AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

He’s being selfish and cruel and should go.

For those giving the excuse because he may be ND a best friend of mine, her brother is autistic and they have a mother who’s now in a care home but has also been in hospital, he’s visited her.

After the last update by the OP, I’ve decided this is a wind up as the OP doesn’t have anything better to do, other than see how many pages she can get out of this.

You and your DC on see her every couple of months?does she not want a relationship with your DC?

Sorry but this is really mean. My next door neighbour ( no family nearby ) had a week in hospital recently and I visited her as she was lonely and needed a few bits taking in . Your husband can’t even visit his own mother!

Are you suggesting that his selfishness is a result of his mother's parenting or that his kids that will be selfish because of him?

When my FIL passed away far too soon, he made sure that the people who cared for him were well recognised in his will. I think it's awful to even have to frame it this way, but if you struggle to understand the emotional component of this then maybe you can understand the potential financial impact of your lack of care.

In our family we would take turn about unless they were critically ill.

E.g

Day 1 - spouse
Day 2 - son #1
Day 3 - son #2

And repeat, other visitors such as friends, neighbours, extended family aren't part of the rota though, they're a Brucie bonus.

So he hasn’t been to see her once since she’s been in hospital? Yeah, he’s being unreasonable. Surely you can see that? Being expected to visit daily is completely different and I can’t see from your post where the BIL and SIL have requested that.

Do you dislike your MIL in general? You’re coming across as pretty cold and a bit over the top regarding contagious illness unless someone in your household has compromised immunity.

I honestly think of my husband was refusing to go today, I’d get in the car myself, stop off at the shops for treats and go and see her. His rigidity in this is really not good, and his mum and siblings won’t forget it.

I hope she is better soon. I think your DH needs to address his hospital phobia and rigid thinking.
It doesnt sound it would have been feasible to go every day but to not go at all because you "don't like hospitals and it's not your normal day that you visit " is a bit extreme.

I spent 12 HOURS sitting in the Covid section of a crowded A&E in 2021 with my teenager who had Covid and another medical emergency that decided to arise at the same time. (Teenager ended up admitted for the emergency.) I asked for a better mask at the door; they gave me one. I did not get Covid or anything else after all that time sitting there, and I did remove/adjust it periodically.

There's no excuse not to have visited his own mother when you're easily within driving distance, and you are, especially when she's been asking him to. I wouldn't be able to look at him the same way.

Not quite true on respiratory wards. Often the number of patients with contagious illness far outnumber the amount of side rooms. My husband was on a ward with pneumonia and we were told very clearly that other patients were contagious

He’s not visited at all so the title of this thread is misleading. I’m guessing you don’t like your MIL so are condoning his behaviour. If I’m wrong then you’re both shitty tbh

Just wear a FFP2 mask and make MIL feel like she matters 🤦‍♀️ dont take children to protect other patients and use good hand wash hygiene

huge vast ginormous YABU

I have to wonder whether you realise how awful pneumonia is. It's truly horrendous and I cannot believe your husband wouldn't go and see his own mother. Sad really.

Quite. And OP shouldn’t forget it either. One day she might be the one stuck in hospital for six days and him not worried because ‘she’ll be home soon’.

You are both BVVU! Your DH hasn’t visited ONCE because he doesn’t “ do hospitals” No one “ does hospitals” but if a parent is poorly and has been hospitalised, you visit them surely OP?

How selfish and mean you both are! Despicable behaviour from 2 adults. I’m not surprised the rest of the family are pissed off. They’ve made the effort, why haven’t the pair of you?

Says a lot about your husband @sabotaginglizard
Would he visit you or his children if god forbid they were in hospital

Your relations that are visiting are clearly struggling and could do with a break ? It’s exhausting visiting and trying to collect things that make patient more comfy is tiring .
do your bit; unless there’s a real deal breaker or trauma in the background ; get off your arse and show some compassion!!!!

I don't think having a young family is a reason for not visiting your mum in hospital. Kids pick more up from school /nursery then any other environment. My cousin took her 12 week old baby to visit our grandmother in hospital recently and I would have done the same.

I am so grateful none of my Mothers children behaved like your husband just a couple of weeks ago. My fit, healthy darling Mother was admitted with pneumonia and dead three days later. Every one of my siblings partners actively encouraged them to be there every minute they were allowed. Every one of us have children too. We all had the honour of being with Mum as her illness progressed and she wasn’t lonely and she wasn’t frightened. Oh and you don’t ‘catch’ pneumonia. I actually don’t have the words for your coldness. I hope one day your own children will not choose not to visit you when you are at your most vulnerable

@sabotaginglizard what support is he giving in respect of MIL discharge from hospital?

I really hope this is made up. Surely no one can be that much of a dick. The OP and her husband sound completely inhuman. Can you imagine if the poor MIL dies and the funeral isn't on his scheduled day? I feel so sorry for his mum, brother and sister!

Let’s hope when his strict schedule is interrupted by a sudden health need he doesn’t mind that no one else will interrupt theirs to help him out.

selfish and cold hearted.