AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

I'm painting my stairs - well I will be if I can decide on a colour.

All sorts of red flags here. OF COURSE he has to ask if he can come round! And has to respect you when you say no!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

He made out I was lying so I didn’t have to see him
So, he insisted on seeing you even when he thought you didn't want to???
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Honestly @Theopdore life is too short for this rubbish. He's not "nice" he's lining you up to replace his mum and look after him.

Get rid of him.

BIG RED FLAGS

He accused you of lying when you were ill with flu
He thinks he can come around at any time

No no no no no no no

Sorry but no matter how you assert your boundaries and no matter how much he promises to change he is never going to. The fact that he still lives with his mum shows that he hasnt yet launched as a mature independent adult.

You are not his mum. Get rid. It will not improve.

He failed to respect your boundaries and accused you of lying - I'm afraid this sounds abusive. Beware people who come across as overly nice at the beginning as sadly some of them are in fact narcissists in disguise. Respect means not casting aspersions on the other person and being mindful of how much they might be willing to give. This guy is making everything about himself. Take a step back, I would say...

Oh wow, wish I had RTFT before posting 😂😂😂.

I never imagined things would progress so far between 10:12 and 10:47!

Well done on ending things and blocking him @Theopdore . If he continues to be a nuisance, don't be afraid to call the police.

Honestly, your first post I thought “ oh bless him he’s a bit keen isn’t he” ….your second post about him coming round when you were poorly so you could “ prove it”…..mate…there’s a reason he lives with his mum….i couldn’t be doing with that shite …and even long before the post menopausal me , the younger me would have told him to do one as well…..he is not healthy for you xx

Well done!!!👏👏👏

Sorry sweetie, I hadn’t read your update…well done and keep strong x

Sounds perfect! You have done the right thing OP, stay strong. I agree with PPs that you shouldn't hesitate to inform the police if he does keep harassing you.

"Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?"

Voted YANBU the second i read that. Do not pursue this relationship. Sounds like complete lovebombing from someone who refers to himself as a 'nice guy'. Red flag, avoid avoid avoid.

OMG.

This is actually quite scary.

You may need to consider contacting the police if he doesn't back off.

Might be worth logging it with the police as you messaged and ended it and he has kept calling and then turned up. When I had this from someone I was seeing the police took his details and I logged it and then someone went round and explaining phoning me was harassment and he needed to stop. That ‘quiet word ‘ meant it stopped. You said it’s over and his response was to keep ringing, go to number withheld and then turn up. So I would get it logged. And then report each further contact. Has he got a key? Have you got a ring doorbell?

The latest of his red flags. He has proven again that he has no respect for your boundaries.

If at any point you feel unsafe @Theopdore report him to the police so his stalking behaviour is officially documented.

Claims he was cheated on for being "too nice" 🚩
Accuses you of lying to not see him 🚩
Says he doesn't need your permission to come round 🚩
Get rid. "Niceguys" like this can be dangerous.

I agree with the above regarding ring doorbell. Unblock so you can see how much he'll be harassing you. I'll put money on him having done this before. He's a stalker.

Ring the police if he doesn't leave you alone. And keep ringing every time.

Well done, I'm proud of each and every person who has the courage to do this after dating a cling on for far too long! A massive relief for you, shove a massive finger up at him if he does ever try and come round. Good work, OP.

Sounds like at best he’s smothering, insecure etc at worst a major red flag and poetically could be dangerous in the future if this is what he’s like now. Accusing you of lying is bizzare and slightly worrying.

Not to alarm you but how well did you know him before you started dating? Do you feel like you might need to ask the police for information under the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (Clare's Law)?

Otherwise, well done and keep firm - you don't owe him anything. If you have any intimidating male friends or relations to warn him off should be become a nuisance that would be good.

Well done @Theopdore !
You have done the right thing.
My ex was like this, missed me so much etc. But he was trying to isolate me from friends and family.
He was cross when I called it off and I was scared but ... you must NOT back down!

Actually yes. Do this. I hope and pray he doesn’t harass you.

Years ago at work I was chased romantically by a younger guy who ended up following me to the train station! 😱

Luckily my brother is 6 ft 7 so if needed….

Actually that’s a good idea, have the man there at pickup at school.

Perfect!

I was going out with the girls a few weeks ago and he said he is going to be on pins, pacing up and down etc. I’ve never met any of his friends he doesn’t seem to have any.

Aargh even more of a red flag.