AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

He’s not visiting his ill mother in hospital because "he really hates hospitals"?? Does he think she loves them and is enjoying being there? Listen to yourself.

You two should be utterly disgusted with yourselves. Wow...I've seen some shocking posts on here, but this really takes the biscuit. There is no excuse, or justification; I've read all of your responses. Stop grasping at straws. You know this isn't right. What if your children did the same to you and your husband when you were at your most vulnerable and elderly?

I hope she writes him out of her Will. Just wow. How heartless and cold.

Disgraceful, cold hearted behaviour.
You and DH should be ashamed
The "not wanting to catch something " is bs excuse.
Imagine not visiting his sick mother in hospital.
Shameful
Let's hope your dc s don't learn from your example

YABU and your DH is unreasonable.

i can’t think of any decent excuse for him not to visit her in hospital.

The hospital was saying that about my grandfather until 5am the day before he died of pneumonia.

As long as you're happy for him not to visit you in hospital if you get ill then sure, crack on enabling him.

Awful self centred couple ! Would you do the same to your mother? Actually yeah you probable would!

You think that makes it OK?

I wear mine and it's like the parting of the seas when I walk into a waiting room. It's brilliant I honestly don't feel the need to explain that I'm immunosuppressed and that they are actually more dangerous to me than I am to them.

I’m sorry, but this is terrible. When my dad was in hospital I’d drove over an hour each way straight after work each night. When my mum was in hospital I drive up (5hrs each way and stayed the weekend) I have hospital triggered ptsd, a family, poor mental health and we had a lot going on as a family - but being in hospital, often scared and feeling lonely and vulnerable- shocking behaviour by your DH. If I was you it would make me question whether he might ever make the same choice if I was in hospital.

I am the default sibling who looks after my parents & I can’t stand it when my siblings take this attitude as it just loads it all onto me It’s better if everyone can take a turn . If she is only in for a few days surely he should want to see her & make sure she is ok. It’s frightening being in hospital when you are elderly & they often like to get home comforts brought in . Also the doctors come at random times & sometimes they don’t take in properly what they are saying so it is good if a family member is there. He should be taking a turn in the evening at the very least & not leaving it all on his siblings . Presumably they have jobs & families too. Surely you could look after the children for an hour at night to allow him to go to the hospital. You both sound very selfish & entitled.

How selfish of you both. I hope your children treat you the same way when they are older. You only get one mum.

Then I think fair enough. I didn’t go up when my dm went into hospital (fell over drunk AGAIN) She’s 5 hours away. I went up when the entire family was away, but she lives next door to a family member who pops in to make sure she’s alive, several others check in and I’ve organised a cleaner/career several times a week. I’m not heartless but I work f/t so it’s very difficult to get up there and she has 4 people checking on her every other day, although she’s done great job of alienating various friends/family because of her drinking.

Agree.

Because that's what most cultures do for their parents (until they get too assimilated here). Where I am from, people will ask why you are NOT doing that for your parents. We believe in multigenerational living and caring across most of the world.

I think that is why dominant Western cultures are struggling so much with several family issues. Just getting your kids to understand that they have to do their bit seems to be an uphill struggle in itself. You have to model that behaviour so they know we are all part of something bigger and that is is about the collective.

There are pros and cons to it but looking around and seeing what's happening here, I am all for our ways of doing things. This capitalist culture has destroyed The Western Family. That's why they're ar who many young kids going NC and "choosing" someone they met at school to be their family now. Xmas with fellow students in a squat and a mini nut roast between them becauae they cut off their parents.

It's a mess.

Yeah, same, but it was my brother with Pneumonia. 400 mile round trip and I took time off work to stay over a couple of nights. And I have kids. He had a couple of visitors but no family and it's family you want when you're that ill. And most especially your child. I think it's awful not to go see her.

The point of asking if your husband is ND is to be kind....while you seem to be taking it as an affront. What most people are, however, saying is that if he isn't ND then what the hell is wrong with him. The ND part is people being kind and giving him the benefit of the doubt.

You and your husband sound awful for not visiting the poor woman in hospital at all

Why did you bother asking if he was being unreasonable when you obviously have decided that he isn't. You asked the question, people have answered you and you still argue the toss that he isn't going to visit her.

You are both being totally unreasonable and he is just sitting back and letting his siblings pick up the slack because it doesn't fit in with his routine!

So if she doesn't get let out until evening tomorrow does that mean she's missed her chance in his strict schedule for the week and will have to wait until next Sunday? He should be there first thing waiting for her to be discharged, nobody likes hospitals what an absolutely pathetic excuse. Shame on him and what a great example you're both leading for your kids 🙄

You and your husband are being bloody horrible, how would you like to be sick in hospital and nobody comes to visit you because they may catch something! How must your poor mil feel? I'd be very particular about my will if that's how I was treated.by my children, sooner leave my money to the dogs home at least my dog gives me affection.
People die from pneumonia so your dh best go visit his mum while he can

Presumably when she passes, hopefully a long while off, he won’t be so lax about claiming an inheritance. I expect he will drop everything then.

Oh for God’s sake tell him to grow a backbone. If my DH didn’t visit his DM in hospital - and they live 90
minutes away - i would be disgusted.

Yes its disgusting lazy and selfish as fuck. How many times in his life has she caught his germs cleaned his sick and wiped his ass. If your children are not immunocompromised it's ridiculous

Yes, my brother 'recovered' from Pneumonia but never got strong enough to be discharged and died a couple of weeks later