AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

I mentioned degrees as one poster said they also suspected learning disability

Yes he’s extremely clumsy ! Why is that so unbelievable??! I’d have thought diy accidents were common

Yes YABU. His mother is ill enough to be hospitalised for a week and her son doesn't go? Yes that is behaviour I would call out if I was his brother or sister.

You know you don't visit people in hospital for yourself but for them? I've sucked up numerous visits I would rather have not done because the person needed me there more than my 'I'd rather not' feelings.

Exactly.

The attitude of your DH is so sad, selfish and heartless. His poor mum.

He saw her the day before she was admitted and is willing to see her when she’s home? Your husbands a shit son. I hope one of your kids partners never asks this question.

Not multiple ones, no! That’s just stupid, my DH had been doing DIY for 40 years, one accident.

Anyway, I think you and your DH are acting awfully! Poor MIL.

Shameful.

What is actually stopping you from getting some FFP2/3 masks and your dh wearing one of those? Because if the real concern is him getting ill then that would make it way way less likely.

Makes me think it's the 1.5 hour journey and the illness is just an excuse.

I have been in hospital with no visitors but it was my choice (and it was due to not wanting them to be ill or for them to visit with masks) - it would be completely different if it wasn't my choice when I know that good masks exist and are a perfectly viable option.

Ugh. I can’t imagine being married to someone who cares more about their own discomfort than seeing a loved one in hospital.
Did he bother to show up when you gave birth op? Or did you have to have a home birth because it suited him better?

I work, drive, and I'm about to defend my PhD thesis. I'm also autistic and have ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia (in other words, learning difficulties).

Your husband sounds autistic to me. You also said he's very clumsy, which screams dyspraxia - often comorbid with autism.

It's not even like your dh actually has to risk being ill? He can perfectly well go there without taking that risk, or while reducing it enormously. He could even take in a small air purifier and run it from a plug near her bed to help her; he could take her some masks so she can choose to wear some some of the time to reduce her own risk, if she wants to. He's just completely opting out and if there isn't a significant back story about abuse it just frankly looks lazy.

Oh and btw, people with learning difficulties and ND can go to uni, and graduate, I’m one of them.
you all sound absolutely batshit to be honest.

When you’re unwell and lying in a hospital bed for days having visitors is a highlight of the day.
I can’t imagine not visiting and letting my close family member see other patients with family and them just lying there alone because you are worried about picking something up.
My Mother has been chronically unwell all of my life with a life long immune problem. It has meant lengthy stays in hospital and she has been in there for key events like Christmas, birthdays.
I hate hospitals as a consequence, the smell of the place just brings back pretty sad memories, however when she goes in, we make sure she has someone visiting each day for different times on rotation between myself and my siblings.
Many a time she has been on a ward and whispered that the person opposite/next to her has had no visitors etc and it’s just so sad.
Also just to mention that nurses are usually overwhelmed with workload and it’s visitors that usually help their relatives reach things, bring in supplies, refill jugs etc
Last time she was in, when visiting our Mum we used to stop by the bed of the person next to her to refill her water jug, open her pudding and swap her books over as she had no one.
I can’t imagine lacking so much empathy that I would leave anyone I knew/had a decent relationship with unless I was immune compromised myself, unable to get there etc
Im glad she being discharged tomorrow and I don’t blame his Brother and SIL on getting frustrated.

But not once have you said, hmm, maybe it is a bit crappy of him, or that you've thought about your own kids refusing to visit you even once if you were hospitalised and realised it was horrible.

Is it not an act of love to visit a parent in hospital.
Pneumonia is serious maybe you should kick his arse right up to that hospital.
Stop talking rubbish about catching stuff if he is that concerned wear a mask.
He just can't be bothered.. sad.

Do you have learning difficulties?

I've read all your updates op and yes you and your husband are pretty awful for even thinking not seeing her in a week is ok. 1.5 hours is nothing to travel to see his mum who is ill in hospital.
Really terrible

He is

So did mine 🙁

I've also just commented this, without seeing that anyone else had mentioned it.

If you have multiple DIY injuries maybe DIY is not for you

Well in that case I’m sorry I didn’t mean any offence. My experience of learning difficulties was from hearing my DM and DSIS talk about their work in SEN schools so I apologise if I’ve said anything offensive as didn’t mean it at all

Unlike the person calling you batshit! 🫣

What on earth are you talking about?
I think you need to do some research into ND and propensity to gain a degree.

Sounds to me like laziness and it being inconvenient. He should be ashamed not to visit his mum once and his siblings should be annoyed. They will be visiting more so she doesn’t have no visitors no doubt when he could take a turn and give them a night at home with their families too.