Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

[Unsurree]

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

@Hoolieghoul how would you go crabbing?

Why should he though? He’s a grown man with a job. If someone spoke to you like you were a 3yo, would you really thank them and explain that you don’t want to do it at the moment but…

He doesn’t need reminding. He would be getting filthy again anyway and presumably he can be trusted not to put his hands in his mouth! As for the child, presumably she wasn’t handling the bacon and the DH wasn’t going to put his hands in the child’s mouth.

The fact that OP said he’s been like this a lot lately makes me wonder if she makes a habit of speaking to him like that.

I can imagine being annoyed at being told to wash my hands mid-activity. As others have said, crabbing is altogether a bit of a dirty activity, you'll potentially be touching the crabs, sea water etc, so you are just careful not to eat or touch your mouth during it, and then wash your hands at the end.

More than that seems overkill.

But regardless, it's probably much more about the WAY it was said. That's usually the case. None of us were there, so we don't know how you spoke to him, but clearly it felt rude to him.

What you do now depends on whether you want to be right, or happy. If you want to be right, keep insisting that you are, and that he was wrong to get upset. If you want to be happy, maybe listen to his point of view and consider whether he may have had a point regarding the way you spoke to him.

Sounds like he was lining up for a fun activity.
He should not have stormed off, but that sort of prissy, joyless behaviour would make a big dent in my day too.

How would you have responded If he had gone to the pub and then came back and said “When you asked me to wash my hands in the pub, I felt patronised, I think it is absolute overkill, and it really spoiled my day. Can I ask that you don’t interfere in me and DD having fun for something I feel is prissy nonsense”

I wouldn't because I'm a vegetarian and an animal lover, but if I had touched raw bacon and was then going to be holding my 3yo's hands and potentially touching a whole host of other things too, I'd wash my hands before and after the activity.

That’s why they are called ‘opinions’ - in fact PP did actually mention that it was their opinion

Yes he needed to wash his hands but a rinse in the water and hand sanitiser would have sufficed.
The stroping and insults is very unattractive

It's not hygienic to touch raw bacon and not wash your hands. I always used cooked bacon or ham for crabbing. Never thought of using raw bacon

Hand sanitiser doesn’t emulsify fats, so wouldn’t be as effective as hand washing. Soap and water lifts matter off of your hands and then of course the water sends it down the drain. After handling a high risk item (raw meat) I just would not want to risk it in this scenario for the 3yo alone really! The pub aspect - could maybe have popped for a cheeky one after hehe perfect excuse!

I don’t think I should respond well to another adult telling me to wash my hands, either.

Sea water possibly handling crabs it’s a dirty germ ridden activity
I’d ideally wash my hand at the end if that wasn’t possible I’d just make sure I washed them before I’d eat or drink anything
tbh it just seems an unnecessary interaction
it would of pissed me off

All sounds annoying as fuck

They're literally handling sea water which is full of shit. Washing after the bacon is pointless.

If that kid is over protected like this, s/he will get every bug going on the planet Earth. I'm telling ya, build up their immunity FGS.

I think I'm sympathetic to DH. I'd storm off too.

Bring some anti covid juice or hand wipes every time you go out from now on, or else!

Sex round at yours must be fun

Everytime the bag comes up he's on close contact with the sea water and raw meat. None of this makes sense. Using the pub toilet is also a piss take. If you're that bothered, take wipes. Clearly he isn't bothered and doesn't appreciate being mothered.

Plus, the whole exercise was about dipping a bucket into the sea, which is full of fish poo. And then hauling it out and poking crabs, which scavenge dead stuff from the bottom of the fish-poo-filled sea.

There's a cognitive dissonance going on here.

Laugh reaction needs to come back.

It’s just risk mitigation that’s all :) I’d also expect everyone to wash their hands after faffing with the activity too.
Providing OP didn’t ask in a horrible way, even if the husband didn’t agree that it was necessary, to make OP comfortable he could have just done it without beefing. Everyone’s day goes nicer then doesn’t it - no domestic and a risk reduction! Just a nice way to show their feelings have been considered.

Surely you'd just take care and give hands and the equipment a good wash at the end. Otherwise, you'd need to wash your hands each time you reloaded or found a crab etc.

What a pair you make.
As an aside, my dad used to eat raw bacon. I don’t think that was what killed him.

Eww. The comments on here tell you all that you need to know about the disgusting hygiene standards some people have. I'd never dream of handling raw meat without immediately cleaning it off. Absolutely vile.

That being said, randomly sending him to the pub was a bit shit. You should have probably been prepared with some wipes or sanitiser.

If you don't want her exposed, don't take her crab fishing using raw bacon as bait in shit filled UK waters.

I would have thought you over the top too, but simply said no to your demand. Why weren't you baiting the nets and going off to the pub to wash your hands instead of enjoying the experience with your 3 year old?

How do people not know: no, don't eat raw bacon. It is not the same as prosciutto etc 🤦‍♀️

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/the-horrifying-reason-why-you-should-never-eat-undercooked-bacon_uk_65f42f74e4b08b384f1afab3/

If only it was just fish poo.