Anyone else find self care totally tedious?

[binnibonnieboo]

So much stuff needs doing just to keep ourselves going. Shower, wash hair, brush teeth, dry self, put on clean clothes. Every single day except maybe for hair washing. What a pain. I don't even wear make up or bother moisturising, but still find it so tedious. That's before we even do the feeding our bodies bit!

I always brush my teeth every day, I just don't like doing it

But who really likes doing it? It's something that just has to be done. It takes 5 minutes.

Twice a day 🙂

Once a day

I blame Sabrina the teenage witch, giving us all false hope of snapping our fingers and being ready

YES - unrealistic expectations right there

I thought the same ...'personal displays of affection' didnt seem to be in context, so i googled it...and i tthink this is what it means..

pda autism meaning

+8

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), or PDA autism, is an autism profile characterized by an anxiety-driven, overwhelming need to control situations and avoid everyday demands. Often called a "persistent drive for autonomy," it involves extreme resistance to both external requests and internal needs, often using social strategies to cope.
National Autistic Society +5
Key Characteristics and Usage Examples
PDA is not a diagnosis, but a recognized, non-clinical profile within the autism spectrum
. Common examples include:
National Autistic Society +1
Extreme Demand Avoidance: Refusing to do daily tasks like brushing teeth, eating, or attending school/work, even when they are enjoyable activities.
Need for Control: Using social maneuvering, distractions, or "bossy" behavior to manage situations.
Anxiety-Driven Response: The avoidance is not intentional defiance but a nervous system reaction to perceived threats to autonomy.
Internal Demands: Difficulty, for example, feeling hungry and not being able to force oneself to eat.
National Autistic Society +5
Synonyms and Alternative Terms
Extreme Demand Avoidance (EDA): A frequently used, less stigmatizing term focusing on the behavior rather than the word "pathological".
Persistent Drive for Autonomy: A reframed, strengths-based term emphasizing the underlying need for control.
Anxiety-Driven Need for Control: A phrase often used to explain the underlying mechanism.
Just One Norfolk +4
Support Approaches
Traditional behavioral methods (rewards/punishments) often fail, as they increase anxiety. Supportive approaches include:
Psychology Today
Reducing demands and using collaboration.
Offering choices and using creative, indirect communication.
Prioritizing the relationship over compliance.
National Autistic Society +4

What Does Pathological Demand Avoidance Look Like in Adults?
The diagnosis is more recognized in the United Kingdom than in the United States. For children, PDA is characterized by saying "no" to demands, even to things t...

Psychology Today

Demand avoidance
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a term that describes a persistent and marked resistance to demands. It's not a diagnosable condition, but some people ar...

National Autistic Society

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) - Just One Norfolk
Save Page. Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is a profile of autism, which means that a child or young person may be diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder...

Just One Norfolk

What is PDA?
What is PDA? What is PDA? The term PDA stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance. This is widely understood to be a profile found within some autistic people. Th...

PDA Society

What is PDA Autism? | Oxford CBT
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a profile within the autism spectrum that's characterized by an extreme need to control situations and avoid everyday dem...

Oxford CBT

An Introduction to Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
British psychologist Elizabeth Newson came up with this term which describes an anxiety-driven need to be in control and avoid other people's demands and expect...

Autism Awareness Centre Inc.

Child Development Team - East Sussex Healthcare NHS Trust
Demand avoidance and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) With PDA, these same types of demands or situations may be avoided for the same. reasons. However, path...

East Sussex Healthcare NHS Trust

13:39

PDA Autism (Pathological Demand Avoidance): Why It's Not Defiance ...

YouTube·DrThatcherPsychTalks

What Is Pathological Demand Avoidance?
Since more awareness is being built about PDA, many advocates have started to reclaim the term by calling it the “persistent drive for autonomy” instead. A pers...

Psychology Today

PDA in Autism: Signs and Strategies That Work
In a recent interview with BCBA Amelia Dalphonse, she described PDA ( Pathological Demand Avoidance ) as “a persistent drive for autonomy,” emphasizing that it'

Dr. Mary Barbera

PDA in Autistic Adults – Attwood & Garnett Events
Strategies for PDA Many strategies to cope with PDA in children will also apply to adults. This includes giving the person options and choices rather than direc...

Attwood & Garnett Events

This is for informational purposes only. For medical advice or a diagnosis, consult a professional. AI responses may include mistakes. <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?q=support.google.com/websearch%3Fp%3Dai_overviews%26hl%3Den-GB&sa=U&sqi=2&ved=2ahUKEwj1muX8zcuTAxU2dUEAHQ9vORIQhY8MegUIxQEQAA&usg=AOvVaw3gH9BPQgBcVxyKqhjvgpvG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Learn more

I hear you. I've got showering down to every second day unless I'm really sweaty. Hairwashing every 7 or 8 days. It's very dry so actually looks better after about 4 days.

I don't mind skincare as I can read whilst I'm doing it! I like brushing my teeth as I feel fresh and shiny afterwards. And I positively enjoy putting on make up - it's like painting or drawing because you can see the transformation as you do it. It's creative. Sometimes when I'm home alone in my pjs I'll put a little makeup on just for the pleasure of seeing the change.

I figured it was a combination of sensory issues and also finding routine in general exceptionally boring.

Not sure why some people are talking about PDA or depression. In my family it’s completely normal to hate all that stuff. We’re all active and love the outdoors and being in nature. We’re upbeat positive people, just a little scruffy.

I like skincare, but I hate getting out of the shower. The feel of a towel makes my skin crawl.

All those things you mentioned take only minutes OP. I only wash my hair once a week and it couldn't be easier (it's short, no styling required) and I don't wear make up. Everything else is just normal routine, and so easy to do. Spending the day working was the hard part of life.

People shower twice a day? Why?!

For me it's once in the morning after I exercise.

If I'm not washing my hair, a shower takes 1 minute tops. Bits and pits. Out.

I only wash my face when I've been wearing makeup. No skin care routine other than moisturiser with factor 30 in.

My colleague said she loves nothing more than a long hot shower. I get zero excitement about hot showers! I mean why?

I'd also quite like it if my hair stopped growing and I could stop the hairdresser too. And if nails stayed nice without having to trim the raffedy cuticles.

I'm not depressed either, it's just all such a faff.. also see eating and tracking protein as a menopausal woman.

I do the exercise though. Love that part.

I find baths way easier than showers - baths relax me whereas showers are very hard work. Spending time working out the best cosmetics for your skin is good too - it saves a lot of time if your products work!

I will tell my colleagues I haven't had a shower and also won't be going in today because I've decided to sow seeds and bake cakes....
Part of the reason showering etc is so tedious is precisely because we can't usually just say 'fuck it' and not bother!

To me there are two tedious daily chores: deciding what to wear and deciding what to eat

I feel the same. I don't enjoy the process at all but I also don't like to feel unclean. I don't think I meet threshold for diagnosis but I would put this specific issue down to neurodiverse traits. There are always better things to do be doing, showering and drying is so dull (adhd). The sensory side, being cold and wet, is not enjoyable and the process of choosing which clothes to wear afterwards can be anxiety provoking (autism).

Yes, I find it incredibly tedious (especially the nighttime routine) and always walk around the house huffing and puffing.
Mine involves a shower, make up removal, brushing teeth and using THREE different types of floss/interdental brushes as I have metal fixed retainers so have to use different types, before putting my removable retainers in. Then I have to moisturise my body before doing my stretches, taking my supplements, doing my skincare (albeit I keep it all in a drawer next to the bed so I do that whilst reading). Don’t even get me started on hair washing. Despite having fine hair that I can blow dry in five minutes, I still hate it.

Also not depressed, go to the gym three times a week, work full time in London etc. It’s just all so time consuming and irritating!

And, yes, I do have to do these things as I have a bad back, don’t want my teeth to fall out and I want good skin in my old age 😃

Yes and the thought of 'pampering' is just awful. Nails, face masks etc.

I’d outsource all of it if I could.

Saying that, I have a 380 days streak on Finch and has been surprisingly helpful lol. I’d recommend it to anyone.

@Moveyourbleedingarse I shower twice a day most days. In the morning to wake myself up and then before bed. Or right after work if it’s a Friday.

Jumping automatically to depression is a bit much.

Humans vary and not feeling the same way you do doesn't automatically mean someone is depressed!

@canisquaeso but it's the having to put moisturiser on afterwards and hang the towel and squeegee the shower screen and open the window and then yet another pair of pants etc! The admin!

If you’re privileged enough to reach old age and your body slows down and you can’t move around as well as you used to, you might look back and yearn for the days when you could manage your self care independently.

I am so bored of having to put make up on every day and find it so bloody dull, however I look revolting without it so I can’t really get out of it, especially if I’m going into the office or out in public.

Shudder.

It’s the Lidl version - Dovid Bawie.