AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

I was in hospital with pneumonia in 2016 for a week too. I spent 4 days in HDU because it was affecting my heart. Got moved to a general ward for a few hours - then they discovered I was also carrying the influenza A virus and I was moved so fast to an isolation ward, I hardly had time to blink!

I was lucky that I had my husband, for daily visiting, bringing me stuff, taking my washing away etc, but both my children visited at least once over the first weekend and my son lived an hour and a half away, by car. He also had small children, one of whom is autistic, but he made the effort as he was anxious about me. My daughter came twice as she was a bit nearer. Both of them worked. I have no doubt at all that if I hadn't had my husband, they would both have come more often.

Your husband and you are disgusting, frankly. Pneumonia is serious. I was 63 at the time.

@Pepperedpickles MIL wanted him to visit

What an absolutely horrible and selfish little fucker he is.

I hope your children visit you and him in hospital when you’re old and sick, but you can’t blame them if they don’t.

They said immediate family only

And he should visit. She's your mother in law but she's his mother.

Your "fear" of contagious diseases is not only ridiculous, it is entirely dishonest. You can't be so dim that you think someone with pneumonia would be given a bed surrounded by people with infectious diseases. What's more, people have seen through your lies.

You both sound like horrible people. Your husband will have damaged his relationship with his mother. You clearly never had one.

I bet if AI had suggested she leads with the thread title 'My husband is a selfish bawbag', she'd have reflected plenty on that before posting ...

Is she an anti-vaxxer? If she was offered a vaccine for pneumonia and refused it, I would have very little sympathy for her.

Wow, that's very bitchy.

Of course he should have visited his mother at least once the whole time she was in there. I think that is disgraceful. I have young children too and it wouldn’t stop me visiting my mum, in fact it didn’t stop me visiting her (even with my child in tow - shock horror!) when she had awful side effects from her chemotherapy treatment. Please don’t play the “he hates hospital” cards either - I mean, who doesn’t?! Would be a bit weird if he loved them, wouldn’t it? Sounds like the ship has sailed anyway if she’s coming home tomorrow.

YAB massively U.

I had to take my 2yr old in with me when DH was admitted to hospital with double pneumonia. I visited him every day because he wasn’t getting fed properly and I took him food inc. flasks of soup. It was awful.

(He’s veggie and they kept saying they didn’t have anything veggie left but he could have a ham sandwich instead!)

That's a very good point. By avoiding visits he has put more pressure in his BIL and family.

MIL is probably aware of this.

I'd definitely judge my DH if he was so selfish and lazy that he couldn't make the effort to visit his sick mother in hospital at all. Going every day is a completely different thing but your BIL/SIL are doing it because your DH can't be bothered to even visit once.
Your excuse is ridiculous. Do your DC go to school, nursery or do you as a family never leave the house. Germs are everywhere. Unless you all really never leave the house and go anywhere - in which case you all need therapy - then this is absolutely no excuse at all for such selfish behaviour.

First post nails it.

OP reads like hes lazy and cba. Is it reasonable to not go daily? Yes. Is it reasonable to not go at all? Absolutely not, unless your family is immu-compromised.

What if, God forbid, she has a turn for the worse and he never went?

Would you feel the same if it was your DM on the ward OP?

I might well think she was stupid but it wouldn’t stop me from visiting my own mother in hospital for the reasons the OP has given.

When I had dc he had the option to stay at nights and didn’t he doesn’t like hospitals and avoids then I think as much as he can

Exactly this. His brother has been left holding the baby for nearly a fortnight. If I had a sibling who did this I’d be disgusted with them. I’d be even more disgusted if their spouse was condoning it.

Suggested by who? You compose the title yourself when you start the thread. The title is clearly inaccurate and misleading, is it not?

I think this is pretty terrible. If your DH doesn’t want to get ill he could wear a mask and use hand sanitiser. As others have said, the minute a hospital suspects something contagious they put someone in a side room.

It’s absolutely not fine just to not visit his mum for 6 days when she is in hospital. if my parents or grandparents were in hospital no way I would behave like this, I’d know they would be devastated. Plus it’s also putting extra strain on his siblings. Was he not worried that they might get ill? Seems very selfish and insular of your DH and if I’m honest it sounds like he couldn’t be arsed more than anything else.

He should take a couple of days off work and go today, then he could be the one to help her settle in. And he can apologise to his sibling.

I can't believe anyone is this tone deaf, uncaring or just lazy to not go to the hospital even once while his mum is in with pneumonia all week.

I'm not surprised BIL and SIL are pressing him. Their mum must be so hurt!

Mad that he didn’t visit the hospital to see his mother at all. If your children were ill would he do the same? I don’t think his behaviour was considerate of his mother or siblings at all. Of course he didn’t need to go daily but he should have visited her.

MIL was in hospital for the guts of 7 months, DH went every second or third day. His sister wanted him to go in and feed her for every mealtime, he said no because he couldn’t between normal work and family commitments. She was very unhappy with that. Something along to that was what I was expecting being asked of you opening this thread. YABU.

So is he planning to help out extra OUTSIDE of hospital?
I.e. when she goes home as she is likely to still be a bit weak if she has been that ill.

I have no sympathy for her in that case. She is using precious NHS resources because she is an anti-vaxxer. She didn't even vaccinate her children which is unforgivable.

Yes she is but that’s her decision we don’t agree but it is her choice. Dh just got his done as soon as he could. That’s not impacting his decision to not go. I’ve said to him maybe he could go today ? He said no he’s going as planned Tom when she is home

@sabotaginglizardyoure very odd.

i think a pp was correct that you really don’t give a toss.

And you’re not taking on board what anybody is saying, you’re doing what you want to do so why even bother posting?

No it came up automatically?