AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

I bet you feel like a big weight has been lifted @Theopdore

Run!

Never been more sure about a decision in my life! Complete relief!

He is really insecure and this is not good, get rid of him now

He's probably angling to move out of his mum's into yours! Have you told him you don't want to spend all your free time with him? I'm very clear about that with anyone I start dating.

I have said numerous times why leave it tonight and do another day but he just won’t accept it. I constantly reiterate that I love spending time alone.

I’m either with the kids, working, or with him and some people might be ok with that but for me I need downtime and he is suffocating me

I should have read your replies before commenting, sorry 😆 - well done for getting rid!

He’s batshit. He doesn’t believe you when you’re unwell. Nah I’d bin this one

Oops I usually read all the OP posts. But he definitely is batshit. I’d unblock him to send him one final message. Saying “I suspect you were calling me from an unknown number before you came to my house. Let me make it absolutely clear that I have ended our relationship because of your controlling behaviour and any further contact even to reply to this message will result in you being reported to the police. I consider your behaviour to be harassment and is completely unwanted.”

I really don’t want to unblock him

Did he turn up at school pick up?

I would have binned him after this caper after he had come round and I had infected him.

Not that I know of as I got another mum to collect them.

Huge red flag he sounds insecure and in need of another mummy..why is he still living at home

I don’t think his mum can afford to live alone

Just end it now. He has ignored your wishes repeatedly. That would be it for me.

Christ, this would drive me mad. I absolutely hate being smothered and I'd have given him the boot long ago. OP, you need to end this as he will only get more intense and worse and he will be unbearable even more than he is now.
Just tell him it's not working out and you are ending it. Factual and to the point. Ignore any pleading or persuading. Simply state that and walk away. No need to be rude or unkind just say it as it is. Then block him.

That's a huge red flag.

FFS

RTFT

You definitely don't need to send a further message OP - you've been clear already. If you have an android phone, you can go into settings and view messages from blocked senders - I don't think you can do it on iPhone. It's just about generating evidence in case you need to involve the police. You can divert emails to a folder without seeing them. Sorry if you know all this already .

He absolutely needs to ask if he can come around. This is clearly moving too fast for you, and he does sound very clingy. Does he have other preoccupations - friends, family, hobbies, sport? The fact that he is still living with his parents also sounds like a 'failure to launch'. And, being way to clingy might have led to his ex throwing herself into a different relationship (not blaming him, just think it might have been part of the explanation).

It is not necessarily the end - but have the conversation about needing your own space (and you shouldn't feel defensive about this - some of us women find it hard to think about ourselves when there is anyone else around - you need to be alone to actually take care of yourself). If he doesn't get and respect that, that would be a red flag, in my view. I had a similar conversation with my partner (who was way less clingy) and he was very understanding, and we just recalibrated, and are now on the same page on how much time we like to spend with each other. Its five years in, and if there is any departure from our regular routine, he still asks if he can come over. It is just manners!

Ah, I see events have overtaken my post...

I have already told him and he hasn’t improved.

Okay, this sounds like a Nice Guy all over. Cheated on because he's "nice", lives with mum, love bombing you. He doesn't respect your boundaries already, putting himself and his own needs first clearly and not allowing you a moments peace! Look up the nice guy phenomenon if you haven't come across before.

Edited to say I saw your updates @Theopdore well done. He will try a while and you might need to face being very firm, but you'll be spun into his backstry with his next unfortunate gf as someone who broke up with him for being too "nice " again. It's toxic manosphere stuff disguised as charm an love when it's anything but.