AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

You are both really mean. She's been in for a week, she's only 90 minutes away. You can justify it however you want but if my adult child didn't bother to visit in the same circumstances I'd be gutted. Shame on you both. I hope she is equally as useless next time you have a problem.

No ? I typed the thread out and the title came up automatically?

That would not stop me visiting my mother in law. Although I wonder if it’s because of your attitude

Oh well that is ok then as long as he is on schedule eh !

I can't believe what I'm reading, this is awful behaviour. Who didn't go and see their own mother when she's admitted to hospital?!
Also why does he go every week to visit but you and the children only go every couple of months?

Even then it’s not much of an excuse. I’d have handed Dh his arse on a plate and he would me, if we behaved like this. When FIL was in hospital, we all had a rota, going, to ensure he had, at least one visitor a day. And it was an hours drive each way.

I can't believe what I am reading

OP - AIBU
Everyone else - yes
OP - but, but, excuse after excuse

I don't like hospitals, but DH was in hospital for 6 weeks last year. I visited every day except for 1 day - the day of his big operation as the hospital told me not to visit as he was in ICU and too out of it to receive visitors.

I spent a fortune in hospital parking, but I understand just how boring it is being a patient and how awful hospital food is.

@sabotaginglizard your husband should be ashamed of himself. If I had been you I would have urged my husband to visit his mother and not just told him it was up to him.

This will change your relationship between you and your husband's family and not for the better.

Sorry, but both of you were being selfish.

Gosh if my mum was in hospital with pneumonia, it wouldn’t matter when I’d last seen her, how much time I needed to take off work or how far away the hospital was….id be there in a heartbeat!

You BIL and SIL are right to be pissed off with him!

Will you be telling him the overwhelming view on the thread? (And I agree your title is purposely misleading to garner votes in your favour)

Good grief your title is monumentally disingenuous.

He hasn’t visited at all! Let alone daily!
Not even weekly.

It’s pathetic. Of course he should have visited his Mum.

I quite shocked at how he treats someone he’s supposed to love. Bit of a warning for your future - don’t be inconvenient.

And you didn't have the sense to go "oh, that AI suggested title doesn't actually match my post accurately. I'll amend it".

Same as you're apparently going "Oh, this illness doesn't match DH's usual visiting pattern. Oh well, he'll see her soon. That's fine".

Is he going today then, as Sunday is his normal day?

MIL doesn’t have any vaccines

Your MIL is more likely to catch something brought in from your kids than your kids catching pneumonia from her.

will you persuade him to visit today?

I have (diagnosed!) PTSD from DS early hospital admissions, hospital wards are full of triggers for me. It didn’t even cross my mind not to go and visit my dad when he was in last year!

But the title is misleading to the point of lying - it didn't occur to you that you should lead with a more accurate title?

he needs to up his game at this point, not just visit,

Maybe I should have but I assumed that function was there for a reason as it was the default so I used it

So, sticking to his schedule, he's going tomorrow, what if she isn't discharged, it usually takes ages, I don't think I've ever been discharged at a normal time, always the evening.

So will he go to the hospital. If she's discharged while he's there Will he bring Al her stuff and medication and take her home and make sure she's OK. Make her dinner.

I think you have your answer here OP. The title is misleading and yes he should have visited at least once in a week unless there's a big back story about their relationship you haven't shared. I would be really disappointed in my husband for treating his mother that way and would have encouraged him to go.

Is he in the car yet?

Not quite the response you were expecting, OP?

Literally everyone thinks the lack of effort and care being displayed is disgraceful, but you seem far too pig headed to take that on board.

My father has just died from pneumonia. I'm glad I visited him every day while he was in hospital. Things can change very quickly. Your husband is being unreasonable.

They’ve asked him to visit every day apologies if the title isn’t quiet right I’ll try to request an amendment

Yes, that's exactly what it is. It's there as a suggestion. A suggestion you can and should amend if it doesn't accurately reflect the post.

Are you capable of any self-reflection at all?