AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

Of course he should visit his sick mother in hospital. When my dad was admitted each time I travelled 250 miles to see him.

Admit it. You don't give a toss do you. No emotion in your updates at all.

YABU he should have visited her in hospital...all I hear from you is excuses.
it's not acceptable and I can understand why the family are upset with him. He needs to man up and do better next time. She's his mum and she won't be around forever.

Why did you make the title so misleading? To garner support by lying?

"Is my DH unreasonable not to bother visiting his seriously ill mum in hospital AT ALL? " would have been a more truthful thread.

Hand him a white feather and tell him to do the hard thing and get the fuck in there. She suffered pain and risked death or life changing injury to carry and give birth to him- as every woman does who has children. It's payback time.

As a PP has pointed out, is he planning to shirk his responsibilities and dump them on his siblings and their partners as his mother gets older ?

Karma is a bitch - when you're old your kids might not bother with you.

You might not even need karma for that - its a learned attitude really. So actually - you're showing them by example its ok to leave your Mum in hospital.

I do care. We don’t have a bad relationship with her at all he sees her once a week and we go as a family every 1-2 months

I would judge my DH if he did this, and it would definitely affect what I thought of him.

My DM and DMIL were both in hospital at the same time (one with pneumonia). DH and I alternated days to make sure they had visitors almost every day. It was exhausting but if you've ever been in hospital, you'd know how demoralising it is. I wasn't even close to my own Mum, but still did it because it was the right thing to do. As it turned out, they both died.

I'd be rethinking a marriage to such a selfish man.

Unless he's truly phobic of hospitals he should have got off his backside and gone at least once.
It's not that much to ask. Fortunately, she's recovering and hopefully is well enough to be discharged safely.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour by your DH.

I imagine his mother is so hurt, and his siblings in disbelief hes so self focussed.

Who doesnt visit their own mother in hospital???

The title was the suggested one ?

Why don’t you go today @sabotaginglizard?

What’s that got to do with it? She’s his mum and is in hospital with pneumonia! There aren’t any excuses for your husband’s uncaring and thoughtless behaviour.

Downright nasty and thoughtless.
I'd be DEVASTATED if either of my sons had this attitude towards me.
This thread is upsetting, his poor mum.
You don't come off very well either, wouldn't kill you you to encourage him to go.

Keep digging your own hole OP

Yeah, that's shitty behaviour OP.

Well it won't be as good as it was now will it. Just tell him to get there!

Can you not see from all these posts that he is absolutely wrong not to visit at all and that you are being quite unkind?

There is a reason the pneumonia vaccine is offered to over 65s

Are you normally this obtuse?

My Nan as well. People don't get hospitalized with pneumonia unless it's serious.

OP you and your husband's selfishness is astounding. His mum has been in hospital a week, it can be lonely and scary in hospital, especially when you are older. How on earth could he think it is acceptable not to visit at all in a week?!

It's just downright cruel and you should both be ashamed of yourselves, his poor mum.

BIL/SIL only want dh to go

There's a massive difference between not going EVERY day and not going at all! My DH's mum is often in hospital - we have 3 young children and we always make the effort to schlep there at least 2-3 times a week - it's the absolute highlight of a horrible day for her. They are not going to have patients with horrendously infectious diseases on a general ward. So YABU in my opinion.

OMFG. What is wrong with you both? What a pair of selfish, heartless bastards you are. His poor mum. You have shown your true colours for everyone to see now. Has it occurred to you that one day you will be elderly and you might be the one in hospital? Would you be okay with being left there all alone for a week, or more, if your kids follow your example and don't bother to visit? Or is that different then, because it's happening to you? Give your head a wobble. And don't be surprised if family see you differently after this.

I think this is pretty awful. Contagious illness - ridiculous excuse, if someone is contagious they are usually put in a side room.

I've been driving 6 hour round trips to see my dad in hospital, and I take my 8 month old with me to cheer him up. Don't blame your BIL or SIL for being annoyed too, no doubt they are taking her food, entertainment, trying to keep her spirits up which is bloody hard work.