AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

I visited my parents a lot when they were in hospital, even though I had kids and was working. It’s very selfish of your husband.

The mum had been in hospital for six days. Not two weeks. He saw her the day before she was admitted.

I think it's really sad. My mum was in with pneumonia and she had visitors every day - we did a rota. I'm immune suppressed and i just took the usual precautions. I bet his siblings are furious with him. I hope he never needs any support from his family in the future because I know what my answer would be if I was them

Awful behaviour from your husband. He should minimise the germ risks by handwashing and go see his mum.

He’s being asked to visit every day because he hasn’t visited ANY day.

My mum in her 80s was in with pneumonia recently. I am 500 miles away and rearranged things to go and see her.

Would he expect equal treatment to the siblings from any inheritance should the worst thing happen? Despite his sub-par effort?

Agreed. I got my Mondays mixed up. My point still stands though.

I really really didn’t want to go down this route but I admit my brain went down this road.

To be clear, I don't think care and inheritance should be transactional in anyway.

However I admit that I did have a fleeting thought along the lines of “ I imagine OP/her DH will be here in the future wondering why DM wrote her will in a particular way….”

I cant believe this is real, what an awful son. I wouldnt be surprised if relationships are changed forever

IMO, part of being a parent is being afraid of things, but not showing it in the front of the children. DS has arachnophobia; but pretends to happily pick up spiders to remove them from DGCs’ bedrooms, because he doesn’t want to pass his fear onto them.

DD2 was in hospital recently after a Caesarean. I spent 5 - 8 hours a day there, looking after the baby, as she couldn’t, apart from feeding - while her OH went home to eat, do the laundry and get some sleep. I am terrified of heights and sometimes had to park on the 6th floor of the multi story car park. Usually, I won’t go above the 4th floor anywhere. I literally felt sick with fright, just walking from the car to the lift; and then felt sick just at the thought of having to drive round the 6th floor to go down. I did it, because DD, OH and the baby needed me.

A three hour drive is nothing. We drove a minimum 7 hours round trip every week to see MIL in hospital - she died.

My son brings all sorts of illnesses home from nursery. I don’t think my husband has brought anything home from working in ICU. Unless you have immunocompromised children or a back story then YABU

Who said this? I don't believe the hospital has. I visited my mil on a ward with strict visiting rules. Even on ITU you can have friends visit. I think you have misunderstood whatever you've been told. Maybe it's his siblings because they want him to go rather than you in his place, they are trying to force him to go?

He really needs to go.

My mum was in hospital for a week and I visited every single day. My brother is as selfish and heartless as your husband and didn’t visit at all.. (my brother seems to forget that our mum sat at his bedside every day for hours when he was seriously ill in ICU a few years before )

when my in-laws were in hospital my dh and siblings made sure they had visitors everyday and each sibling took their turn, dh visited every second night. Sil lives over an hour away from hospital and still, took her turn.

nobody likes visiting hospital but it’s what we do when we have a family member who is unwell.

I thinks he’s unreasonable. I was fully expecting to come here to say daily is a bit much (unless dying). But actually he’s not been at all!

Are you not able to think for yourself (and amend it when it is CLEARLY inaccurate)?

BIL/SIL

Again, he makes a three hour journey to visit her every week. That's far more priority then most adult kids give their parent.

He's absolutely wrong not to visit her in hospital (especially when he could go today) but the assumption that he doesn't care about her and needs writing it off the will, is undeserved.

DD’s OH is a GP - he presumably sees patients every day with infectious diseases. He doesn’t complain about it!

Perhaps that's the reason he doesn't want to go?

He can wear a mask and man up. It's his mother for goodness sake, how selfish.

And you don’t think it’s unfair that BIL and SIL have been visiting between them and your DH has done eff all? He’s a disgrace and should be thoroughly ashamed of himself

Really selfish, he needs to get his arse in the car pronto and visit her today. I’m not surprised his siblings are pissed off, he’s shown his true colours.

Are BIL and SIL siblings or married couple?

What a shit son your DH is being. He’ll see her when she’s home? Big deal.

My DM was in hospital for two weeks, and I went every day. It was tiring, and at times boring, and of course hospitals are full of people with illnesses and germs, but we all have immune systems and the ability to wear a mask. He just can’t be arsed.

I’m not surprised others are judging him; I am, too.

Exactly. Because they want their useless selfish brother to visit his own mother who has been hospital for a week. He really needs to go but if he absolutely will not then you need to get in the car and go and visit today to show her that somebody in your family gives a bit of a shit about her. The poor woman must be devastated that her own son is so selfish that he won't visit to when she's been in hospital for a whole week. It's pathetic and selfish and just awful. I would not accept my husband behaving like this I would have sent him with a flea in his ear if he hadn't gone up within the first 48 hours.

Who is "they"? The hospital?

Sorry OP, massively unreasonable. Appalling that he hasn't visited his own mother in hospital.