Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

[Unsurree]

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

We live near an estuary so have been crabbing loads of times when the kids were young and can’t remember ever going to wash our hands and we’ve all lived to tell the tale without so much as a gippy tummy. There’s far worse things coming out of the estuary than a bit of smoked bacon

If you were crabbing in the sea, I think the bacon is the least of your worries to be honest

I think washing his hands in the sea for now, and giving them a proper wash before handling food, would have been fine. Calling a halt to the fun and sending him off to wash his hands was probably not necessary and I can understand him being a bit grumpy, especially when as soon as he gets back he will get his hands covered again in germs from the beach, crabs, bits of left over bacon grease and a million other contaminants and have to wash them again before eating.

To be honest, bacon or not, you all should have traipsed over to the pub and washed your hands before touching food anyway, or else washed your hands in the sea and then used hand sanitiser which in that case would do for all of you.

I am genuinely worried about the number of people who think bacon can be eaten raw! 🤢 No, YANBU! He sounds gross.

So many people with low standards on here!

This

and he is an adult!

if your fishing in the sea - jus wash at the end

I think your unreasonable for using bacon for crabbing!

So they should all have used the pub facilities without buying anything?

I see your point, but I don't have a big issue with that.

By making its facilities available, the pub will attract additional custom. I don't think this makes it inevitable that everyone using the toilet must buy something.

However, yes, in the scheme of things, a quick pint while OP's DH was "washing his hands" would seem appropriate.

Error

Tell that to the pubs who are sick of cheeky fuckers coming in to use the toilets and then buggering off. Spoiler alert - it doesn’t necessarily mean increased custom, just the facilities being used by people who won’t buy a drink. A lot of places won’t let you do it.

Even 20 years ago when I worked in a cinema we were not allowed to let people use the facilities unless they had a ticket.

For crabbing, it’s better to use chunks of smelt, than bacon.

The use of baby wipes and anti bacterial gel would have been better!

Thanks to sewer overflows discharging raw sewage into the sea, you should use anti bacterial gel after touching the net etc…. If you a bring super careful about germs!

So how often should you wash your hands during a crab fishing expedition? Given that your hands are going to be dirty for the whole time.

I’d be more worried about the raw sewage in the sea than the raw bacon! If your daughter isn’t old enough to understand not to put her hands in or near her mouth until the crabbing is finished and her hands have been washed then she’s probably too young for crabbing.

I doubt it will be an issue in the future as I dont imagine the DH will want to do something as fun as crab fishing in case he gets told off

OP said that they were relatively local, so perhaps the landlord knew them by sight? I don't know. As I said in my original post, I would have gone with everyone washing their hands in the sea and then using hand sanitiser. I was actually on team DH.

To be honest, if it was me I would probably have just gone with me and my own kids just washing our hands in the sea but I included the reference to hand sanitiser for the "health and safety" contingent.

As someone who is a keen angler, people underestimate the impacts of sewage into our rivers and seas, and how ill it can make adults and children.

I think that people are quite blasé about the potential health risks, and if the Husband watched ‘A dirty business’ he might be more understanding about handwashing

Have you ever been crabbing??
You'd be washing your hands constantly!

I always carry wipes - rarely need them and I know they[re not environmentally friendly but they are very useful for things like this. To be fair, him touching bacon probably wouldn't bother me. How many surfaces would he touch anyway on his way to the pub loo?

How on earth did you envisage crabbing to go?

Bait crab net - go in pub wash hands - haul in crab net - go in pub and wash hands - remove crabs from crab net - go in pub and wash hands - bait crab net... etc?

Crabbing is a mucky job, the water, the mud, the crabs, the bait - take wet wipes, remind your child NOT to put her hands in her mouth (which you should be doing anyway). It really is not practical to thoroughly wash your hands between each step, just wash them before you eat.

What a lot of fuss - couldn't he just wipe his hands on a tissue until you got home?

It's not the hygiene thing that's annoying him it's the micromanaging. If you're making him go to the pub at least tell him to stop and have a pint while he's there!

Parental anxiety about dirt and germs is bad for kids - but it's tricky because it's easy to believe that we are the careful, conscientious parent and the other one is sloppy. Most people who are unreasonable, or anxious, will be able to justify their beliefs and will maintain that they're correct, so it's great that you are actually asking AIBU about this and looking for other perspectives.

I wonder if this is just one in a long line of situations where you've been anxious about germs and told him how you want him to parent your child? Forgive me if it's not, but worth considering. If he thinks you're OTT about hygiene, he may feel this is bad for your daughter at well as bad for him. I certainly think this was OTT ; wash hands before preparing food or eating, but pointless in the middle of crab fishing, or any other outdoor activity. In terms of risk this is nowhere near handling raw chicken.
This article is worth a read... www.drpsychmom.com/is-your-anxiety-hurting-your-child/

Im hypervigulant about hand washing when touching raw meat.
I would have taken wipes/hand sanitiser for everyone.
Had it been cooked I wouldn't have been bothered so much.
Yanbu, but I don't know your tone or whether you usually have to tell your husband how to keep clean

Properly cured bacon is perfectly safe to eat raw. I work on a farm with an onsite butchery.