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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

926 replies

Theopdore · 01/04/2026 10:05

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

OP posts:
NamelessNancy · 01/04/2026 19:52

Dery · 01/04/2026 13:13

Well done for taking such decisive action, OP. For the future: Any man who says he was cheated on because he is too nice is bad news. Men don’t get cheated on because they’re too nice but men who don’t really like women say that kind of thing. He sounds like he has some incel/toxic manosphere thinking. If he keeps trying to contact you, you should involve the police. You may also want to speak to the NCDV about a non-mol.

https://www.ncdv.org.uk

Edited

What @Dery said. No woman ends a relationship or cheats on a man because he's too nice. A man who claims/thinks women act like that is bad news.

Original poster
Theopdore · 01/04/2026 19:53

I thought this and I shouldn’t generalise but women who are happy generally don’t cheat?

OP posts:
Tablesandchairs23 · 01/04/2026 19:54

God he's needy and smothering. Get rid of him.

Henhipster · 01/04/2026 19:56

Theopdore · 01/04/2026 10:09

The thing is I have tried to cut off a few times and he says he will change and pleads for
me to not end things.

honestly the thought of 4 days to myself sounds like absolute heaven.

i was ill a few weeks ago with the flu and it was a day when the kids were with their dad. He made out I was lying so I didn’t have to see him so in the end I just let him come round to see how ill I was.

Show quote history

He’s not nice he sounds controlling and totally unreasonable. I doubt his previous relationship ended for him being too nice. If that was the case why is his behaviour so different towards you.
i think you should end it and make sure you don’t relent when he pressures you.You deserve better.

Original poster
Theopdore · 01/04/2026 19:57

He has messaged me on Tik Tok!

OP posts:
Original poster
Theopdore · 01/04/2026 19:58

U ok first of all I want to apologise for coming to urs before but I was round the corner wen I get ur message and u blocked me on everything like I don’t exist no more, and wasnt expecting anything like that, so I jus wanted u to talk to me face to face, anyway that won’t happen again, I know ur struggling with the kids and u need some space I understand, and I’m not expecting a reply, these are jus things I want u to know, il b here waiting for you wenever ur ready, I’m heart broke if this the end😩😩, but u can get hold of me anytime u want, hopefully speak to you, hope u and the kids are ok to x

OP posts:
Isekaied · 01/04/2026 20:00

Oh dear he isn't helping himself.

Don't respond and block him.if possible.

3luckystars · 01/04/2026 20:01

Thanks bye.

Wherearemybaubles · 01/04/2026 20:02

Theopdore · 01/04/2026 19:58

U ok first of all I want to apologise for coming to urs before but I was round the corner wen I get ur message and u blocked me on everything like I don’t exist no more, and wasnt expecting anything like that, so I jus wanted u to talk to me face to face, anyway that won’t happen again, I know ur struggling with the kids and u need some space I understand, and I’m not expecting a reply, these are jus things I want u to know, il b here waiting for you wenever ur ready, I’m heart broke if this the end😩😩, but u can get hold of me anytime u want, hopefully speak to you, hope u and the kids are ok to x

🙄 trying to sound all nice and light, don't bite! Give him a few more days/hours/minutes and he'll ramp up and get nasty.
You've done the best thing by getting rid and blocking him. I'm not on TikTok but can you block someone on there too?

Shallotsaresmallonions · 01/04/2026 20:02

God, how can anyone be attracted to a man who texts like that.

Boxdyewilldo · 01/04/2026 20:03

He texts like a 14 year old. Massive ick

Original poster
Theopdore · 01/04/2026 20:03

That message seems completely sane and reasonable. I gave him a chance months ago and nothing had changed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theopdore · 01/04/2026 20:04

Shallotsaresmallonions · 01/04/2026 20:02

God, how can anyone be attracted to a man who texts like that.

Yes I hated it

OP posts:
Dimpledaisies · 01/04/2026 20:09

the way his text is written makes my toes curl 🤢

Laura95167 · 01/04/2026 20:09

Theopdore · 01/04/2026 19:58

U ok first of all I want to apologise for coming to urs before but I was round the corner wen I get ur message and u blocked me on everything like I don’t exist no more, and wasnt expecting anything like that, so I jus wanted u to talk to me face to face, anyway that won’t happen again, I know ur struggling with the kids and u need some space I understand, and I’m not expecting a reply, these are jus things I want u to know, il b here waiting for you wenever ur ready, I’m heart broke if this the end😩😩, but u can get hold of me anytime u want, hopefully speak to you, hope u and the kids are ok to x

Let your silence SCREAM.

Dont block him but do screenshot this and keep a record as you may need to go to the police.

Because I think that text was designed to either guilt you or enrage you into a response.

TwistedWonder · 01/04/2026 20:09

Theopdore · 01/04/2026 19:58

U ok first of all I want to apologise for coming to urs before but I was round the corner wen I get ur message and u blocked me on everything like I don’t exist no more, and wasnt expecting anything like that, so I jus wanted u to talk to me face to face, anyway that won’t happen again, I know ur struggling with the kids and u need some space I understand, and I’m not expecting a reply, these are jus things I want u to know, il b here waiting for you wenever ur ready, I’m heart broke if this the end😩😩, but u can get hold of me anytime u want, hopefully speak to you, hope u and the kids are ok to x

JFC he texts like he’s about 14

He's trying to act all breezy and light but he’s going DARVO and blaming your issues for the break up.

Don’t reply but if any message deserves a 👍it’s that one

3luckystars · 01/04/2026 20:11

Theopdore · 01/04/2026 20:03

That message seems completely sane and reasonable. I gave him a chance months ago and nothing had changed.

Sorry am I misunderstanding? You think that text is reasonable? It’s excuse after excuse. He is digging at you about your children. The cheek of him! He is a creep of the highest order and that texting is embarrassing.

Original poster
Theopdore · 01/04/2026 20:12

I supposed I was a tad relieved when he said he will not turn up here again.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 01/04/2026 20:13

That’s not true!! That’s stage one.

He is like a dying wasp and this is just the start of it.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 01/04/2026 20:13

3luckystars · 01/04/2026 20:11

Sorry am I misunderstanding? You think that text is reasonable? It’s excuse after excuse. He is digging at you about your children. The cheek of him! He is a creep of the highest order and that texting is embarrassing.

Show quote history

Second. Don’t cave and give in to him. Please!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 01/04/2026 20:14

Theopdore · 01/04/2026 20:12

I supposed I was a tad relieved when he said he will not turn up here again.

Get your brother to stay quick smart.

3luckystars · 01/04/2026 20:15

Theopdore · 01/04/2026 20:12

I supposed I was a tad relieved when he said he will not turn up here again.

There is a book called ‘women who love too much’

Download it tonight. You are extremely vulnerable and innocent if you think that’s the last you have heard from him. You need to protect yourself. Urgently.

aquitodavia · 01/04/2026 20:15

Theopdore · 01/04/2026 19:53

I thought this and I shouldn’t generalise but women who are happy generally don’t cheat?

Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't cheat at all. This situation very much reminds me of my ex (who I unfortunately stayed with much longer). He maintained that he had been cheated on by his last ex, but said she never admitted it. By the end of our relationship, seeing how suspicious he always was of me, I really doubted that that was what had happened at all.

Yellowpingu · 01/04/2026 20:16

@Theopdore I don’t want to alarm you but do you have a doorbell camera? I think I’d be tempted to install one if not, especially as he knows you’re on your own this weekend, even if it’s just to lurk in hope of seeing you.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 01/04/2026 20:16

3luckystars · 01/04/2026 20:15

There is a book called ‘women who love too much’

Download it tonight. You are extremely vulnerable and innocent if you think that’s the last you have heard from him. You need to protect yourself. Urgently.

Edited
Show quote history

I mean if she was in USA she could buy a gun… only half joking! Arm yourself.