AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

Theres a big difference between visiting wvery day or not visiting at all while in hospital. Pneumonia can be very dangeroud. Can he wear a mask going into hospital. No wonder your bil and sil are annoyed.

I think it’s very poor for him to not even visit once. Your DC getting ill is quite a selfish excuse. Has BIL or SIL got ill from the hospital since MIL has been in? If you think about this from the point of BIL/SIL or MIL making a post, everyone would be siding with them. Son didn’t visit the hospital because he selfishly didn’t want to get ill himself, brother in law didn’t share any responsibility for MIL. A pneumonia hospitalisation can be serious, and being in hospital is scary and miserable at the best of times. If you’re the kind of person who would be ok with no visitors because your family didn’t want to catch anything then I think you are quite rare

That doesn't sound believable to me. It's his choice I've told him it's his choice just think of the children and me but it's your choice you choose.

Fucking hell please Lord DONT let let my son find a wife like you 😫😫😫.

Have hospital said immediate family only?

Hospitals will discharge as soon as they can. Can’t imagine MIL will be fighting fit when she leaves tomorrow. Who will be providing care whilst she recuperates @sabotaginglizard

Good grief.

I'm with everyone else that he should have visited her in hospital. But the vitriolic accusations that he doesn't care about her and will get his comeuppance in later life, are ridiculous.

This is a man who makes a three hour journey every week to visit his mum. He can't be accused of being selfish and not caring about her, generally. How many sons and daughters do that?

Yes, he should have gone while she was in hospital, absolutely no doubt about that. But the spite in so many posts is way over the top

Whereas other people do "want to get ill"?

What sort of person doesn't visit their own mother in hospital?

Couldn’t have said it better myself!!

I dont think he is at all he just has a very strict schedule that he sticks to. He sees her sun/mon every week one week sun the next mon due to his work days. He also gets really stressed about taking any time off work so that has been a big factor too. Hes just a person with a very set strict routine not ND

She’s been in nearly a week and he hasn’t visited? Yes he is being massively unreasonable and actually cruel.

I think it’s really sad he hasn’t managed in to see her at all for almost a week. The visiting daily title is disingenuous as he hasn’t actually visited at all full stop! His poor mum.

It’s his mum. He should go.

of course he should visit his mum while she’s in hospital!

@saraclara but surely your true nature comes out when times are tough. Doesn’t seem as if he had taken any load from his siblings whilst she had been in hospital. Planning to visit her once she is at home, so not helping with discharge, not checking that it is safe discharge

Your selfish husband’s brother and sister are cross that he’s not helping and his actual mum has said she’d like to see him but the prick is still digging his heels in and refusing. Wow!
If that was my husband, I’d lose all respect for him.

I think that maybe you should show him this thread, so that he can see how many people think he’s a complete and utter selfish bastard.

People get sick out of schedule.

He shouldn’t have left things entirely to his siblings. I imagine they also have responsibilities and routines.

Being sent home from hospital won’t necessarily be the end of things - she may well need more help and he shouldn’t make excuses.

I’m a person with a routine. Many people are. Unfortunately sometimes that has to go by the wayside when someone needs us.

Wow....can't believe he hasn't been to see her. That's mad. Would you not feel weird not visiting your family if they were in hospital?

Is he unreasonable for not visiting daily? No.
Is he unreasonable for not visiting at all? Yes of course he is. In the absence of a huge backstory which will probably now be drip fed in light of most people's comments - its pretty appalling actually.

If she really is getting discharged tomorrow, and he can only go one day, then tomorrow will probably be much more helpful to but Mum and the hospital. He can collect her and make sure she's ok once home.

I'm afraid he is being a twat and making excuses. Take note from this to if you ever end up with a chronic illness and a lengthy stay in hospital. He won't change who he is and would happily let you rot in hospital.

From someone who is immunosuppressed and masks up for weekly hospital visits.

Yep. Unbelievable. His attitude would make me hate him

They are saying only him to try to make it easier for him so that you all don’t have to go. They just need him to.

I’d have been disgusted with my DH if he hadn’t visited his mum in hospital at least every other day when she was in for a week - he actually went every day. A 2 hour round trip as the hospital was 30 miles away. He set off from work each day and got home around 9pm.

Well being hospitalised with pneumonia wasn't part of his mum's schedule, or his siblings.