AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

That isn’t normal behaviour! You’ve definitely done the right thing OP. He sounds creepy…

Dump him

Yep, I had a Klingon such as this - when i went he loo, he'd follow me and carry on talking at me as I headed there and then kept talking at me from outside the door.

I still shudder to think about it...

He’s single and living with his mum for a reason. NOONE ELSE WANTS HIM.

Well done for holding those boundaries @Theopdore

I too am looking forward to some time to myself over Easter as my 2 are away.

I hope you feel better after a good nights sleep and you have a glorious 4 days over Easter whatever you end up doing 💐

i don’t know why people are telling you to negotiate. This. Is coercion. Dump him now. His last girlfriend didn’t say he was too nice, I’ll bet she said he was controlling.

Just seen your updates. Well done.

Lounge around in my pjs drinking wine ! Haha find a good series and paint my bathroom

She has.
Read her updates.

Oh, OP I’m so sorry.

I hope everything goes ok with pick up.

He’s not needy, he’s controlling and trying to disguise it with neediness.

I really hope you have people who can support you at home (friends, family) and that he leaves you alone!

Nobody breaks up a relationship because their partner is too nice. He's either completely wrong about the dynamics of his past relationships or he's lying. Neither are good.

You feel smothered because you are smothered. This is only going to get worse. You should never have to invite someone over to prove that you're sick. The man is a walking red flag.

Take no nonsense and I form the police if he causes you any issues!

*inform

I would unblock him on your phone, OP, (not on social media or any apps) and if he contacts you again at all report to the police. You need the evidence that he's harassing you, which is why blocking isn't best. You've already told him not to contact you again, so that base is covered. I doubt this is his first rodeo for stalking and harassment. If he comes to the door again, call 999. Well done - wishing you a peaceful 4 days.

He is another child

End relationship

You need a proper man or woman

Lives with his mum? That's never a good sign tbh. His m lives with him maybe but never left home nope not a good bet

Glad you are now free. Just be careful over the weekend. He is may call around.

OP I met a man just like this recently, almost exactly the same as you describe. After a long marriage with children too. Good for you for getting rid.

That is such a red flag for me - the accusing you of lying. He clearly has major insecurity and control issues. You are not his project to work on to improve these. I'd move on if I were you. It'll only get worse

Don't be so available and if he wants to see you over the Easter break, limit it to one afternoon and evening because you have other plans.

Tell him he is being a bit much and you are overwhelmed. I daresay he means no harm.

Don't always answer the phone - have it switched off.

He'll calm down. If he had his own place he'd have other things to think of, I'd encourage him to find somewhere. Living with parents long term is not attractive.

So so glad you've called it off op. He sounds awful!

If you don't have a video doorbell or CCTV get some.

Don't answer your door without checking who it is. Don't answer phone if you don't know who it is.

Just stay no contact and safe.

@Theopdore

I would also be getting these three things too as a matter of urgency :

• New Locks
• RING Doorbell
• Personal Alarm

TODAY!

Stay safe OP.

Wow! This is not okay.

And what did he do when he eventually came round and saw you weren't okay?

But why wouldn't he believe you??!

He should have been out on his ear at 'making out I was lying'. How dare he. How DARE HE! 😡 How would you feel if someone called your kid a liar? That's the outrage you should feel at him saying that to you, not rolling over as if you have to 'prove him wrong', like he's the boss of you...

If someone tells you they're 'too nice', they are invariably a nasty piece of work in some way...

Enjoy your Easter as a free woman! And look after yourself!

OP this is so bloody awful. I hope to god he doesn't bother you again.
Ring doorbell and personal alarm plus letting the police know so it's been recorded are all good ideas.
Close shave I think!
Take care x

Seems he has a problem with boundaries. Ultimately if it doesn't feel right, then it doesn't feel right and you have done the right thing.

Thankfully the kids will not be around this weekend if he kicks off. Just make sure you keep the door locked and do not answer the door to unexpected visitors, unless of course you have a door camera, in which case it maybe worth opening the door to tell him that it is over (he may not stop until he gets to speak to you) but keep the chain on, and record the conversation be it on your door camera or phone.

Tell him straight, its not a negotiation, you have made your decision. If he asks why, explain he doesn't understand boundaries and you have already given him the benefit of the doubt previously when you have pulled him up on this previously and so now that's the end. Tell him to respect your decision and privacy and close the door. Do not block him, just mute his calls and text because if he continues, you will need all communications to show how he is behaving and that you have valid concerns.

If you do not want to answer the door to him, write all the above down in a letter and when he starts knocking, still record it but post the letter through the letterbox to him so he gets it outside. Then leave him to chunter.