AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

Wow, when either of you are ill or old will you be ok with your kids just not being arsed with you at all?

This is actually awful selfish behaviour.

But his mother is asking him to visit. He's not choosing to stay away for fear of worrying her, he's staying away because he's a self-centred, nasty prick.

Surely catastrophic thinking would result in him thinking his mum may not be ok and being desperate to see her?!

If she had been vaccinated she probably wouldn't be in this pickle would she?

That’s really sad. Anyone with an infectious disease will be in a side room isolated. Or they would be on an infectious disease ward. What do you think alllllll the nhs staff do?? Have no families?! Wash your hands before and after and go see her. My only caveat to this is if some one is immunocompromised otherwise you’re being ridiculous

Oh, so it’s ok for BIL/SIL to go every day but your DH won’t visit to get them a day off visiting? Wow. You two sound extremely selfish. Oh he “really really” doesn’t like hospitals? Oh that’s ok then. No one likes hospitals, especially the sick person in the hospital, which is why we visit our loved ones when they’re there.

Absolutely shocking, I feel so sorry for his poor mom. He should be there with her as much as he physically can and if I was his wife I'd be telling him to do so!

What if she doesn’t go home tomorrow after all? DH will have to go see her because that’s what his strict schedule dictates, so will he go to the hospital?

Do you mean they’ve asked every day for him to visit? She must have been very poorly when he did last see her if she was admitted to hospital the day after. She may well be being discharged tomorrow, but I’m guessing he didn’t know how unwell she actually has been so couldn’t have known how much she was recovering?

Wow. Just wow

My mum died in hospital with pneumonia.

put into a mediated coma as her organs were shutting down and died while I was holding her hand

I am amazed how selfish your dh is and you are as well. If mil was contagious she wouldn’t be in a mixed ward

I am shocked dh hasn’t visited her at all

Vaccine can reduce severity but not eliminate all risk of illness. Yes she is foolish not have had the vaccine, and certainly bad form not to vaccinate the DC with childhood vaccines. But that isn’t the reason DH isn’t visiting

I think you should be gently pressurising him too.

You think they put people with contagious diseases openly in wards with people suffering from pneumonia and allow everyone's visitors to come into contact with and spread that contagion?

Also it's none of your business what illnesses any of the other patients are suffering from. It could be absolutely anything.

I don't know where you're from but the hospitals where I live would never do this. If someone is seriously contagious they are in isolation.

Hospitals are sterile. You're more likely to get sick travelling on public transport or hanging out at a kids soft play.

So yes he is unreasonable not to visit his own mother who's got what could be a life threatening illness.

How would you feel to be abandoned by your family if you were alone in a hospital ward?!

Every post from OP just makes her DH sound worse and worse 🙈 Selfish git.

She now knows he can’t be relied upon when she’s ill in the future. What will that do to their relationship?

So he’s just a very rigid inflexible who won’t change his schedule to visit his sick mother in hospital then? There we are then.

I am sorry about your mum @Blondeshavemorefun I think some people don't realise how critical Pnemonia can be, My Mil died at 62 from Pnemonia was only in hospital 10 days.

Obviously you are being very reasonable.

You'll realise this maybe in the future if you or your husband are laid up in hospital with something serious and your children won't visit you.

To be honest I think he probably is autistic but that's by the by, the real question is do you think it's acceptable for him to put his "very set strict routine" before his mother's welfare?

Can neither of you see that the routine needs to be set aside in these circumstances?

His poor mother. DM was in hospital for 2 wks recently & either me or my dsis went every day. Do you not read the news? She might need someone advocating for her about her care. We did that daily. Luckily his DM has another child.

presumably your dc will see the example your dh is setting & remember to do the same when they are the adult children

I wonder about people sometimes but hey this is frankly astonishing. Presumably there will be another thread later which is Aibu that DH won’t visit his dm on a week day…

MN have introduced a new feature that "suggests" a title when you start a new thread.

OP obviously didn't realise that you can overrride this.

If hes not ND, doesn't have any underlying issues which cause this level of anxiety, and he believes he has a good relationship with his mum, there are no issues at home preventing him from going of an evening or on a day off, that only leaves the reason for his lack of visiting , even just once, as selfishness. That's not good

Are you for real????? I cannot understand your mindset, either of you.

No-one likes hospitals. Grow up. It’s not about you.

My father was in hospital with pneumonia that then developed into sepsis. He fell ill on holiday so it was a 3 hr round trip. I visited every day. EVERY day. It was upsetting & horrible but you know what? It wasn’t about me. It’s about someone I love who needed support.

He was supposed to be discharged then took a turn for the worst and was in for another week. There’s no guarantee your MIL will actually be discharged ever if they have mentioned it.

I am staggered by you and your husband’s selfishness. You’ve made pathetic excuses and I hope your MIL, BIL and SIL read you the riot act. Disgusting behaviour.

So what is he going to do if she's not discharged until tomorrow evening? Will he visit her in the day in hospital tomorrow?

Nobody likes hospitals, nobody wants to take days off work unless it's really needed.

I really hope his mum remembers his care and concern when it comes to making her will.

The only part of your post I had a bit of sympathy with was the part when you said the hospital is an hour and a half away, but only a tiny jot of sympathy, more like a speck. I have visited people in hospital who weren’t even relatives let alone my mum and made a longer journey.