Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

[Unsurree]

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

@LittleMyLabyrinth but then they will get dirty when you are crabbing. How often do you have to wash your hands. And if the pub was not nearby, how far do you have to walk?

And if it was just adults, who are responsible for themselves I may agree but he is fishing with his 3yr old, so best to minimise issues by washing his hands now. Because...guess what, he can wash them again later after he has finished crabbing.

I think both of you are the issue and clearly have an unhealthy dynamic. He doesn't think "I've touched raw meat, what will I do about this, especially with a small child here" and you treat him like another child "time to wash your hands!"
I'd not boss my dh around like that, it wouldn't cross my mind to tell him what to do.
Hygiene wise, tbh if you've got your hands in British rivers you're likely touching raw sewage so probably the bacon is least of your worries. However, I'd probably have rinsed or wiped them. If dh didn't I might say"do you reckon our hands are ok" but it's not my job to manage his personal hygiene. I also don't suggest when he goes to the loo, or what time he gets up, or whether he should clean up after himself (because he already does) or how he parents - because he's a grown adult who makes grown adult decisions for the benefit of our family and if we disagree we discuss it as equals. It sounds like your dh doesn't make those grown adult decisions, you then take the place of default "adult" and he takes the role of "child" which comes out as a grumpy teenager, huffing at you. That dynamic is not the route to a happy marriage, he'll take less and less responsibility, you'll take on more, he'll react more grumpily to being told what to do etc etc. Work out how you can both sit in your adult, sometimes that'll mean he makes a choice you don't agree with, that's for him to make and for him to deal with.

But, she is over the top and crazy

This! And thanks to Tartyflette for saying it waaay more politely than I might have.

Washing the hands is only part of it. It’s the OP speaking to her husband like he is 3 that a lot of people have issue with.

I wouldn’t have thought there will be a next time.

You don’t tell another person to wash their hands as if they are a toddler.

If I were him, I wouldn’t be going again.

You saying “there are lots of moments like this”, I am guessing he’d say the same thing about you. Bacon ca be eaten raw, there isn’t anything you can get ill from. He is missing part of the experience because you have an issue. You’d have to touch any crabs and the nets after. Washing hands at the end fair enough but not after that.

Do you have health anxiety or emetophobia?

Were you at the sea side already? I mean yeah it's a little controlling but his reaction is immature

Why do you think she spoke to him like a child? She prompted him to do something he should have done automatically

We've all established that only an idiot would go to.waah their hands before the completion of the activity.

I’m rather surprised that the parent of a three year old - we all know how mucky kids can get - didn’t have a pack of baby wipes to hand and offer one to DH to wipes the traces of cured bacon fat off his fingers.

Is animal cruelty an activity now?

to me the husband huffed off not because of this but because this isn’t the first or last time something like this has happened.

He is an adult. He does not need his wife to tell him what to do.

Yes didn’t you know children love crabbing - it’s fun!! 🤩

he clearly doesn’t feel as you do and that’s understandable - he’s an adult and ca decide the risk of not washing his hands for himself

This!

They were messing around in the sea - hands can be washed after you’ve finished - no point in washing half way through

You're crabbing not cooking - YABU. If it was my DH he would have stuck his hands in the water and then dried them on his jeans..... and then laughed at me as I would call him a yokel.

That was my first thought. Great minds think alike!

You're quite rude really. And you haven't answered my question,yet quoted me in it to answer, besides you don't wait until the end anyway, you clean as you go to stop cross contamination.... But whatever

They are outside and will be getting other filthy stuff on their hands. The bacon is only one element - he is going to be handling nets, crabs and shitty water.

Perhaps you could clarify how often he needs to wash his hands during a dirty activity - so far none of you who think he should have washed his hands regularly seem to be able to answer how often?

It’s not the sea - so that wasn’t an option. The OP who appears to be a bit precious about hygiene didn’t bother taking wipes, instead she spoke to her husband like he was a toddler and expected him to wash his hands in the pub (obvs without buying anything).

Does your husband not mind being treated like a child reminded? Each to their own and all that but the first time my partner ‘reminded’ me to do something like that would be the last time.

Mum was also there to stop those five minutes from being a fun free zone? And yes he's an adult, but when you're parents you decide what's in the best interests of your children together, so yes mum gets a say. If they disagree on hygiene that's fine, but they both need to work out a compromise together, not squabble in front of the child.