AIBU to be baffled by colleague on same wage living lavishly?

[Cherryred2]

AIBU to think that some people are so unaffected by the COL and to find it strange. A woman at work is just living a life that seems so alien to me and the others. She is just back from a weekend in London (not for any reason), went to a show, had dinners, shopping spree etc. last year bought a new house and a new car!! Is doing a Disney Paris and Paris holiday this summer! Is going on another trip to Budapest with her sister,spa weekend with her mum and sister, a few days to Rome with her DS because “he loves history and would love to see the colleseum and is thinking of where to go with her dd because she has to make it fair. I asked her if she had plans this weekend and they were out for dinner Friday night and Saturday night for two different celebrations. I’m constantly thinking WTF! The crazy thing is we earn the same which is approximately 50k, I mentioned a credit card last year and she said “oh no I don’t do credit cards, never had one, I hate them, I’m so fearful of debt, mortgage is my only debt and I overpay on that!” I’m baffled!

Just throwing this in the mix because I've personally known it happen three times over two different jobs. First time, chap with non working wife lets it be known child now at private school, everyone quite surprised and wondered how he could afford it, along with the holidays abroad and weekends away. Turns out he was diddling our clients, suspended sentence. Second time, same job, admin girl planning big holiday for her, husband and two kids to US, staying at Disney. We all raised eyebrows again. She was accepting cash payments and keeping them. She got fined - and then got a job in a bank! Third one was the biggest. Started same day as me, always little digs that I was on a higher salary as she thought her job was more important. Talked incessantly about money, kid at private school, fancy all inclusive holidays. I left and was then told she'd been making up clients and taking out loans for them that got paid into the same account her salary went into. Got 3 years as it was a substantial amount. Hope your co-worker isn't up to anything like that!

I know people who have ‘private income’ e.g. family business or trust, inheritance received as a child that’s in a fund or similar. My DSSs all benefit from such an income and their very comfortable lifestyles certainly don’t match what people would think by the modest salaries that their respective jobs pay. My XH’s family had a firm that was very successful so although he was really a Director in name only, and only turned up for the Annual Board meeting, his shares meant that he received fat dividends a couple of times a year.

Gosh, there could be so many reasons for this you can't begin to count. Parents, partner, savings, access to special discounts...

However, I understand from your post you are outside London. Outside London you can have a pretty comfortable life on that salary if you are not the sole earner.

Thinking about where I work, non-managerial employees make around 35-40k. From my immediate team, 4-6 holidays a year is not uncommon, owning multiple properties as a couple is not uncommon, several meals out per week is not uncommon, including fine dining ones. A few people have brand new SUVs or EVs. However, there are also a few people that barely make ends meet, e.g. adult mums who live with their parents with their kids etc.

Personally I live like the work colleague you mentioned but I tend to be discreet about it as I realise that many people feel under pressure, and just not talk about my private life much to avoid this kind of comparison.

For every person that boasts about their amazing life, I would willing to bet that that there are at least three times as many, that keep their private business just that - private!
It is also pretty crass to envy someone who inherited money. Spectators can be so jealous of their lack of financial stress that they forget that they lost someone to gain that inheritance.
Comparison IS the thief of joy - they do not owe you an explanation.

Agreed! OP, does the snow melt on her roof faster than you can say “Weed”?

Or it’s the only roof where all the pigeons line up for a bit of warmth?

Isn’t that hard tbh. Keep your debt low or don’t have it at all. Car via work scheme.
last year I did 2 hols to Italy via wowcher. Trip to Paris and saw an amazing show my bf paid for it for my birthday. Took my daughter to Paris Disney for her birthday and did a day in actual Paris again via wowcher I went to Devon as well.

this year I’m going to Greece x2 going to Ireland next week and I’m querying whether i could afford to go abroad for Xmas I earn 40k and I am a single income house with 2 kids. It’s rather cheap to go to Rome on wowcher especially if your only taking one child I really want to go with my eldest dd aged 16 but my 11 year old won’t accept that because the 16 year old will be adamant she goes to London in august when I take the youngest to see stranger things so I can’t go to Rome

I could have been her. I had a low paid admin job in a school (so I was off with DC in the holidays). I didn't need to work because DH was earning v good money at the time. We lived well and really didn't need my salary but I liked to work. I would save my earnings and at the end of the year I'd treat me and DC to a sunshine holiday and the rest would go towards paying down the mortgage.

I remember envying a colleague her lifestyle - she could afford more than me (who also had a small child at the time) because her MIL was basically providing free childcare.

You don’t know how much her partner earns, if she fully owns a property with no mortgagee, if she has family money inherited. Good on her! Let her enjoy! Some people choose to spend and enjoy and others not! I have a friend who is a multimillionaire and she always complains everything is expensive. This is what drives me mad to be honest!

Me and my husband don't make much more than 50k, combined. Last year we had 4 foreign holidays, including Rome. We just booked cheap flights and accommodation. In 2024 we took 2 foreign holidays (1st was a week 2nd was 10 days) plus 2 uk holidays. This year, I'm on maternity leave but we've already had a trip to Iceland and a uk break. We have atleast 1 more foreign holiday (Disneyland Paris) and 1 more UK break planned. Plus we're about to book a ski holiday for next Easter.
If travelling is your thing you make it work. Maybe there's things you spend more on than she does. Maybe her daily living expenses are less than yours, maybe her husband earns more. Is her mum paying for the spa day? Someone else paying for the meals out? Stop comparing and just live your life. If you want to travel more then find cheap flights and accommodation or cut back somewhere else. 50k is a decent salary, depending on where you live. It's higher than the average UK salary, so maybe look at your own expenses and spending habits before worrying about other people's.

50k is a lot though...

Some unexpected reasons for people I know to have a bigger disposable income:

One breeds puppies and sells on pets4homes but doesn't post about it on social media as they don't want judgement
One had a large settlement after having a stillbirth deemed hospital negligence
One had a parent die when they were a child and they had a generous life insurance policy which means they've always been mortgage free
One is mortgage free following a divorce from someone with a lot of family money and large maintenance payments
One bought their house for almost nothing from family

Don't be ridiculous

You earn 50k and are wondering why a colleague can afford things. Give me strength. Neither of you are poor. Mind your own business.

I think it was a joke

A work colleague of mine, who was a junior had a £1m house, far superior to some of the senior colleagues/partners in the firm. Her gran had died leaving her wealthy estate split between her 2 daughters (mum and aunt to my work colleague). Aunt then died. She had no children so left her now very valuable estate to work colleague.

So possible colleague has an inheritance from distant relative (or a lottery win!)

Teehhe 😃

None of your bloody business tbh.

Very high earning husband?

How on earth can you compare someone else’s lifestyle with your own when you don’t know the full facts? Could be her partner is wealthy, inheritance, won money, savings anything and quite frankly it’s really none of your business

Comparison is the thief of joy OP. Focus on enjoying your own life. People who inherit money also usually have suffered a significant loss. Given the choice between having their loved one back or keeping the inheritance most would pick their loved one.

Does this work place have an internal fraud unit? If so, they are seriously slacking! Or possibly also have fantastically expensive lifestyles 👀

Rubbish. I don't earn. I haven't worked since 2007. We're on one income, paid the mortgage off at just turned 41 (me) and just turned 40 (husband), whilst going on several holidays. We've taken the kids to nearly 60 countries, some several times (such as Poland, Indonesia, Malaysia, Uzbekistan, etc.), and to 20 US states (they've been to New York a couple of times). Sometimes I'll go away with my sister to Eastern Europe or Belfast, or Oslo. We use a credit card to pay for flights, then we pay of the balance. No debt, no car finance, nothing bought on the never never. It is possible.

Maybe she got on the property ladder early, or even flipped houses and made a fortune. You just never know. But I have more money than my sister who, with her husband, must earn over twice what we do. Her husband didn't want to buy so they rented for several years. By the time they bought, we'd released some equity to have a 2 storey extension, yet our mortgage was still half of what theirs was. We had a shorter term, overpaid and obviously paid more off the capital and less in compound interest than they have in the same period, so it went down much quicker than theirs has.

There are a lot of variables. But if someone says they are anti-debt then I believe them because I am too.