would rather have gone back to live with my mum, both for financial reasons and that it's nicer to be with someone than alone, so that wouldn't bother me (assuming she is nice and not clingy).
If you clearly explain how you feel, he either respects that-great. Or he doesn't, and then you can move on.

OMG

Read the OP's posts!

Ummmm. No. Do not take this advice.. Read the whole thread before commenting, jeez

Your message was not at all clear (not that that would make any difference to this man). You left so many angles for him to penetrate and argue with and not quite understand.

"I need some space, do not try to contact me or come round. I told you it would come to this if you didn’t change your ways. The fact that you just demand you are coming round when I told you I like time to myself is just awful. I genuinely think you need to find somebody who can give you that time you want, it isn’t me, we have a completely different life and you don’t respect mine at all, you just care about what you want. Again please don’t try to contact me at all. Take care

"I need some space," indicates you need some space this weekend. Not that the relationship is over. Nowhere have you said clearly, it's over. "do not try to contact me or come round" this weekend, is how he'd read it.

I think you need to unblock and write a clear sentence stating it is over, and to stop harrassing you or you will report his harrassment to the police.

You obviously have not read the very clear message OP sent him telling him not to contact her again.

I agree with this @Theopdore- this message is insane. He is clearly not listening to you and trying to minimise by his comment about you “struggling”. Do not get sucked in.