AIBU - mini eggs and mum

[Housemovehopeful2024]

My daughter is almost 7. I am not a fan of her having mini eggs due to the risk of choking (not precious about other chocolate or sweets - it’s just the risk of choking I’m worried about). I have told my mum this but despite that and reminding her, she seems to repeatedly give them to her. One week it’ll be a chocolate yogurt with mini eggs, the next week mini egg cakes (only one egg per cake so perhaps less of an issue?) or a small egg with mini eggs in. This week, they made Easter cakes with the smarties equivalent of mini eggs (still the same size and shape). AIBU to be irked by this or am I being too precious?

YABU - stop being so pernickety
YANBU - mini eggs are a hazard and in any event she should listen to your wishes

Possibly she thinks that it’s a totally pointless/unreasonable rule* and she sees her role as grandma being to be the one who gets to break the pointless rules (as most grandparents do) to develop her own relationship with her DGC that isn’t simply about doing as she’s told.

*pointless as a hardline, never ever do it thing, not necessarily as a not something we do everyday rule.

How long are you not going to take the risk for? At 6 your DC is still at more risk of fatal chocking. But 7 year olds aren’t at more risk than older children. Are you banning mini eggs until they’re adults? Have you considered the impact of highlighting tiny risks on their mental health?

I remember reading a while back about a girl aged around 7 choking on a grape and she sadly died. I didn't allow my son to have whole grapes until he was around 10. Not bothered who thinks that's OTT.

@Heynow87 I cannot think of how to write this without sounding patronising, I do mean this kindly.

If your 7 yr old DC is "prone to choking" (or at least gagging) to this extent, then maybe they need to be seen by a medical professional.

@Housemovehopeful2024 Whilst I do think that your mother should respect your wishes, you do need to think about whether your concerns are keeping your child safe.

You cannot oversee food offered at school, playdates or parties. It never crossed my mind to not offer certain foods or continue cutting up foods for my DC or their friends from 5yrs+, so it is something to bear in mind when your DD eats anywhere other than home.

OP. This is silly and irrational. The likelihood of choking on a mini egg is so tiny ... If you're feeling nervous about this remote possibility, then I suggest a) doing a good course on infant first aid and resuscitation, b) supervising your child while she eats and c) reminding yourself, with verified data if necessary, how unlikely this sort of accident actually is.

If all else fails, Waitrose had little boxes of teeny weeny mini eggs (Waitrose own brand, not Cadbury) which look like mini eggs but are so small they probably wouldn't choke a hamster. I think they're intended as Easter cake toppings but dear god they were cute. Get those.

Have to say it wouldn't be my first choice for my 6yr old either - there are so many other options that don't pose as much of a choking risk.
As others have said, regardless of her thoughts on the matter, it's the undermining and going against your wishes that would get me!

It’s the fact you told her not to give her them, she should have listened and did what you asked, regardless of what it was

I think there is a very natural point where reasonable caring grandparents who think their kids have turned into paranoid anxious parents allow some things they know the parent wouldn’t like because they think it’s healthy and balanced for the kids, and that’s not the same as grandparents steamrolling over your boundaries.
your mum says she makes sure your dc crunches it- that’s a responsible approach to teaching a 7yo safe behaviours, and far better than saying a 7yo can’t have mini eggs which is frankly unreasonable. I have a 7yo and am generally a fairly strict parent in lots of ways.

however there seem to be a lot of chocolates and perhaps too much junk food in your child’s interaction with gps which would make me unhappy if it’s regular.

I think you are getting odd poll results because you asked a combined question.
I think you are completely OTT to be saying no to mini eggs because of a choking risk. So I said yabu. But I do think your mum should either do what you ask, or have a conversation if she too thinks you are mildly crazy rather than just ignore you.

Idk, reasonable request or not (and you know your kid best. Mine is fine with mini eggs, but has a classmate who is constantly being sent to the school nurse for choking at snack time), you set a clear boundary, a your mum is ignoring it. Whether it’s mini eggs, no car seat for a short ride, don’t worry about your helmet, or whatever you’re being told you’re being too much about, your kid is watching and learning about what boundaries mean. At the very least have a conversation with your kid about why you make decisions to keep her safe and what it means when people ignore them.

When I did my most recent first aid course, the instructor said the worst food for choking is marshmallows because they are so soft and sticky that you can't dislodge it, unlike some solid items where (if you're lucky) some decent coughing, back slaps or thrusts will clear it out. She told us a particularly harrowing story of a child who had died in a cafe from choking on marshmallow (instructor worked for the ambulance service). Never let my DC have it since then and I'm not usually one to be anxious about that sort of thing!

@Lmnop22 People with teeth can choke, hope this helps

That’s very correct. Over the decades, I’ve treated adults with no special needs, who have choked on a range of foods, that are common everyday foods e.g. marshmallows, macadamia nut. Occasionally, someone even dies. Do we ban marshmallows and macadamia’s? Or, do we ban them until kids are 18yo and can make up their own mind re risk? There has to be a point where people are proficient enough eaters, special needs aside, where we take the risk with foods surely or are you advocating people cutting up grapes for teenagers like some in here have said they do?

I’ve also had people die while walking down footpaths minding their business, being hit by random out of control cars and heaps of other random freaky stuff. It didn’t stop myself or letting my kids walk on footpaths as surely it’s a risk assessment. Probably the same with kids and food, up to each parent to determine when their kids are proficient enough at using their teeth and chewing* rather than using the line ‘if they have teeth they can choke’, which is what is likely leading to people cutting up grapes for teens and probably not daring to give them entire sausages.

*Not sure movement has much to do with it, as while we initially teach children to sit still while they eat, when you think about it, as older kids, teens and adults we all chew just fine while walking about, not many people ‘have’ to stay still to eat safely, again special needs excepted.

Our health visitor services go up to 19!

You are not being unreasonable at all. Grapes, cherry tomatoes, sausages, marshmallows and hard sweets like mini eggs or boiled sweets are the biggest risks for children choking. I would say no to then being given generally ( or in the case of sausa/ grape/ c toms to be cut long ways or quartered)
I would ask your mum why she repeatedly ignores your request (to do it so often seems like a defiance)
At home I would teach your dd to eat these things safely ie not running around , chewing correctly. So if she is given them out and about she knows what to do.

Given some of the replies on here I amazed some of you leave the house, Christ.

I’ve seen a 7 year old choke on a skittle before. We tend to avoid hard round sweets completely as they’re terrible for teeth. Absolutely no issue to choose some other sweet treat instead.

As a grandmother, I would never ignore a specific request from my adult children about what I give my grandchildren. Even if I disagree, they aren't my children and I follow their parents' rules.

There are other treats that your mum could give to your daughter that aren't a choking risk but she continues to deliberately ignore your wishes. Is she difficult in other ways?

She can’t supervise her child when she’s eating mini eggs, it’s when she’s with her grandmother.

That’s the issue.

”if all else fails, get Waitrose mini eggs” that again is down to the GM, but there is of course options if 1000s of other sweet types in between.

The GM is being obtuse by specifically choosing mini eggs.

I think it’s 3 and under mini eggs aren’t recommended for.
I think it’s going to be really hard keeping your DC from eating them, didn’t they have any at school up until this point? In R/KS1 at my kids school they have an Easter party on last day before the holidays and they have mini eggs on chocolate nests. Most of the teachers will give them something before the Easter holidays - we’ve had mini sweet cones featuring mini eggs before. They’re just so common this time of year and must be very difficult to avoid them,

It’s a pointless rule, they’re no more a choking risk for a 7 year old than they are an adult. Grandparents are supposed to break silly rules parents have. It’s also an unusual thing for a 7 year old to never had, so benefits your DC in that way giving her more reference points. It’s harmless and your DC will remember it fondly (and wonder why you were so OTT on it!). Just let it go. I say this as someone who is very paranoid about choking and cuts grapes in half until they’ve turned 10!! Well over the 8 guidelines.
Maybe just say she has to eat them sitting down and eat one at a time.

I disagree about mini eggs being particularly dangerous at age 7, but your mum is unreasonable to not follow your instructions. She's had her time to make parenting decisions, and it's over. She's being pathetic about it, sneaking them in every week just to piss you off.

Re: choking risk, mini eggs are different to grapes because they have a sugar coating that melts in the mouth/throat and lubricates the egg if it gets stuck. Grapes and cherry tomatoes don't have this, so when they get stuck it's extremely dangerous as there is no lubrication to assist in getting them out.

Literally not what a single poster said.

Not reasonable at all for your mum to disregard what you've said, regardless of what she thinks.

Personally yes, I'd give mini eggs to a 7 year old.

But we are all different as parents in what we are OK with, and what you say goes at the end of the day. It's a lack of respect from your mum.

Is your mum looking after her for you? That's massively relevant to how much you should micromanage.

Could you ask your mum to cut them in half? Though I’m not even sure that’s doable.
Your mum should be respecting your decision though. Does she often ignore you?

Your mum should respect you.
But a 7 year old has a mature swallow, so she has the same choking risk as an adult.
Are you anxious about her generally or just a choking thing?
I have a colleague who is terrified of her children vomiting and used to limit different foods due to this.