AIBU to be baffled by colleague on same wage living lavishly?

[Cherryred2]

AIBU to think that some people are so unaffected by the COL and to find it strange. A woman at work is just living a life that seems so alien to me and the others. She is just back from a weekend in London (not for any reason), went to a show, had dinners, shopping spree etc. last year bought a new house and a new car!! Is doing a Disney Paris and Paris holiday this summer! Is going on another trip to Budapest with her sister,spa weekend with her mum and sister, a few days to Rome with her DS because “he loves history and would love to see the colleseum and is thinking of where to go with her dd because she has to make it fair. I asked her if she had plans this weekend and they were out for dinner Friday night and Saturday night for two different celebrations. I’m constantly thinking WTF! The crazy thing is we earn the same which is approximately 50k, I mentioned a credit card last year and she said “oh no I don’t do credit cards, never had one, I hate them, I’m so fearful of debt, mortgage is my only debt and I overpay on that!” I’m baffled!

Try to focus on your own life. Detach from knowing so much about your colleague. Who cares how/why she has funds to do what she does? (as long as it isn't illegal)

Comparing your lifestyle to others just leads to dissatisfaction. Jealousy is never healthy.

I know a couple like this, both in normal jobs. Her a hairdresser and him a delivery driver. Three kids, mortgage etc. yet they are out every weekend, 6 holidays last year, just brought a mobile home at the seaside. Expensive birthday/ Christmas gifts for the kids. It always blew my mind how they managed to live like it until a relative of theirs told me that despite what they said it was all on credit cards and finance etc. its a reminder that was we see on social media is false!

Could be a number of things:

• side business which is very lucrative
• partner or husband being a big earner
• inheritance or ageing parents gifting large sums annually to avoid the 7 year inheritance tax rule
• significant investments that have a big yield
• own a number of BTL properties which bring in a large sum.

I've had a similar conversation with someone at work who didn't understand how I can afford to go on holiday and go to gigs.

I pointed out she regularly goes clothes shopping, drinks with the girls, keeps buying handbags, regularly has her nails/hair/facials etc., done in salons and so on. I don't do any of this.

I said we're probably spending the same amount, just she spends her fun money weekly, whereas I save mine up for bigger less frequent things.

She still wouldn't have it though and is convinced I'm doing something dodgy to earn all this "extra money" 🙄

Just because you earn the same doesn't mean your expenses are the same.

Or she is a prostitute, drug dealer, or thief! Or maybe won big on the lottery (I know someone who did and has a similar lifestyle).

Who knows!

Could also be different spending habits. I never spend on things like nails, botox, fillers, teeth whitening and the rest of it. I hardly ever buy clothes and when I do, they are mostly second hand. I don't drink, or smoke, or go on nights out to gigs or other experiences regularly.

My hobbies are fairly cheap and that leaves me more money for other things.

Assuming she's truthful

It's family money or her husbands salary....

I memorable met a woman who worked at a retreat i went to think EA coordinator type role.
She was dizzy as anything and had all kind of expensive gear and drove a v ooh la la car... I was talking to the owner of the retreat and they mentioned her parents owned a large chain of caravan parks in Wales and worked "for fun"

Nice work if you can get it!

You might be think this if you met my son or his partner 31 & 27
earns around 70 between them
no kids and not having them
beautiful 3 bed house
Car
Lavish holidays abroad
weekends away
meals out
no debt and around 20k in savings

but he had a big inheritance bought his house
& car pretty much outright

I often give them a few hundred quid a month because I can afford to

if he’s got a big car bill say of 1200 I will give him 1k towards it

paid for them to come on holiday with us last year

This!

Why do these threads constantly come up on MN? Do people genuinely find it impossible to grasp that a lot of people aren't 100% reliant on their salaries? They work because it's fulfilling and they had a degree in that field. If anything, many lower earning industries (media, fashion, art, food etc) tend to attract people who are wealthy because they do it for the interest rather than income.

Similarly, most people are married. So their partners could have also built a career parallel to theirs. If one partner's work takes off, then both obviously enjoy the benefits together. Also, the vast majority of people have grandparents and parents. If one passes away, you instantly get a property or lump sum that's more than what you can earn in decades of work.

These threads always reek of jealousy rather than a genuinely wide-eyed bafflement than some people cannot possibly be living a certain way on X-salary per year.

It’s not possible to fund the lifestyle you describe on 50k a year, even with deals and bargain hunting so your colleague clearly has additional income streams. I’m always surprised how much difference parental help makes and how little the people that get it seem to value it.

Yeah she doesn’t really drink, she doesn’t smoke, nor does she do beauty treatments but then again neither do I.
She has both parents and in laws so no inheritances that I know of.

What does her DH/P do for a living? I’d just assume he’s bringing in a lot more money.

On paper you could say this is me and my DH. His work colleges are always asking him when we are off on our next trip and how he affords it etc. He’s a driver. They also know that he makes extra payments to his pension as the accountant/pay roll woman has never had a staff member want to pay more and she told everybody how unusual it was. We own our own property. We go on 1-2 cruises a year for around 21-24 days and I have 1-3 other holidays and breaks away. I drive a nice car and so does he. To lots of people we must look loaded. But we’re aren’t. The property is an ex council house that we got through rtb with max discount. So mortgage is tiny. My car is a mobility car as I’m waiting for joint replacement due to a degenerative auto immune disease that’s eating my joints. Our trips are done on a shoe string budget with the cruises costing £150 a month via direct debit or savings and the other trips are Ryanair/budget hotels and penny pinching. But Peter don’t see that side, they just see that I go away a lot and take amazing photos. I once got a week in Corfu for 4 of us for £68 each with flights/hotel/transfer included. Currently looking at a week in France which is coming in £115 each in June. My. Our joint income is about £55k but in the nw that goes pretty far. Our bills are small and utilities and mortgage maybe £700 a month. I scratch cook everything and bulk buy food and although I wear designer clothes I’ve never paid full price and buy from eBay/vinted. We do our own diy and I won’t pay anybody to do anything that me or my DH can do. The only time we use a credit card is if there is an absolute bargain that’s not in the budget/savings pot and then wet pay out of asap. Got a week cruise for 4 of us to the European Christmas markets 2 years ago for £1290 all inclusive and I wasn’t saying no to that. Was paid within 4 months

Could be another relative without children. DH's cousin ended up inheriting a house from an distant childless aunt, sold it and instantly got £200K to live off. Pretty lucky as he was never able to hold down a job anyway and has alcohol problems.

I earn same as you. I have no childcare costs and I don't have any debts. I am very diligent with my savings and I invested in a holiday property in my early 20s which I sold last year at a considerable profit.
I spend about £300 a month on my hobbies and activities which I could have easily spent on going on holidays and eating out twice a week if that was my jam. Eating out never costed me more than £30 anyway. A main and a couple of non-alcoholic drinks.
I took two trips last year with a friendship group sharing hotel room on one occasion and staying at friend's house in Europe on another. Both trips were under £400.
I don't buy new clothes and I am careful about my bill spending. I bought a new car for cash so no monthly loan repayments on that. I keep the same mobile phone for five+ years and my sim-only contract costs me £12 a month and I only have one streaming subscription.
Last time I bought any tech was a new Mac because my old one died just before Christmas. My old Mac was 12 years old and was repaired twice over the years instead of replacing.

If I had a husband to share living costs, I'd be doing very well.

But why would she tell you about any inheritances- thats her business isnt it?

I have an inheritance but I dont tell anyone about it because my bank balance is noone's business apart from mine. I've been burned in the past disclosing details about money and then having people chase me relentlessly and disrespectfully for loans so now I dont tell a soul about my financial situation.

She very likely has another source of income you arent privy to

She is prioritising these things in budget and has most likely different outgoings. It's simple as that. As pps mentioned, there are people who are good in finding any and every deal, offer and promo code. Travel can be done on solid budget too.

What an odd post. The COL hasn’t affected everyone. The last couple of years I have been better off financially than I ever was.

Perhaps she manages her money differently.

However she does it, I’m not sure that asking a load of randomers to speculate on her financial position is particularly useful. It’s not like you are ever going to find the answer so it’s a bit odd to be that interested in it. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that…

It baffles me why people care so much about others finances. My in-laws are obsessed with how much people earn, how much their houses are worth, cost of holidays etc.

We are deliberately vague when they ask us about our finances. I’m not interested in knowing how much personal pension their friend has, how many holidays a cousin has been on, it has no interest to me at all.

I mean, I could definitely afford to do many of those things and my highest ever salary was about £45k. I currently earn in the £30k something range probably (I’m a company director so I don’t draw a normal salary). I think you’re earning very well to not be able to afford a few weekend breaks and a spa day now and again.

I have a big house (5 beds with 5 acres of land and outbuildings), but relatively low mortgage for the value (£1600). I have a horse that I keep in livery. I don’t do big shopping trips because I’d rather poke my eye out than go on a shopping trip. But I go to London for the weekend usually once a year. I’ve been on two holidays to Spain already this year. We’re away on a UK self catering holiday for Easter. Kids do hobbies. Dh does (relatively expensive) hobbies.

We don’t really count the pennies and we generally never run out of money by the end of the month. But we also don’t have car finance. We don’t eat out, I’m very much a packed lunches and cooking from scratch at home sort of person. I’ve never had a credit card in my life at 45. I think Dh only has one for business purposes. We don’t have lots of day to day expenses, which I think makes a difference. We do a lot of stuff ourselves; for example, we had a burst pipe the other week. Plumber wanted to charge £1500 just to come out with his fancy detector and find it. We got the digger out and found it ourselves and fixed it. Probably saved £5000. That stuff adds up over time.

But with 2 incomes, our household income is over £100k, so we are very comfortable but not rich. We have a very nice lifestyle though.

I know plenty of people like this. Much lower salary than me, yet 5 or 6 holidays a year, constantly shopping, even house extensions. I don't give it a much thought, but assume that they just have no debts or a partner who earns a lot.

My SIL was on a £16k salary in her 20s but has now married into money. She now has a 5 bedroom house in a very sought after market town where I live, doesn't ever need to work again, all mod cons, 3 holidays since January this year alone, huge Jeep, etc.

Mind you I don't know how my neighbour does it. She doesn't work, is single, yet has the exact same house as us (we are both fairly good earners) and is constantly out shopping, has two cars, has her windows and bins cleaned by a private company every week, and just got a very expensive garden upgrade. She isn't in a council house.

Yes - this Why do people do that?

I consider myself to be a high earner. For years I was on about £50k and Dh about £30k. We have what I consider to be a good lifestyle, 2 kids in private school & we paid off our mortgage. We actually removed Ds from private school after year 8 and from then on that money could fund luxuries.

we just happen to live in a cheap area & bought at the right time. We go to the theatre and eat out a lot but don’t go on holiday abroad. I have a company car so we only have to fund the running costs of dh’s car.